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Don't Call Me a Geek, Toolbag

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (31)

kick-ass-trailer-2.jpg

Yeah, we’ve shown a lot of trailers for Kick-Ass. What of it? You calling us geeks? Fanboys? (*wipes snot off nose, wipes it on pant leg*) Fuck you, man! What do you know about us? I got laid last night. By a real person. Inyourface! (*puts down joystick*) Let me tell you something, all you cosmopolitan poseurs. Kick-Ass is gonna kick your ass. Fuck yeah! (*high fives self*) So take your fucking douchebag hipsterville crappolla art films, and cram ‘em up your cramholes. Kick-Ass is about real people, man. Real people who want to save the world. Like you and me, except hotter. I bet they got laid twice last night. Holla!

Watch this trailer, Skillet Holmes. It’s gonna do a number on you. It’s gonna put you in a world of emotional pain, like the time that Barry Allen died in The Flash. You feeling me? Get Some 41!

(*picks up joystick*)

<a href="http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-GB&from=sp&vid=df8e1600-9d67-47ce-9b2b-6171d203b64d" target="_new" title="Kick-Ass - Trailer">Video: Kick-Ass - Trailer</a>









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Comments

blah, blah, blah, you hate nerds and geeks. Your shtick is fucking old, like the cheese crumbs in your dickhole.

Posted by: AlexaCastro at February 2, 2010 10:06 PM

I loved "Drag Me To Hell" so I searched Google to see what other critics thought of it. It brought me to Dustin's review, and I loved it. He got me addicted to this site.

I have to say, this geek-bashing thing is getting pretty old. I'm starting to enjoy some other writers better. It seems like, for a "happy" person in a good marriage, he sure drops a lot of hate on his readers. I would really lighten up a bit.

I still love you, but I think you need to consider it.

These trailers kick ass. I cannot wait to see.

Posted by: Thurgod at February 2, 2010 10:23 PM

You're like the dad from American Beauty, Dustin. You only hate us because you hate that you are one of us. All it's going to take is some sexy, sweaty next door neighbor that you think is sucking your son's cock, and you'll come round.

Metaphorically *wink*.

Posted by: superasente at February 2, 2010 10:46 PM

Barry Allen died in Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Not fanboy enough Rowles.

Posted by: Ken Hart at February 2, 2010 11:03 PM

Mr. Rowles, I sincerely enjoy your 'hate'.

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2010 11:16 PM

Poor Dustin is just working through his anger issues at knowing he's going to have to suffer through Valentine's Day in another week. He's taking it out on the geeks.

Posted by: Fredo at February 2, 2010 11:27 PM

Chloe Moretz is going to steal the show. I wouldn't be surprised if she charmed your geek-hating pants off.

Posted by: Mick J at February 2, 2010 11:33 PM

Schmaaaaaaaaa...

Posted by: PussyToTheWood! at February 2, 2010 11:59 PM

The long-awaited sequel to Napolean Dynamite.

Posted by: Gozer at February 3, 2010 12:06 AM

Shit. I had to read it twice to realize that Dustin was being sarcastic and mean to us nerds, not lovingly facetious.

Fine. Be that way. I'll just go re-watch Serenity and pretend I have friends.

Posted by: esme at February 3, 2010 12:13 AM

Show some respect, Dustin! Barry Allen died in the Crisis On Infinite Earths!

Posted by: coryo at February 3, 2010 12:31 AM

Wait ... I didn't see any boobies in that trailer. Where were the boobies? I go through all the trouble to lie to the age detector thingie (it thinks I'm 98 -- HAH!), I better DAMN as FUCK well see some boobies. All I saw was some dorky teens running around in weird jammies.

Kick Ass? Bite Me.

Posted by: , at February 3, 2010 12:38 AM

Between Dustin's hilarious skewering of geeks (it's just a stereotype, people. Relax, geez) and the last line of that trailer, I'm laughing uproariously. I'm just so happy right now!!

Seriously, Rowles, that was pitch-perfect. I just can't get over it.

