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Giant Shark + Giant Octopus = Hell F**king Yes!

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (54)

megasharkvsgiantoctopus.jpg

I have got one helluva treat for you guys this morning (H/T Branded). TK called dibs on the review of this a couple of weeks ago, but he can’t post the trailer because the poor bastard can’t watch the it while he’s at his day job. He is fucking missing out. I mean: It’s a GIANT Shark battling a GIANT Octopus! How GIANT, you ask? The octopus can knock airplanes out of the sky with its tentacles, and the shark can destroy the Golden Gate Bridge with its jaws. That GIANT. And they fight each other in a battle of GIANT proportions.

And who, you ask, is tasked from saving the Earth from these GIANT prehistoric creatures? I’m glad you asked. Lorenzo Lamos and Deborah (Don’t Call Me Debbie) Gibson. It’s the “Thrilla in Manilla”!

You folks have your cock out? Then rock out:








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Comments

BEST. MOVIE. EVER.


There, I said it.

*cues up Shake Your Love*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 13, 2009 10:50 AM

So are we spambot, so are we...

Posted by: Adam C at May 13, 2009 10:55 AM

Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I need to have a date with this movie, a group of friends, and enough beer to make GS vs GO seem Oscarworthy.

Did you know that thalassophilia is a deep "love and arousal of the sea?" Because I have that right now. Giant murdery sharks and tentacles of doom are the film equivalent of kissing my neck.

Posted by: Julie at May 13, 2009 10:56 AM

It is like two great tastes, that go great together.
You've got your mega shark in my giant squid....

that sound deliciously dirty.

Posted by: badalamenti at May 13, 2009 10:57 AM

Is this a real movie, or is this something that will be only on the SciFi channel? I could guess...

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 13, 2009 11:00 AM

Whorish mouth (I really love typing that), it seems like it's going straight to video, so I'm betting (hoping, PRAYING) we'll see it on SciFi ScyFy this summer.

Has anyone ever seen Sharks in Venice? My roommate and I get waaaaay too much joy out of terrible movies on SciFi. The Sunday of Supergator this past fall was one of our bondingest moments.

Posted by: Julie at May 13, 2009 11:04 AM

This may be the very thing that brings peace to all mankind.
And nachos. I have a feeling that mega sharks like nachos. And watching Red vs Blue.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at May 13, 2009 11:05 AM

Now let's be clear here. It's an octopus and not a squid. Squids fight whales (in space too, if you believe They Might Be Giants).

Unfortunately a sperm whale's not gonna chew a bridge in half--no movie for YOU, krillhead!

Posted by: Jay at May 13, 2009 11:05 AM

Yes Jay, but a sperm whale WILL impregnate half of San Francisco with a single...squirt. :p

Jim Doggie, if the mega shark likes nachos then that explains how pissed it is. Those bitches get SOGGY in water.

Posted by: Julie at May 13, 2009 11:08 AM

This is without a doubt the greatest movie ever. That shark just leaped out of the water and ate a fucking plane! BADASS!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at May 13, 2009 11:20 AM


Thanks for this. I needed it. We all needed it. If only there were giant robots in it!

Posted by: Lance at May 13, 2009 11:21 AM

I haven't seen much on SciFi...except a giant mosquito attack movie in which it was very obvious that a lot of nudity was edited out for TV, and the terrifically bad Sabertooth, featuring that guy Sawyer from Lost. Both had some of the most craptastic special effects ever. The giant mosquitos flying over the town looked like cartoons.
By the way, I super hate the idea of "ScyFy". That doesn't make any sense.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 13, 2009 11:22 AM

Just going off the title, I was concerned that they were going to film a normal sized shark eating or being eaten by and normal sized octopus around a whole bunch of miniatures.

Having seen the trailer I'm very relieved.

These guys can't afford a real shark or octopus. PETA won't need to get Pamela Anderson to get out her Mega Mammaries and Giant Octo-puss out to save the animals.

Posted by: Bane at May 13, 2009 11:25 AM

*krsshhtt* This is your captain speaking. A quick safety announcement. In the event of an airborne shark attack, please jump toward the animal's oncoming jaws and curse it. Gentleman in Row 14, seat A, you know what I talking about. That is all. *krsshhtt*

Posted by: Kballs at May 13, 2009 11:26 AM

I love this trailer so much I want to take it behind the bleachers.

Please tell me that this is getting a theatrical release. A regular tv cannot contain this much cheese.

Posted by: Melody at May 13, 2009 11:27 AM

Jim Doggie - you are clearly a very wise man. Nachos (the trashy kind with Fritos Jalapeno and Cheddar cheese in a can and some sliced pickled jalapenos) are exactly what this movie calls for.

Posted by: tamatha at May 13, 2009 11:29 AM

I keep pronouncing ScyFy as see-fee in my head. It makes for bad headaches and a lot of giggling.

Posted by: Julie at May 13, 2009 11:30 AM

Julie: You can read my review of Sharks in Venice here. Pajiba linked to it a while ago, don't remember where though. (Sorry, I don't remember how to make the link pretty off hand.)

http://www.rufkm.net/2009/02/23/cinema-craptastique-sharks-in-venice/

I cannot WAIT for this flick. Lorenzo Lamas and skyscraper sized sharks? Yes, please.

