Jack The Giant Slayer Trailer: What If They Made A Movie About Jack And The Beanstalk And It Didn't Look Terrible?

true detective /hannibal / dc movies / snl / mindhole blowers / netflix / celebrity facts / marvel

Jack The Giant Slayer Trailer: What If They Made A Movie About "Jack And The Beanstalk" And It Didn't Look Terrible?

By TK | Trailers | November 21, 2012 | Comments ()


Hey, you guys! Remember this movie? Originally called Jack The Giant Killer, directed by Bryan Singer, stars that kid who played Beast in Austin Powers Awkwardly Dry-Humps The X-Men, or whatever the hell it was? Well it's still happening! And now it has a real trailer.

The film is, and I'm projecting here, but I'm guessing that some hack producer sold it as a "new, hip, gritty, fun take on "Jack And The Beanstalk" that'll net us all blowjobs and yachts!" Because seriously, a full-length movie about "Jack And The Beanstalk" is the dumbest goddamn idea since a full-length movie about "Hansel And Gretel."

Oh. Right.

Except there's a thing. A rather strange thing.

It's got this cast, see? Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor, Bill Nighy, Ian McShane, Stanley Tucci, Warwick Davis, Eddie Marsan, and Ewen Bremner. I mean, Jesus. That's some casting there. And, I mean, it's Bryan Singer, and he's got some skills, and a script by Christopher McQuarrie. And then there's this trailer. It doesn't look great, but I'll be damned if it doesn't actually look like a hell of a lot of fun. There's clever lines and lots of smashy-smash, and you guys KNOW how I love me some smashy-smash.

I feel weird.

Take a look:

Frankly, I'm just pissed because now I can't use my "Fee Fi Ho Hum" header idea.

/kicks rock

Breakfast Club, Except Everybody Dies: Bad Kids Go to Hell Trailer | Epic Trailer: Otherwise Known As How Fatherhood Has Made A Mess Out Of Me

Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Uriah_Creep

    It's got Swearingen. Imma see it.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I don't think I've ever seen an incarnation of Ewan McGregor that didn't work for me. Maybe heroin withdrawal Mark Renton. Maybe.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Looks meh. And the costume designer should be shot.

  • Capngravy

    Someone's been reading the Fables comic book series. Now, to search for Bullfinch Street in NYC and see if I can sneak past the troll at the Woodland Luxury Apartments...

  • BWeaves

    All growed up Nicholas Hoult is making some truly interesting movie choices. Damn, I hope he ages well.

  • Stephen Nein

    "Because seriously, a full-length movie about “Jack And The Beanstalk” is
    the dumbest goddamn idea since a full-length movie about “Hansel And

    Um, Jack of Fables? Anyone? Abusrdist anti-hero comedy not your thing?

    How about Peter & Max? Good vs. deranged patricidal evil spanning the world?

    Jeez . . If I was Bill Willingham, I'd be pissed.

  • BobbFrapples

    This might be fun.

  • Tinkerville

    The "you don't know Jack" tagline almost destroyed it for me, but I'm such a sucker for silly popcorn fantasy action movies that yes, yes I will be seeing this.

  • lowercase_ryan

    wow, that cast demands attention, no matter how lame "you don't know Jack" is.

  • blondefire

    hey--i was at hampton court last year when they were filming this! they kept us plebs out of sight...but the sets were pretty spectacular!

  • celery

    Suddenly, Nicholas Hoult. I'm okay with this.

  • That SyFy adaptation of Little Red Riding Hood starring Felicia Day didn't look too bad based on its promotional campaign, either. Never forget.

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    [pained expression] Please let's never speak of that. [/pained expression]

  • I was ready to be all proud of myself and show you all how smart I am by saying something like "if Stanley Tucci isn't a bad guy by Act 2 I'll eat my hat" (a real saying) and then they go ahead and show him as a bad guy in the trailer. So...yeah.

  • luckypete

    yeah, I was very disappointed yet again in another trailer that ruins things for everyone. I mean, it probably wouldn't have taken long watching the movie to figure out Stanley Tucci turns on everyone and becomes the traitorous bad guy, but no reason to spoil that in the trailer.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Header Question - well, the answer is obviously: "It would be the amazing Gene Kelly movie."

    But the movie - despite being an all-boy let's go rescue the princess extravaganza - does look fun. Saucy, foppish Ewan McGregor is the best Ewan McGregor.

  • ,

    Does Jack flick the giant's wife's magic bean?

    Cause I'd totally watch that.

  • Mrs. Julien

    You've been even more, um, ardent than usual of late. Frankly, I'm impressed. I would not have thought that possible.

  • ,

    , - / !

  • ashley

    It's based on Jack the Giant Killer -- an actual, existing fairy tale that is similar, and yet so much better than Jack and the Bean Stalk. My family owns a copy that's over 100 years old, and my dad used to read it to me when I was a kid. I'm babbling on because this is NOT Jack and the Bean Stalk, it's Jack the Giant Killer -- and I couldn't be more excited that a proper cast of actors is attempting to translate this great, great story to the big screen. Everybody go see it, please and thank you.

  • Ziver

    Darn, I was really hoping it was going to based on the book Jack the Giant Killer by Charles De Lint. The main Jack is actually a Jackie and the book is badass.

  • BWeaves

    I never knew that. Thanks for the info. I looked it up:


  • cheryl

    I can't with Ewan's hair and 'stache in this movie. I just can't.

  • John G.

    Why does Ewan McGregor look better than he ever has in this? I can't figure it out. Is it the hair?

  • Ziver

    It's totally the hair, makes him hotter somehow. Normally he has little pull for me

  • Mrs. Julien

    He's rocking the van dyke, too.

  • zeke_the_pig

    I had a good deal of snarky put-downs ready to jizz all over this...but after watching the trailer...yeah, fuck it - it does actually look like a bunch of fun. I'm in. No jizz for you!

  • BWeaves

    It's got a bit of a Princess Bride vibe going on, crossed with a bit of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

  • KBalls

    Nothing like some dude scaling a huge green penis to steal gold from a giant closeted away in the clouds.

  • Bert_McGurt

    It's really just a stealth trailer for the next Marvel movie - Hulk: The Incredible Cloudf*cker.

blog comments powered by Disqus