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Meloncholia Trailer: Oh, Just Shut Up Already, Lars von Trier

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (37)

melancholia.jpg

Hey! Look! There’s another planet in our solar system. It’s been hiding behind the sun all this time. And now it’s going to crash into Earth and kill us all. Worse, it might ruin Kirsten Dunst’s wedding. But Kiefer Sutherland is also in the movie, so maybe he’ll yell at the planet hurtling toward the Earth REALLY LOUD and the planet will shoo away and go bother Mars or something.

It all looks very, very pretty, as one expects from Lars von Trier. But it also looks deathly dull. Melancholia, indeed.









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Comments

SKARSGÅRD! How in the hell did Kiki get to marry Skarsgård?

Posted by: Cindy at April 8, 2011 10:05 AM

Well, Kirsten Dishwater gets on my nerves so I will not partake, thanks.

Posted by: DenG at April 8, 2011 10:06 AM

Well, if that planet wants to wreak havoc on April 29th, I for one will be a happy victim.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 8, 2011 10:06 AM

How in the hell did Kiki get to marry Skarsgård?

I may not know True Blood, but I know that there's now 1,000,000 women who now hate Kirsten Dunst with all their heart.

As for von Trier...after Anti-Christ I've made it a rule: never see his movies in theaters.

Posted by: Fredo at April 8, 2011 10:07 AM

Seriously? Pretty is just about the last thing I expect from Lars Von Trier.

Posted by: KateMC at April 8, 2011 10:09 AM

Guy's the goddamn Joyce Carol Oates of filmmaking.

He won't fool me with John Hurt and space.

He won't tempt me with the Dunst, that's for sure.

Feh.

Also, I think you mean "Stellan's kid".

Posted by: Jay at April 8, 2011 10:12 AM

Umm...

Two points spring to mind:

1) 'But it also looks deathly dull.'

I'd say it just looks shit; looks like shit; looks as it is of the shit.

2) 'But Kiefer Sutherland is also in the movie, so maybe he’ll yell at the planet hurtling toward the Earth REALLY LOUD and the planet will shoo away and go bother Mars or something.'

He'd be better off cooing at it with a voice that morphs between seductive and dangerous every 0.5 seconds. VOICEFAP!

Posted by: zeke the pig at April 8, 2011 10:25 AM

This looks like an epic collision between Deep Impact and a film like Atonement. This might just be the most meta movie ever.

One weird thing though: was lightning shooting out of La Dunst's fingers near the end of the trailer? Does this mean that in the last five minutes of the movie, she will don a shiny, shiny patent leather outfit and go to fight crime and wayward homicidal planets with the power of her lightning fingers, while working by day as a mild-mannered e-stim masseuse?

If that's the case, I hope her crimefighter name will be Dr. Sunkentits, the most badass and fitting anagram of anybody's name ever. Thank you Fug Girls.

Posted by: StoatCat at April 8, 2011 10:29 AM

Hang on, Lars von Trier remade The Core? How is this not big news? It's a statement on our cultural low-brow/high-brow divisions, on art v. entertainment. It's the most meta thing anyone has ever done.

Also it looks terrible.

Posted by: dslenz at April 8, 2011 10:30 AM

All this whispering is confusing the voices in my head. Is that me? Is it the trailer?

*trailer ends*

Oh, good! I'm not crazy! It was the voices all along.

Posted by: Kballs at April 8, 2011 10:31 AM

StoatCat,

I believe we can take that nickname one step further:

Snaggletits

Thoughts?

Posted by: Kballs at April 8, 2011 10:33 AM

Wow, this film looks surprisingly...not fucked up for Von Trier. The score for that trailer on the other hand was horrible.

Posted by: DangadaDang at April 8, 2011 10:40 AM

Sadly, Charlotte Gainsbourg seems to be morphing into her father. No more bunkage.

Posted by: TSF at April 8, 2011 10:42 AM

Who's doing the soundtrack for this? It sounds like 1950's era Disney Orchestra. I kept checking my other windows thinking there was another video playing because that music doesn't fit anything I'm seeing.

Posted by: Paultera at April 8, 2011 10:42 AM

Snaggletits can be her alter-ego, like Emo Black Spidey. They will fight one another in the last movie of the trilogy (of course), perhaps on the surface of the sun. But it will be done in claymation, ala Celebrity Deathmatch.