Posted by: TylerDFC at May 13, 2009 11:34 AM

I couldn't help myself. This one had to be sent to Dustin.

I vow to Godtopus and the Kolbaby, if this has a Debbie Gibson musical number and Lamas riding a Harley in jeans and an open leather vest, I will never watch another movie as long as I live as they would pale in comparison.

Posted by: branded at May 13, 2009 11:36 AM

I don't know. I'm a little turned off by how well the sound matches up with the actors' mouths moving. I prefer my cheeseariffic sci-fi in badly dubbed English over Japanese. Otherwise I'll have a difficult time buying the story. Hee.

Posted by: Kolby at May 13, 2009 11:38 AM

I can't get Shake Your Love out of my head. Thanks for that.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at May 13, 2009 11:38 AM

Ha! That's awesome Tyler, I'm totally going to read it.

I did a kind of real time review of Supergator...and my hangover (I even took pictures, THAT's how bad it was).

It stars Kelly McGillis. She gets eaten. You can't beat that.

Posted by: Julie at May 13, 2009 11:40 AM

I don't know KBalls, I expected to hear

*Krshht* This is your captain speaking. If you look out the left side of the plane, we'll soon be passing over a giant fucking shark. On the right side is Lorenzo Lamas in a leather vest. The crew has decided to take our chances with the shark. *Krshht*

Posted by: Mrcreosote at May 13, 2009 11:47 AM

cantwaitcantwaitcantwaitcantwait! Squuuuuuueeeeee.
Annnnnd now I want nachos.

Damn.

Posted by: JenVegas at May 13, 2009 11:57 AM

Damn, Deborah Gibson is really quite hot.

Posted by: Snath at May 13, 2009 12:57 PM

Omfg Lorenzo lamas, a giant shark and an octopuss that can eat planes...where is John Barrowmen when you need a good I'm pretty wired so how about I take you home and eat your pussy, your octopussy!"

AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!11!!1!1!111

Posted by: Angelmonster at May 13, 2009 1:53 PM

Gaaah! For a second there I thought I saw Alexis Denishof (the guy who says "What did you see?" or something in response to "I looked into its eyes!") but IMDB blessedly assures me he's not in this movie. While it's obviously the greatest movie ever made, I'd hate to have actors I care about in it, y'know?

Posted by: Edith at May 13, 2009 1:58 PM

"What did you see?"

A GIANT FUCKING ANGRY SHARK, MORON. Or its eyeball--judging from the size, you wouldn't be able to see much else. You'd really only be able to look in one eye. I just kept watching the trailer because I couldn't imagine how planes were involved.

Snath--Gibson is hot? Really? Granted, I'm a girl, and I'm into guys, so I'm not the best judge of lady hotness, but all I saw was a giant pointy nose and sunken, hollow cheekbones. I kept thinking Wicked Witch of the West.

Anyone ever see that vid of some huge aquarium that had recently acquired a brand new octopus? And then all the sharks started disappearing from the tanks? They finally set up a camera during the night, and discovered that the octopus would remain motionless on the aquarium's floor until a big oblivious tasty shark swam overhead, and BAM! tentacles would pull that poor bastard down to his doom.

Posted by: DeadBessie at May 13, 2009 2:20 PM

DUDE!

FUCK YEAH.

This looks like a joke. I am so damn happy it isn't.

IT SLAPS A PLANE FROM THE SKY!!!

Posted by: figgy at May 13, 2009 2:32 PM

That looks atrocious.

You guys are sheep.

Posted by: Ass at May 13, 2009 2:54 PM

Jawsome!

Posted by: FabMax at May 13, 2009 2:57 PM

but a sperm whale WILL impregnate half of San Francisco with a single...squirt.

Now there's a movie I'd like to see!

(Not that I don't want to see this one, because you bet your sweet ass I do.)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at May 13, 2009 2:58 PM

Ass: We KNOW it looks atrocious! It just looks deliciously atrocious. Having similar senses of humor does not make us sheep - it just makes us laugh.

deadbessie: I saw something like that, but the thing I saw had the octopus actually leaving its tank at night and climbing in to the shark tank to eat them. Is that the one you're thinking of? It was on PBS, iirc....

Posted by: Edith at May 13, 2009 3:01 PM

BaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaah

Posted by: figgy at May 13, 2009 3:07 PM

It comes out May 19. To the Netflix Que!

Posted by: TylerDFC at May 13, 2009 3:23 PM

Wait, deadbessie, did you mean this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFOEZh1Lbbg

I can't find mine anywhere, but I swear I saw it on PBS a couple of years ago. The octopus just climbed out of its tank, crossed the (dry) floor, went into the shark tank, ate a shark, and was back in its own tank every morning....

