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Can I Get Into Heaven Yet, Jesus, or Do I Need to Remake Mary Poppins?

Honky Biddnessman Be Trippin’ / Brian Prisco

Trailers | January 20, 2009 | Comments (19)

Ah well. You can’t get mad at Eddie Murphy anymore. Everyone stole his schtick about being the baddest black man around, so he’s decided to make children’s movies. I don’t know. Maybe he found a church that requires penance in the form of family films. Noggintology or some such shit.

In Imagine That, he’s not wearing a fat suit or dressed up in whiteface, so there’s that much. He’s kind of pulling a Jim Carrey — toning down his usual manic Robin Williams street preacher-style buffoonery for the mass conglomerates — but still making sure to throw in a wacky dance or voice.

He’s a business executive who doesn’t pay attention to his young daughter. So of course, she develops magical powers that will help him with business. And then he loves her just to get at her delicious magical powers. And then he just plain ol’ loves her.

I guess the eighteen month cycle has passed for a washed-up comedian to do a family movie about a neglectful exec. Seriously, why does every father who wears a suit have to be portrayed as a douchebag who’ll only pay attention to his children when they bibbity bobbity boo up their shit? Is the moral of the story, if you work white collar, you don’t love your children? No wonder we’re in a fucking recession. Obama, save us! Save the Murphy, save the world.


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Comments

Eddie Murphy hasn't been funny since before I hit puberty.

And I've voted in three presidential elections.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 20, 2009 5:20 PM

Funny you mentioned "hit" stripe, Murphy hasn't been funny since he "hit" that tranny on sunset.

Posted by: Pookie at January 20, 2009 5:33 PM

Heh heh.

Posted by: greer at January 20, 2009 6:02 PM

With each successive movie since, "Bowfinger" looks more and more like some kind of dream aberration. Did it actually happen or am I only imagining it so I can believe Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin retained the capability to be funny after the early 1990s?

Am I crazy in thinking that the two of them should make a REAL "Fake Purse Ninjas"? How would it be any worse than "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" or "Bride Wars" or any of the other shit movies currently out there? Just by default it would have to improve upon "Pluto Nash" and "The Pink Panther. Odds are that it could be decent if they stuck to the "Bowfinger" premise, right? Please? PLEASE?!?!?!

Posted by: Abe Froman at January 20, 2009 6:04 PM

Huh...and here I was thinking Eddie Murphy was never funny. You mean there was a time that he was? Really?

He just gives off this creepy vibe. He's THAT guy. You know, the one who mumbles a lot and always smells like pot, stale cheetos and desperation. Like my Grandpa!

Posted by: Kelly at January 20, 2009 6:08 PM

Way off topic here but has anyone else seen the Michael Cera interview at Sundance ? I officially hate the lanky douchenozzle .

Posted by: GILP at January 20, 2009 6:09 PM

Fuck that. I already had to endure 11 seconds of the new Hanna Montana atrocity! You are not showing me this thing!

Posted by: George at January 20, 2009 6:32 PM

It's true. If I were a business executive and I had kids, I'd hate them.

Posted by: Lucas at January 20, 2009 9:16 PM

When will you people ever learn? Hating children just makes good business sense. Have the movies taught you nothing?

Do you seriously think Lee Iacocca loves his children? Warren Buffett? Why do you think Sam Walton's heirs are so rich now -- his kids gave him a choice between funding their trust funds to the billionth degree or writing a "Daddy Dearest"-type expose.

Posted by: Wednesday at January 20, 2009 10:45 PM

"With each successive movie since, "Bowfinger" looks more and more like some kind of dream aberration. Did it actually happen or am I only imagining it so I can believe Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin retained the capability to be funny after the early 1990s?

Am I crazy in thinking that the two of them should make a REAL "Fake Purse Ninjas"? How would it be any worse than "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" or "Bride Wars" or any of the other shit movies currently out there? Just by default it would have to improve upon "Pluto Nash" and "The Pink Panther. Odds are that it could be decent if they stuck to the "Bowfinger" premise, right? Please? PLEASE?!?!?!" - Posted by: Abe Froman at January 20, 2009 6:04 PM

Abe Froman, the Sausage Barron of Chicago?

Posted by: Bane at January 20, 2009 11:00 PM

Um, 'Daddy-Daughter Day?'
'Mount Springfield?'
'Denver, justify my love?'

I probably just made that up.

I always hated Max Headroom.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at January 21, 2009 12:07 AM

"He just gives off this creepy vibe. He's THAT guy. You know, the one who mumbles a lot and always smells like pot, stale cheetos and desperation. Like my Grandpa!"

Kelly, you're great

Posted by: mario at January 21, 2009 12:39 AM

Abe Froman, the Sausage Barron of Chicago?

"Yep, that's me. Are you suggesting I'm not who I say I am?"

P.S., it's "Sausage King."

Posted by: Abe Froman at January 21, 2009 2:16 AM

You're my hero today Pookie...thank you for saying it so I didn't have to.

Knowing that much about an entertainer ruins the suspension of disbelief for me...case in point, my longstanding Mr. Crazypants Cruise boycott (WELL before he jumped on Oprah's couch, I hated him like poison), my Hugh Grant Moratorium, and my recently found loathing for Brad Pitt (I'm sorry, but she eats men, and the minute they hooked up was the death knell for my admittedly unhealthy admiration for him).

I pray that Adam Sandler gets caught with a tranny...just to give me a fucking excuse.

Posted by: Smokin at January 21, 2009 2:29 AM

I didn't think Eddie Murphy liked kids. Wasn't there this big hoopla about him not fathering a child from a Spice Girl? Or was that to prove that he didn't sleep with that particular Spice?

Posted by: caity at January 21, 2009 2:37 AM

It's been many, many, many years but Coming to America? Was great.

Posted by: twig at January 21, 2009 7:13 AM

Dudes, Eddie Murphy was hilarious in the 80s. Insanely hilarious. Doesn't mean he should continue to crap all over his cred and his goodwill by making this drivel, but still. Credit where credit is due.

Maybe the time has come for Charlie Murphy to don the mantle and continue where Eddie left off.

Posted by: Clee Shay at January 21, 2009 10:17 AM

Aww, stop it Mario - you're making me blush! ;)

Posted by: Kelly at January 21, 2009 11:08 AM

It bears saying: great comedians often make great character actors, but awful lead actors.

I've always wanted to meet Eddie, just to tell him to stop making movies that are just vehicles for Eddie Murphy: Star, and make movies as Eddie Murphy: actor. Or better yet, go away for a couple of years and start doing stand up again.

I firmly believe that comedians like Eddie and Robin Williams are naturally good actors because they excel at observing people and telling good stories, but often don't have the chops to pull off lead roles that require them to sustain an audience's empathy for an entire film.

Partly, that's us, our expectations; we expect comedians to break convention, not reinforce it. Both Murphy and Williams have done their best acting in either supporting roles (Dream Girls for Murphy; Dead Again and Good Will Hunting for Williams) or in ensemble roles. When's Eddie gonna play a bad guy, or a tragic character, or the throwaway, "five minutes on screen with cracking dialogue upon which the whole plot turns-thriller" kind of a role?

I guess Eddie makes me sad, because he was my hero in junior high, when all I wanted to be was a comedian. Until I realized I wasn't that funny.

Posted by: tiddo at January 21, 2009 1:08 PM