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By Seth Freilich | Trailers | October 7, 2011 | Comments ()

Fox has a new midseason show called “Touch.” The key facts you need to know whether it’s going to be good or not are all contained in the following trailer — see if you can decipher the riddle:

Let’s break it down.

From the creator of “Heroes.” Because that turned out so well.

And the director of I Am Legend. Because that turned out so well.

“What if fate is a formula?” and “What if coincidence is a calculation?” Because numerological hokum makes for riveting television.

“There are those among us, mostly kids, whose sole purpose is to act as air traffic controllers for that inner connectivity.” Oh, Danny Glover, aren’t you really too old for this shit?

And then there’s Kiefer playing this weird mix of reluctant hero (maybe it was just the music, but I was getting this Bruce Willis from Unbreakable vibe, only without the powers and with more gritting) and caring father who has finally connected with his son. Bullshit! I’m sorry Kiefer, but I do not want this. I want you snarling. I want you escaping nuclear explosions in your little fucking airplane because of course that happens. I want you hooking your son’s testicles up to an electrical socket because he won’t tell you why he keeps climbing that antenna tower. That’s the shit I want. This shit I do not want.

I have a sneaking suspicion that “Touch” is going to be the kind of bad touch that requires years of therapy.

(Source: TV by the Numbers)

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