What this will end up looking like is Kiki wearing two different-colored wedding dresses stitched together, on the surface of the sun, and punching herself in the face screaming "You shut up!" "No, YOU shut up!" "I hate you!" "I hate your ass FACE!", until she burns alive.

You can just write me a check for that draft screenplay I just wrote for you, Mr. Von Trier.

Posted by: StoatCat at April 8, 2011 10:49 AM

Paultera- get out of my mind. It really makes me laugh, actually, because it just underscores how ridiculous the premise of this movie is.

Posted by: StoatCat at April 8, 2011 10:50 AM

Hahaha. WHAT?

Posted by: grace b at April 8, 2011 11:02 AM

Damn, the soundtrack was killing me. Normally I wouldn't see anything by Von Trier (Dogtown was what did it for me), but both Skarsgaards, and Kiefer Sutherland, and Charlotte Gainsbourg (who needs to invest in some moisturizer or something)? So now I'm torn.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at April 8, 2011 11:03 AM

I have no idea what that movie is trying to be.


Is Meloncholia sad melons?

Posted by: logan at April 8, 2011 11:08 AM

So the metaphor for death is become death?

What.

Ever.

Her dress was pretty.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 8, 2011 11:11 AM

My god. She looks like a fart. Like a real live fart.

And StoatCat? Co-sign.

Posted by: Kballs at April 8, 2011 11:21 AM

It looks like a high-budget version of Festen. With aliens.

Festen was awesome, though.

Posted by: Zirze at April 8, 2011 11:36 AM

That trailer felt like it was 17 minutes long. Good god.

On the other hand, pretty. Very very pretty.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 8, 2011 11:36 AM

The only thing I have to say about this is that there is no way a secret planet could just hide behind the sun and we wouldn't know about it. I don't care what allegoric role the planet is playing in the story, its stupid and I want no part of it.

Posted by: elgarcon at April 8, 2011 11:48 AM

This looked like a parody trailer instead of one for a real movie.

Posted by: Drake at April 8, 2011 12:05 PM

I'm the only person who still loves Dunst, aren't I?

So cold...so alone...

[gunshot]

Posted by: superasente at April 8, 2011 12:44 PM

You're more alone than you think, Supperasente.

Your statement implies that the rest of us ever loved Dunst. One fun-but-stupid cheerleading movie does not a love affair make.

Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at April 8, 2011 1:06 PM

Goddamn it, superasente, stop shooting televisions. I was watching that.

Posted by: twig at April 8, 2011 1:07 PM

I think it looks brilliant.

Posted by: Robert at April 8, 2011 1:55 PM

I don't know what I think becuase the score was so terrible. But I was scared away from Antichrist from reading the plot synopsis and hearing about the ending from a friend. We'll see but the kid is probably right, collision impending!

Posted by: Allison at April 8, 2011 2:59 PM

I put it to you that Dogville was the last good thing that Von Trier did. And I will punch anyone who say anything bad against The Kingdom or Dancer In The Dark.

Posted by: Shane at April 8, 2011 5:23 PM

Who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to combine the ristupidiculame premise of 2012 with a film so pretentious the word pretentious, if it had a nose, couldn't even look down its nose at it?

Posted by: Shadowen at April 8, 2011 5:38 PM

Remember those bizzare perfume commercials from the eighties and nineties that made no sense? It looks like someone mashed them together and made a movie out of them.

Posted by: Harborwolf at April 8, 2011 6:06 PM

This movie combines three things I hate: End-of-the-world plot (it's gonna end one of two ways, one of which is super depressing and predictable, while the other of which is cheesy, unrealistic, and still predictable), Kirsten Dunst (great kid vampire. Bad everything else.), and Lars Von Trier (Dogville was just on the edge of ridiculous. Dancer in the Dark was infuriating. I'm out.).

So yeah, probably not going to see this one.

Posted by: ChristianH at April 9, 2011 9:33 AM

That just made me laugh hysterically. That's probably not the response they were going for.

Posted by: Tits McGee at April 10, 2011 1:42 AM

The score was by Richard Wagner. It's the prelude from his opera "Tristan und Isolde," from the mid 19th century. It's one of the greatest pieces of music of all time...OF ALL TIME!

Posted by: mc at April 11, 2011 7:18 AM

Wow, I guess me and pajiba are going to have to disagree. I thought it looks amazing, and the music is awesome (Tristan und Isolde).

I'm just too high culture for all of you, I guess.

Posted by: Helen at April 11, 2011 9:59 AM