Posted by: Edith at May 13, 2009 3:26 PM

i have no time to read the rest of the comments but if nobody said then i have to:

This movie is going to be HUGE!!

har har har

try the veal

Posted by: pabs at May 13, 2009 3:31 PM

That's quite possibly the worst fucking CGI I've ever seen. And it's not like CGI is expensive anymore, hell it's probably more expensive and time consuming if they;d made models and shit.

And why did they chose to shoot all of the indoor scenes in a dark, dark closet and forget to rig any lights?

Because they had no budget?

That being said, Deborah Gibson still looks scrumptious, and I bet she sucks cock like a nasty porn slut, lots of licking up and down the shaft.

Posted by: FartyMcFartsALot at May 13, 2009 3:53 PM

In the great words of Eric Cartman:

This is what people find good?

I have lost my connection to the world. I'm gonna go home and kill myself.

So long, you guys.

Yeah. I'm surprised that didn't end with "Coming soon to the Wal-Mart Bargain Bin near you."

Posted by: Riley at May 13, 2009 6:33 PM

Whoops.

Eric Cartman said:

This is what people find good?

I have lost my connection to the world. I'm gonna go home and kill myself.

So long you guys.

My bad.

Posted by: Riley at May 13, 2009 6:34 PM

Ah, fuck it. My italics are screwy. Sorry for taking up all those posts.

Fuck.

Posted by: Riley at May 13, 2009 6:35 PM

so debbie gibson's out of the blue is in my top 100 of all time (shut it, i was young, and in love, with morrissey, and i don't have to explain anything to you), and you guys already know how i feel about sharks. and flying. and lorenzo lamas.

this will be truly traumatic.
and i can't wait.

Posted by: gp at May 13, 2009 9:53 PM

What. The. Fuck?

Posted by: Ariel at May 13, 2009 10:44 PM

"I have HAD it with these motherfucking giant sharks on this bridge and these motherfucking giant octopuss ... octopussies ... octopi ... whatever the fuck, whacking on this motherfucking plane!"

This is a joke, right?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at May 14, 2009 1:08 AM

That is some fine cinematic cheddar right there. Yummy!

Posted by: CptCrckpot at May 14, 2009 1:16 AM

I just made a mess. Can somebody pass me a tissue?

Posted by: admin at May 14, 2009 1:44 AM

Edith--yep, that's the clip. Although the info says they stuck the octopus in the shark tank, figuring its camouflage would keep IT safe.

And for you humorless folks out there, read Edith's comment above. We know this will be terrible. But it will be awful in a colossal, stupendous, wonderful way.

Posted by: DeadBessie at May 14, 2009 7:55 AM

Here's the problem I have with all of the posters saying how awesome this movie will be and how they can't wait to see it. It's unbelievably hypocritical for you to rave about how fabulous this is and then take giant steaming shits over something like Meet The Spartans. There isn't any difference between the two. They are both horrible, at least Meet The Spartans didn't have unbelievably shitty CGI like this squid/shark flick does.

Also you rave about how fabulous this thing is, and then turn around and bitch that Hollywood only puts out shitty product. No, you can't have it both ways.

Posted by: FartyMcFartsALot at May 14, 2009 1:49 PM

Right. Because there are only two types of movies, great and terrible? And all the terrible ones are terrible in the same way? wtf, mcfartsalot?

Meet the Spartans tries to be hilarious, and fails miserably. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus tries for serious, and ends up being hilarious. Both fail at their goals, and both are assuredly awful movies, but MSvGO looks like it will actually be really entertaining.

Posted by: Edith at May 14, 2009 2:13 PM

I...I don't get it. This looks absolutely terrible. And not even in a "Fun to watch when blitzed out of your mind" way. More like, "I've wasted my life and should hang myself in my fucking closet". But enough about my father. I would rather watch a remake of The Dark Knight with Carrot Top as every character than this messy CGI bullshit.

Posted by: Venture82 at May 16, 2009 12:00 AM


Obviously, a result of global warming!


Posted by: Dontrespectyourelders at May 16, 2009 2:21 AM

I just watched this. It was HORRIBLE. And not in a good, cheesetastic kind of way. Almost all of the best parts are in the trailer. The climactic Shark vs Octopus fight at the end reuses the same CGI footage several times, just reversing the angle. This wasn't cinematic cheddar. This wasn't Cheeze Whiz quality. Hell, it wasn't even even Easy Cheese aerosol cheese quality. I was very VERY disappointed.

Posted by: CptCrckpot at May 16, 2009 6:18 AM

Don't be too critical now. I thought this was pretty good...The Asylum are notorious for 'slow' movies but this one had it's moments. There were some genuinely inpired, cheesy b-movie nuggets to be had. What about that Chris-Penn-looking sub captain barking orders and chewing up the scenery? And Lorenzo Lamas got to play a real prick with some good prickish dialogue. Watch it with the right people and this is a fine quality flick. They've got TRANSMORPHERS: Fall Of Man on the way so brace yourself

Posted by: Scotch at May 17, 2009 1:43 PM

I suspect that my enjoyment of this movie would be directly proportional to the amount of alcohol I consumed beforehand

Posted by: coffee fan at May 24, 2009 11:15 PM


















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