Movie Trailer F*ck, Marry, Falcon Punch: 'Crave' 'Some Velvet' 'Furnace', Won't We?

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Movie Trailer F*ck, Marry, Falcon Punch: 'Crave' 'Some Velvet' 'Furnace', Won't We?

By Jodi Clager | Trailers | November 13, 2013 | Comments ()


You know the rules. You watch the trailers. You think about it for a bit. You decide which trailer you want to F*ck. You decide which trailer to Marry. Finally, you Falcon Punch the last bitch. Let’s do this.

Out of the Furnace starring Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, Zoe Saldana, Willem Dafoe, Sam Shepard, and Forest Whitaker.

Some Velvet Morning starring Stanley Tucci and Alice Eve.

Crave starring Josh Lawson, Ron Perlman, Emma Lung, and Edward Furlong.

Hmm. I don’t think I thought this through. I mean, you read the description for Crave and think it’s going to be a greasy turd floating in a punch bowl. Instead it seems I must F*ck Crave.


Out of the Furnace was less surprising in its ability to make me Marry it. If Christian Bale shows up, I’m there.


Some Velvet Morning gets the Falcon Punch since it looks like Tucci slaps one down on Eve and I’m not interested in that.


Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)

Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)

Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his Pussy Posse Wolf Pack were on the douche prowl in NYC. (Lainey)

Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)

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