Posted by: Jelinas at February 3, 2010 2:16 AM

Mockery, when it's done pitch-perfect as this, is a beautiful thing. Like breakfast pizza induced pimple craters washed clean with CG goddess vagina juice. It's magical.

Posted by: yocean at February 3, 2010 2:29 AM

Show respect for Mr. Allen please, get it right.

Posted by: rabbi at February 3, 2010 3:55 AM

I know it's wrong to be attracted to Hit Girl.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at February 3, 2010 8:55 AM

God, the "schmaaa" kills me everytime.

Where have you gone, Adventureman? We miss you.

Posted by: vikky at February 3, 2010 9:35 AM

I got laid last night. By a real person.

Yeah? Did he make you eggs this morning?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 3, 2010 9:44 AM

OK, I gotta ask about the subhead up there, cause it's buggin' me: "You Gotta Wash Your Ass" was the title of a Redd Foxx record. Is your hedline a play on that title somehow? I don't see a connection.

Maybe it's just a coincidence ...

Nah, nothing around this place is EVER a coincidence.

Posted by: , at February 3, 2010 9:51 AM

Wait, wait, wait. Why are people getting out their crybaby panties about Dustin's little rouse up there? Dustin is hardly the dunderhead jock perpetually doling out swirlies.

Y'all don't need to get all huffy about it, it's just a joke.

Ohhhhh I get it now!

Is there a February Fools' Day joke running around that I don't know about because I haven't joined y'all on the Facebook Fan page? And y'all pretend to take everything way too seriously so that people think you're unduly offended by comedic quips?

Is that it? That's got to be it.

Posted by: Kayanne at February 3, 2010 10:35 AM

It's going to be a rough day. I'm not even going to do myself the disservice of rereading the post to see Dustin make fun of nerds again. Which I don't think he did.

He also owes me a unicorn, so I'm staying on his good side (for now).

Posted by: Robert at February 3, 2010 10:39 AM

Every time that little girl swears I swoon a little. I don't think I even knew those words when I was her age. How can she be so damn cool?

Posted by: James at February 3, 2010 10:49 AM

I guess me saying people need to lighten up would sound really hypocritical, since last week I ragged on DR for referring to the Sex and the City bitches as elderly.

So I won't.

Posted by: Slash at February 3, 2010 10:49 AM

Hahahaha. That intro makes me want to see a street fight between hipsters and geeks where they should be coming at each other crouched down snapping their fingers, except the geeks can't do it because they're too uncoordinated and the hipsters just can't be bothered because the meme is so played out.

Posted by: Eep at February 3, 2010 11:02 AM

Slash I adore the fact that you took offense to Dustin referring to them as old, but calling them bitches is perfectly acceptable.

Posted by: admin at February 3, 2010 12:11 PM

RE "Slash I adore the fact that you took offense to Dustin referring to them as old, but calling them bitches is perfectly acceptable."

Well, they ARE bitches. OK, Charlotte isn't a bitch so much as she is (or was, before she married Harry) a dipshit.

Posted by: Slash at February 3, 2010 12:25 PM

I just want to learn the trick Hitgirl does with the magazines. In related news, Nic Cage doesn't suck the life out of the trailer, so maybe he'll leave the movie alone too.

Posted by: Alexandra at February 3, 2010 12:55 PM

I'm trying to picture Dustin high-fiving himself. And then following it up by saying 'holla'.
It's an interesting mental picture.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at February 4, 2010 2:17 AM

Damn, beat me to it, Ken. Whatever, I'm a Wally West guy myself.

Posted by: coryo at February 4, 2010 4:15 AM

Eep, what about those of us who are both hipsters and geeks? Don't make me choose, man, don't make me choose!

Posted by: welldressed at February 4, 2010 2:01 PM

You're in a movie that's more like The Blue and the Grey, welldressed, where brothers fight brothers and there's lots of honor and stuff. Except the battlefield is empty because the geeks are in the HQ arguing tactics and the hipsters are all watching this really quirky, disaffected band that's playing in town at this bar that's in a different location every night with no sign.

Posted by: Eep at February 5, 2010 2:57 AM