Pajiba

Pffft... clearly you've never been to a Catholic school slumber party.

The narrator's emphasis on "GET STUCK IN!" is poetic. Brilliant, really. I never would have thought to take it in such a douchey direction, but I suppose he wanted to keep the same tone as the rest of the voice over work.

Also, Carlson, this doesn't count as an actual trailer if it was made in Skitz's basement. Get your shit straight and comeback to me when you have genuinely believable random pseudo-smut. Like Gay Zombie Porn.

Panties? Ha!

Sofia: For serious? I went to an all-boys catholic school, and we never had the male equivalent of shit like that. I'm thinking I went to the wrong school.

I never could understand why a sexy woman wouldn't want to eat out another sexy woman.

So B Slimmy Slim, if Roseanne Barr and Rosie O'Donnell are alone in a room you automatically assume....

It's an old formula:
* British comedy duo make film based on national good-will towards said couple.
(See also - Ant and Dec, Mitchell and Webb).....
* The film gargles balls quality-wise.
* Fails badly
* Working Title come to the rescue of the British film industry with another misanthropic/misogynstic/trite piece of shit more than likely from the pen of Richard Curtis.
* Despite lacking any redemptive quality, the film succeeds internationally.
* Richard Curtis given more work.
* I weep salty tears.

I've seen the two british comedians this stars like, they're ...not unfunny.

They're two of the most popular comedians at the minute despite the painful dullness of the show that made their name(the name of the show is lost to me) which is, as KC said, why they've made this film, or been offered it, which ever.
I..sort of hate Quentin Tarantino and to a lesser degree(because Planet Terror rocks my socks)for making this Exploitation shit seem viable again, the bad ass, bazooka boobed babe is not...clever or forward thinking or even that sexy.
Please, Film Makers. Please. Stop.

Why eat a girl out when you can squeeze her boobs hello?

(Not that I do that....) (hmmm....)

Why would anyone want to kill lesbian vampires? Like Prop 8 wasn't enough, more fucking discrimination.

For serious?

Well....that's the question, isn't it!

Robert, I'd imagine it's just easier and safer to hang out with Hammer and not worry about these devilish headgames the Paheebans get up to. I'm not sure what to recommend to Jeremy though.

I'm with Sofia.

When I was a tween, looking at photos of nekkid women in Playboy got me really turned on. Photos of nekkid men in Playgirl was just gross.
I have no interest in touching real women, it's just women are more attractive to look at.

Hey Pookie? Are you really a lesbian, because most of the ones I know look like men, only without the crotch puppet?

Admin, you didn't tell me you gained the rights to "Sofia's Catholic School Slumber Party". If this is true, we could release this in December for awards consideration!

Sofia, I would like you to know that I may name my next child after you. You are a true inspiration.

So....can Mike R. and I release your feature length film. I promise it will be tastefully done. (No it won't)

"I never could understand why a sexy woman wouldn't want to eat out another sexy woman"

Pookie, I have no idea how any person with or without a pulse wouldn't want to use their tongue on Portia de Rossi for the sole purpose of self gratification. Serious. Even the gayest zombie ever killed would have a hard time resisting Portia tied up and naked.

Killers of Female Vampires Who Are Definitely Into Each Other, You Know, Sexually; The Vampires, That Is

Carlson, I like your title way better. I'd actually pay money to see that movie. Though I assume that version would be written by somebody else.

Here are two new phrases I learned today: vagitarian (thanks Kayanne) and crotch puppet (thanks BWeaves). I shall attempt to insinuate them into daily conversation.

Stop ruining the fun nadine, it's a fucking movie! It's a fucking fantasy! If we behaved the way movies show us, the world would be filled with half naked chicks, Michael Bay explosions, and all men would look like Jason Stanthan.

Come to think of it, that would be fucking awesome!

"A touching, sensitive journey through womanhood in reverse."

Heehee, that sounds so dirty, Mike R.

And Pooks & Xtreme, just because I'm not into (literally and figuratively) the ladies, it doesn't mean I'm afraid of my "freakdom."

