It's That Time Again! Time To F*ck, Marry, or Falcon Punch Some Trailers!
Just like she said, it just keeps getting harder. This week's contestants on F*ck, Marry, or Falcon Punch are squirrelier than a couple of Phoenix bakery proprietors. This choice will be more difficult than picking your favorite "Arrested Development" quote from those that only relate to expensive suits. BEHOLD, YOUR TRAILERS:
First up today, we have DIsney's Planes. The kid-friendly sequel will be released n August 9th, yet they chose to give us this trailer without any dialogue. Is it because the dialogue is unfinished or because they would like us to forget that Dane Cook voices the lead plane, Dusty Crophopper? If you are wondering, the beautiful lady in the header is Priyanka Chopra, voice of Ishani in the movie.
I got really bored watching this trailer. That alone kicks it out of the F*ck running for me. I suppose I'll have to Marry this one and maybe keep some other Pixar flick on the side.
Next up is Last Vegas, starring Robert De Niro, Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Kline. When Billy (Douglas) informs his long-time pals that he is getting married, they all take off for a four-day weekend in Las Vegas. It's like The Hangover except sponsored by Viagra and fanny packs.
This one might be the best of the three, but it doesn't seem like marriage material. I'm going to F*ck this one, friends. I'm going to get it all hepped up on Red Bull and vodka, make sure all false teeth are properly secured its mouth, and go at the old man balls.
Last and least is v/h/s 2. The first v/h/s was a steaming pile when it could have been something really amazing and innovative. Instead we got lots of boobs, plots that revolved around showing some boobs, and then gore. Also, boobs. The sequel hits On Demand June 6th and theaters July 12th.
This trailer is super, amazing, totally NSFW Red Band. It also gives away lots and lots of things that would have been nice scares.
Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)
Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)
Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his
Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)