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Look, Pants! New Immortals Trailer Crushes Those Nasty Comparisons To The Banana Hammock Sausagefest That Was 300

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (27)

Henry-Cavill-Immortals-Theseus.jpeg

I know, I know. My expectations for Tarsem Singh’s Immortals are waaaay too high. You’re much smarter with your wary cynicism. We’ve been burned by Troy, scarred by Kingdom of Heaven, maimed by Clash Of The Titans and afflicted with confusing, sweaty dreams about 300. Did I just watch a porn? IN IMAX? I’m pretty sure I did. Anyway, I’m clinging fast to my hopes for Immortals for two reasons. 1) My childish weakness for Greek mythology. 2) Tarsem Singh’s The Fall is the most visually entrancing film I have ever seen in my life. You know how some folks feel about Avatar? That it blew their tiny minds? That’s how I feel about The Fall. I could watch it one hundred times and never cease to be amazed.

So take my extreme bias into consideration when I say I think this trailer looks incredible. Also, as io9’s Meredith Woerner pointed out, in using John Hurt as the narrator, Singh dredges up all manner of warm squishy feelings associated with Jim Henson’s “The Storyteller” series.

Fine, things look a little steamy between Henry Cavill (Theseus) and Luke Evans (Zeus, emmm, technically uncle to Thesesus), and okay, sure, the pants look like they’re quickly exchanged for a Greece-y kilt and greasier thighs. And was that a jauntier version of the Inception foghorn towards the end of the trailer? But, still, I have faith. Faith in Singh and faith in Mickey Rourke (lalalalalala, Iron Man 2? I can’t hear yoooou). I have faith that the Twilight kid as Poseidon (technically Theseus’s father) won’t be given too many lines. I have faith that the luminous Freida Pinto might be worth the price of admission alone. I have a lingering fondness for Stephen Dorff can either be blamed on Blade or that one Aerosmith video. And, honestly, the godly smack downs look phenomenal. Athena is chewing *ss up there and Ares’ spiky helm is made for evisceratin’. So, yeah, I’m excited. Deal with it. Film opens November 11th.

Oh, and if you’ve never watched Jim Henson’s delightful “The Storyteller” series, you’re missing out. The dog is voiced by Brian Henson at his Hoggle-iest and John Hurt eats nitwits like Shelley Duvall for breakfast. Here’s a little taste.

Joanna Robinson is looking forward to having her hopes dashed…again. It never gets old.









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Comments

Now I want to watch 300 tonight.


Mmmmmm banana-hammock sausagefest

Posted by: Anna von Beav at August 16, 2011 4:11 PM

Oh, good -- finally, someone else who loves The Fall as much as I do! That film is simply the most visually sumptuous film ever made, and not just because Lee Pace is in it. I didn't know Tarsem Singh was the director of Immortals; now that I do, I'll have to see it.

Posted by: PDamian at August 16, 2011 4:16 PM

the trailer looks awful(story,directing and acting)

Posted by: carrie at August 16, 2011 4:17 PM

Yeah, see, that's how I felt about Super 8. Live and learn.

Posted by: peanutbutterjellytime at August 16, 2011 4:35 PM

Banana Hammock Sausagefest is an outstanding band name.

/yeah, yeah, obvious, but I still had to point it out

Posted by: MM at August 16, 2011 4:36 PM

Honestly, I think this film will get a lot of notice as it will be several people's first look at new Superman Henry Cavill and we'll see what kind of hero he can be. If it bombs, which it certainly may, then people will use it as a reason to worry about Snyder's movie. When, duh, they should worry about it because Snyder's in charge.

Posted by: grace at August 16, 2011 4:42 PM

I think Shelley Duvall for Breakfast is the clear band name winner.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 16, 2011 4:45 PM

Ohh... The Fall... must agree with you there. One of the most beautiful fucking movie experiences I'll probably ever have. I saw it in theaters in LA and someone, at the very beginning, was fussing with some kind of candy wrapper. From the first 5 SECONDS they immediately stopped, and everyone was in awe at the screen for the remainder of the film.