Portia de Rossi is very purdy, though. I bet she smells nice, too.

Here are two new phrases I learned today: vagitarian (thanks Kayanne) and crotch puppet (thanks BWeaves). I shall attempt to insinuate them into daily conversation.

Just for kicks, AvB, see if "cocknivore" catches on.

admin,

Time? Day? Location?

I'll bring a cheese ball.

Why eat a girl out when you can squeeze her boobs hello?

Why stress yourself with a choice? Unless that choice be 'all of the above (and below).'

Well damn, didn't this page blow up while I was struggling to get that guy's resume to print correctly.

I think Pookie does us no favors. Convincing a woman to become a lesbian is not going to make a man's life more enjoyable. There's plenty of professionally staged 2-D lesbian titillation to enjoy at a distance and know where you stand (and the point is that you stand outside of it, because the point is that a man is not involved). But then, I'm not interested in multiple partners anyway, so I certainly wouldn't want to roll the dice on "maybe I'll score me a bisexual three-way!". Look what happened to George Costanza, that's where that kind of thinking is gonna get you! Me, I'd kinda like a woman to be attracted to....me, for whatever strange reason she might be. So let's help keep straight girls straight! We're savin our own lives!

Damnit, forgot the lesbians. It should read Sofia's Lesbian Catholic Schoolgirl Vampire Slumber Party Chronicles

Bucdaddy,

Place: The frozen prairie wasteland known as Saskatchewan. (on Sunday it was -42 Fahrenheit)

Date: It should coincide with Pajibacon (mmm bacon). I'm not going, and that shit is depressing.

Time: Shall we say 9:00am, the cocktail hour?

I love cheese ball, bring two. I'll get the crackers and Shlitz'.

Mike R., that shit is a go. As an added benefit, Hollywood will immediately implode due to its righteous glory.

Robert, I think you have some good ideas there. Fellow members of the board...we have a go picture!

I have no urge to see the movie but I consider the trailer a masterpiece of schlock, emphasized by the shocking pink James Bondian type font simultaneously flagellating the plot and the viewers' eyeballs. Very retro, very snigger-worthy.

"Bored now."

Vamp!Willow is still the first lesbian vampire killer in my heart.

Sofia, I went to an all girls catholic boarding school. I never knew the many uses of test-tubes until then. Just an idea for your film...add the creative use of lab equipment and I'm sold.

See now...I thought that it was about lesbian killers who are also vampires. I'm not sure why the men would want to kill the hot lesbian vampires. Wouldn't any man gladly die of exsanguination just for the chance to behold the glory of lesbian vampire sex?

"I'm not one of them vagitarians, I'm a cocknivore. A cockersseur, if you will. I like me some crotch puppet."

Yep. Sounds like something I'd say.

I cannont wait to watch this trailer with sound. You really can't go wrong with a movie whose title sums up the plot. But only in an 'I'm watching this at 2am because I'm an insomniac' kind of way.

Jay, thank you, I had missed the dildo slapping reference, but after you pointed it out I found it. Phew! But I'd have to argue against the theory of a dildo being a prop. I understand that it falls into the actual definition; I think it would depend on the usage. For example, would the prosthetic appendage of a porn star count as a prop? I don't think it should, just like implants don't. Therefore, depending on how the dildo is portrayed in the film it could be an extension of the Lesbian Vampire. Or was it Lesbian Vampire Killer? Either or both, whatever.

And Sofia, thank you for the mental image.

Daniel - until I read your intro to the trailer, I absolutely interpreted the title to mean that the vampire killers were lesbians, not that the vampires were lesbians. Who'd want to kill a lesbian vampire anyway?

Stuart did indeed say that, and from what I've heard it got pretty hard to find a straight-up straight girl in Glasgow (and his early lyrics sure depressedly sound like it). He had to marry an American in the end. Tough times.

