Jack The Giant Slayer Trailer: What If They Made A Movie About "Jack And The Beanstalk" And It Didn't Look Terrible?
Hey, you guys! Remember this movie? Originally called Jack The Giant Killer, directed by Bryan Singer, stars that kid who played Beast in Austin Powers Awkwardly Dry-Humps The X-Men, or whatever the hell it was? Well it's still happening! And now it has a real trailer.
The film is, and I'm projecting here, but I'm guessing that some hack producer sold it as a "new, hip, gritty, fun take on "Jack And The Beanstalk" that'll net us all blowjobs and yachts!" Because seriously, a full-length movie about "Jack And The Beanstalk" is the dumbest goddamn idea since a full-length movie about "Hansel And Gretel."
Except there's a thing. A rather strange thing.
It's got this cast, see? Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor, Bill Nighy, Ian McShane, Stanley Tucci, Warwick Davis, Eddie Marsan, and Ewen Bremner. I mean, Jesus. That's some casting there. And, I mean, it's Bryan Singer, and he's got some skills, and a script by Christopher McQuarrie. And then there's this trailer. It doesn't look great, but I'll be damned if it doesn't actually look like a hell of a lot of fun. There's clever lines and lots of smashy-smash, and you guys KNOW how I love me some smashy-smash.
I feel weird.
Take a look:
Frankly, I'm just pissed because now I can't use my "Fee Fi Ho Hum" header idea.
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