Posted by: Alexa at August 16, 2011 4:48 PM

Henry Cavill's Abs Are Made Of Lies And Liberally Applied Bronzer

Punk band.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at August 16, 2011 4:48 PM

Are those the gates of Mordor?

Posted by: BWeaves at August 16, 2011 4:52 PM

Banana Hammock Sausagefest 2011! Bring the wife! Bring the kids! Wait, wait no, don't bring anybody. It will be covered by the Food Network however. I think Guy Fieri will be there.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 16, 2011 4:52 PM

I've been schooled by Mrs. Julien. It's an honor, madam.

Posted by: MM at August 16, 2011 4:53 PM

New trailer fuck yeah! A palavra e "sim"!

Posted by: Rest In Peace at August 16, 2011 4:53 PM

If you haven't seen it, The Storyteller season 2 stars Michael Gambon, and is all Greek Myth. Both seasons have permanent spots in my Nexflix instant queue.
Derek Jacobi as Daedalus? Oh yeah.

Posted by: dorquemada at August 16, 2011 5:09 PM

All I see is Henry Cavill...and that's enough for me.

Posted by: CiCI at August 16, 2011 5:17 PM

I don't care what anyone says - I am going to watch the shit out of this! The man who gave us The Fall cannot steer us wrong. Ah so much love for The Storyteller, reminds me of when I was little...I might just have to watch an episode. :)

Posted by: Mona at August 16, 2011 5:19 PM

It looks visually stunning - even though I'm getting a bit tired of that damn slomo-thing - and that's good enough for me.

Also, it's funny how many movie soundtracks now remind me of Inception.

Posted by: Vanessa at August 16, 2011 5:35 PM

You had me at "pants". So looking forward to this!

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at August 16, 2011 6:22 PM

I already know I'm going to love this, even if the visuals are the only spectacular thing about it. Greek gods kicking ass and Tarsem Singh making them look amazing whilst doing so? I'm so in.

Posted by: beckster at August 16, 2011 8:53 PM

It looks like they're fighting on a metro platform ... you know, next to one of those old, bronze metro trains the gods used to ride back in the day ... you know, to get to work.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at August 16, 2011 10:11 PM

...scarred by The Kingdom

Wait, the one with Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner? I actually thought that was a good movie. It also doesn't seem to fit with all the mythology movies you listed, so maybe I'm wrong about which one you mean.

(Ah yes, I meant Kingdom of Heaven. Thanks! --JR)

Posted by: Even Stevens at August 17, 2011 1:00 AM

I just don't know. Way too much sepia-toned green screen CG slo-mo masturbation for me. I will keep an open mind, but I just can't see this being all that good. I hope I'm wrong.
I never saw The Fall, but plan to remedy that, but the only good things about The Cell were Singh's visuals. Clearly that's not enough to carry a movie, however.

Posted by: Protoguy at August 17, 2011 1:52 AM

Whoa I didn't know that Pajiibs didn't like Kingdom of Heaven? Maybe it's because I've only seen the extended version and not the theatrical release, but I thought it was great and was the first (only?) movie that made me consider the possibility that Orlando Bloom isn't secretly a giant vagina. And it had Michael Sheen being smarmy, so there's that.

Posted by: Grover at August 17, 2011 5:51 AM

This looks exactly like what I imagine a mash-up of 300 and Clash of the Titans would look like.

My tentative guess? It'll suck.

(But this post did make me want to see The Fall, so, yay!)

Posted by: Thijs at August 17, 2011 5:57 AM

Imma watch this til my EYES BLEED. THE FALL FOREVER BITCHES!!! ALEXANDRIA IS MY HERO!!!!!!

Also have y'all seen interviews of that kid now? So fucking adorable still, it's crazy

Posted by: Nadine at August 17, 2011 7:22 AM

UGH, now I just want to talk at length about The Fall.

Posted by: Nadine at August 17, 2011 7:26 AM

Wait, did I glimpse a hint of some skin revealing moment from Freida Pinto ?

WHEN AND WHERE IS THIS OPENING? DIVULGE THE INFORMATION NOW OR I SHALL STRIKE WITH THE FURY OF THOUSAND....eh, Furies?

Posted by: yocean at August 17, 2011 2:13 PM