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The Greatest Thing In The History Of The Universe

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (35)

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I’d be lying if I told you that, upon seeing the headline for this trailer, I didn’t giggle and clap my hands like a small child in a room full of puppies and candy.

Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus

Oh, fuck yes. The Mega Shark survived! SUCK IT, GIANT OCTOPUS! You just couldn’t handle Mega Shark. But perhaps Crocosaurus can take him. And who shall fight for humanity in this newest epic entry in to the giant mega animal versus another big-ass animal? Who stands between us and giant, shitty-CGI-jawed destruction.

Fucking Urkel, that’s who.

Watch, and kneel before it’s glory.

And if that’s not enough:

mega-shark-vs-crocosaurus.jpg

I feel that this post made up for both the Beiberpalin and all of the Human Centipede posts combined. It’s that awesome.

December 21st. Whoever wins, we lose (never mind that they totally stole that from Aliens Vs. Predator).

You’re fucking welcome.









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Comments

21st December is my birthday. Thanks, God.

Posted by: Caspar at December 6, 2010 11:02 AM

TK,
This is the only thing, the ONLY THING, that comes close to the Badgers going to the Rose Bowl.

Thank you for making my Monday. Viva La Urkel!

Posted by: Mr. Yuck at December 6, 2010 11:04 AM

Save us, Urkel!!

Posted by: Kargoyle at December 6, 2010 11:07 AM

Let's just make it "December 21st. Whoever loses, we win..."

p.s. "Gary Stretch"? Someone forgot to tell him to leave the porn name back in the valley.

Posted by: D-Day at December 6, 2010 11:12 AM

Oh my Robert Picardo, life hasn't treated you well, has it? To think I once wanted to make sweet holographic love to you in the Holo Deck 1...

Posted by: schmerpes at December 6, 2010 11:12 AM

I thought that header pic was a joke Photoshop job, but no. It is a scene from the movie.

IT IS A SCENE FROM THE MOVIE

Posted by: Paul Southworth at December 6, 2010 11:20 AM

Christ, WHY does movie-reality have to be so much better than actual reality?! Why can't I live in a world where shit like this happens?!

Posted by: Todd at December 6, 2010 11:28 AM

hahahaha, this look so awesomely shitty...indeed there are only winners december 21st!

Posted by: Anonzin at December 6, 2010 11:37 AM

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Did I really see the Crocosaurus BURST THROUGH A MOUNTAIN like a piece of finish line tape?!

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Posted by: jM at December 6, 2010 11:38 AM

Isn't Robert Picardo the doctor from Voyager? Fucking rad.

Posted by: Snath at December 6, 2010 11:41 AM

First of all, why would Mega Shark care at all about a giant crocodile? I don't think they would inherently be enemies. Oh wait, am I putting too much thought into this?

Second, I'm really looking forward to Mrs. TK's commentary which is sure to be included in your review.

Posted by: tamatha at December 6, 2010 11:43 AM

Oh, schmerpes already said that. Da-DOY.

Posted by: Snath at December 6, 2010 11:43 AM

TK - Do you know *when* on the 21st it's showing? I looked at the SyFy web site, but it was completely unhelpful.

Posted by: tamatha at December 6, 2010 11:51 AM

Paul Southworth, I thought the exact same thing!

CGI is really no better than how (back in the 1950s) they used to film insects and small reptiles and blow them up big by projecting them on a big screen behind the actors. But sometimes you really need stinky cheese!

Posted by: BWeaves at December 6, 2010 11:56 AM

That scene where Urkel is doing nothing but running and screaming like a little girl? Television GOLDMINE!

AND...I'm sorry, but at one point did it appear that the military was fighting the Crocosaurus with lightning? Fucking LIGHTNING?

Sign me up.

P.S. Re: the Bieberpalin/Human Centipede posts...this may already have been explored but if not, I leave you with this nightmare fuel.

A human centipede comprised solely of Bieberpalins. Good night, sleep tight.

Posted by: Vonnegut Slut at December 6, 2010 11:56 AM

I always knew in my heart that Urkel was headed for greatness.

Posted by: J9 at December 6, 2010 12:03 PM

Do you wanna know what I think?

I think that secretly, deep in his insides, TK loves us and wants us to be happy.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at December 6, 2010 12:21 PM

I am humbled by the stupidity of that trailer. It reminds me of the first time I bonged a beer. I'm dizzy, bloated and might throw up on that girl over there with her back turned, yet somehow I know I'll be back for more very soon.

Posted by: Kballs at December 6, 2010 12:32 PM

So how many sequels do you think we'll have to wait until the current reigning cham fights Gozirrah?

Posted by: Blank at December 6, 2010 12:45 PM

The movie can end one way, and one way only.