But yes, that goes in there then that goes in there and that goes in there...I know how they do. Can't wait five minutes to break out the instruments, and here I thought we came here to ignore That Which Is Not Woman, now there's a buncha plastic shit blocking the view of Woman and a buncha angry...wielding. All this yelling and manual labor and...yeah, I'm really glad I'm watching this (again, holding not a candle to Ingrid Pitt and Yutte Stensgaard. Not at all. Those ladies had class, and no toys). I know I'm also not the only person to say "hey, if you find strap-on fellatio exciting in the heat of your own moment, fine. But don't film it cause it just looks ridiculous".

Well, I'm not going to try and speak for Pookie on this one Kayanne, but I can tell you personally that I don't think it's a crime that hetero women find men sexier than other women, quite the opposite. I prefer that women be more attracted to men, but that's just me. What I've never been able to figure out is a) why anyone finds naked men attractive at all, and b) why everyone doesn't find naked women attractive. Women are just so damned great, that's all! Best thing ever. Hands down. Except the big, hairy, smelly and rude kind, no one likes them. Being big, hairy, and smelly is one thing, but being rude is completely inexcusable. Even I have limits. Not damned many, but there it is.

Kayanne, any time. And for the record, be careful when admitting members of the same sex are beautiful/hot/lovely/etc. Because for guys, that's like saying "how about just a backrub?". We know it's just a backrub, but we still get excited. Why? Pavlovian conditioning is my guess. Once a guy gets lucky with the backrub technique, it is forever skewed for him that backrub = nookie. Example: I was driving home from work last summer past a golf course near my house, and damned if they weren't doing that hole-in-one competition in which they give away a car. And damned if there wasn't a young barely dressed girl on the roof of said car, and the wind just happened to gust, and there she was, almost naked, spread-eagled on the roof of this car right beside me. Luckily for me the traffic was light, so I didn't have to explain in court why I was in the wrong lane. But to this day, everytime I drive that strip of road I look over. It's -40 outside, and I still look. Pavlovian conditioning my friends. It works.

I agree with the people who thought the title was like Natural Born Killers: all three words are meant to describe the monsters. (Natural Born Killers is missing a hyphen, of course.) They're lesbians, they're vampires, and they're killers, and anyone who says that a vampire is automatically a killer has never played a vampire RPG where the rules are that a) draining X amount of blood from a victim won't kill them and b) killing your victims causes moral degeneration in your character and c) moral degeneration is generally a bad thing, gameplay-wise.

And damned if there wasn't a young barely dressed girl on the roof of said car, and the wind just happened to gust, and there she was, almost naked, spread-eagled on the roof of this car right beside me.

Windy outdoor porn on the roof of a car with golf clubs?

What you have to understand is that men fetishize anything. Not (just) because we are perverts, but because of the way memory works. An original experience sparks the neurons differently than ever before, and nothing is as exhilarating as something new: jokes are funniest the first time, stories resonate most on the first telling, your stomach falls most at that first smile from a girl.

Even as the experience diminishes though, we retell our favorite jokes, reread our favorite stories, and (oh yes) still live for a smile from our wives. When we remember, we don't just see things again statically, our neurons actually fire the same way as they did the first time through. The fetish exists to prod that memory harder than thought alone.

Australia should use this for tourism advertising...

"Australia, the only country in the world where 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' could be a historical legal thriller."

It sure beats the ones for Mexico I see late at night "Mexico, it's nicer than you think."

Seriously, I'm not making that up.

Dear men who wonder why we find your naked bodies sexy:

First, amend that to include being hard. Much sexier that way. Then recognize that you are extremely fun toys (when hard) with big hands that fit nicely on our curvy places. Add in the fact that your muscles tend to show rather nicely, especially when you're all laid out that way, waiting to be a fun toy, and you pretty much have the reason why we find naked (hard) men sexy.

Providing, of course, that we couldn't beat you at wrestling - which also explains why emo boys are NOT sexy. I don't want some pouty thing I could snap like a twig - which might also explain why supermodels don't seem sexy to me, even if I did swing that way.

Different strokes, Anna. When I was younger, the hairless boys did it for me. Then I started hanging out with stunt men. 'Nuff said.

Awesome!!!!