Jaleel White explodes the crocosaurus by piloting a helicopter down its throat to place a tactical nuke on its left tonsil, immediately after incinerating the megashark with a well-placed oil tanker and a flare gun. As the smoke clears in slow motion, Jaleel flies the chopper into the sunset, lights a cigar, smirks into the camera and remarks:

"Did I do that?"

Anything other than that, and I will burn the WORLD.

Posted by: Mario Speedwagon at December 6, 2010 12:48 PM

I vote for Mario Speedwagon's ending! But not before we find out that the whole Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus battle was really just an elaborate mating ritual, thus leaving a window open for the potential sequel, Mega Crocosharkus.

Posted by: jM at December 6, 2010 1:05 PM

Oh, sweet nostalgia for the good things in my twisted sprout-hood. Occasionally be I would gifted with the sweet, mindless escape of a batshit cheesy monster movies on a Saturday afternoon.

It was on channel 11 out of New York City, one of the three (3) channels we could reliably receive, when we weren't walking 9 miles through the snow to school, up-hill both ways. (You damn kids get off of my lawn.) Sometimes, only sometimes, they'd reach into their catalog of low-budget cheese, and I would let the art flow over me until it set the wrong things right.

Giant ants. Tarantulas. Godzilla. Kong - the bad, Japanese Kong. Mecha-Kong. Oh sweet, sweet stinky cheese as the overwrought orchestra trumpeted ever-greater excess. "Bwa-bwah. Bwah-bwah-bwa-bwa-bha-bhaaaaahhhhhh!"

And now. And now. Mega-shark vs. Crockosaurous! And Sharktopus! And Piranhas! And I can watch them any time, on the Netflix, or the Interwebs or the disk-y things that hold movies. In color! In hi-def! In glorious 3-D!

I officially love the 21st century. That is all.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at December 6, 2010 1:06 PM

Fuck this noise.
WHERE IS MEGA PYTHON VS GATOROID?

Posted by: Rykker at December 6, 2010 1:37 PM

What I really want to see is Megashark versus CrocoStimpy. That is all.

Posted by: juiceinla at December 6, 2010 2:20 PM

BierceAmbrose, I grew up in that area, and simply LOVED watching Property Damage Playhouse after a hard day at school. Watching short guys in goofy rubber costumes stomping models was my idea of fun TV.

I will see this movie, and hope (like jM) that the sequel features the mutated offspring of these two lucky kaiju.

Which reminds me, do these qualify as kaiju, since they're American constructs? Or does the presence of Der Urkel ruin things?

Posted by: The Wanderer at December 6, 2010 2:34 PM

All I'm going to say is that the giant octopus waz robbed!! I heard he would have been in the sequal, but his agent wanted too much cash. Instead he's going to be in a straight to video joint with JCVD and the sidekick from "Clueless". No, the other one.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at December 6, 2010 4:11 PM

I know the Human Centipede has taken over my brain because I had to burst into hysterical laughter today over a photo caption in my local paper for a children's dance exercise: "The students took part in a centipede activity that had children wriggling from one end of the gym to the other."

Posted by: Craig at December 6, 2010 5:01 PM

[Walking Dead Spoiler Alert] Is that the same Atlanta CDC headquarters so memorably CGI obliterated in the WD season finale?

The mind reels at some obligatory incorporation of cut-rate zombies into the "Mega Shark vs _____"-verse...

Posted by: eskiimomo at December 6, 2010 8:30 PM


@The Wanderer

Which reminds me, do these qualify as kaiju, since they're American constructs? Or does the presence of Der Urkel ruin things?

I would say that they count as kaiju because of Der Urkel. He plays the role of the two tiny women who sing to the monsters. Eminently qualified, I think.

Godzilla / Mothra '12
Stomping the crap out of everything, for realz!

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at December 6, 2010 9:06 PM

Do you wanna know what I think?

I think that secretly, deep in his insides, TK loves us and wants us to be happy.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at December 6, 2010 12:21 PM

No need to get nasty.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at December 6, 2010 9:07 PM

can't wait for this one! mega shark! crocosaurus! the return of sarah lieving to a starring asylum role! the resurrection of jaleel white's career! christmas comes early this year!

-----------------------------
COMMITTED - an asylum blog
http://observationnotes.blogspot.com

Posted by: inmate977 at December 7, 2010 3:05 AM

It's things like this that really make me miss America. Expat sigh.

Posted by: cinekat at December 7, 2010 7:17 AM

"Whoever wins - we lose" isn't that Alien vs Predator...?!

Posted by: Sarah Barkai at December 7, 2010 8:04 AM

I want to see CrocoStimpy vs. Tyranosaurus Ren

Posted by: CptCrckpot at December 7, 2010 10:01 AM

No need to get nasty.
Posted by: Uriah Creep at December 6, 2010 9:07 PM

Dude... it's TK.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at December 7, 2010 11:56 AM