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If You Don't "Get" the Trailer for Roland Emmerich's Anonymous, It's Only Because You'll NEVER Understand His Genius

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (26)

anofsgfgnymous.jpg

Roland Emmerich’s (Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow, Independence Day) new movie Anonymous works from the premise that William Shakespeare never wrote a single word. And then there’s EXPLOSIONS. And the RADIOHEAD (naturally). And lots of WHOOSHING.

OH MY GOD IT’S SO PROFOUND. THANK YOU ROLAND EMMERICH. AND THANK YOU ALL CAPS FOR ALLOWING ME TO EXPRESS THE KIND OF ENTHUSIASM ONLY A ROLAND EMMERICH MOVIE COULD PROVOKE.

But where are the aliens? Oh My God! They’re hidden in the eunuch’s testicle jar, aren’t they?









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Comments

HAPPY TO HELP.

Posted by: ALL CAPS at April 7, 2011 2:55 PM

I have the same feeling I had when I saw the trailer for the Russell Crow "Robin Hood". Like I'm just going to get hurt again, aren't I? Aren't I?

Posted by: RhymesWithSilver at April 7, 2011 2:57 PM

Goddammit. I was really looking forward to this movie. WTF is this crap? Mark Anderson's book, Shakespeare by Another Name ... about the theory that Edward de Vere was Shax, was actually pretty enjoyable and compelling. Sigh. Sir Derek, what are you doing mixed up in all this nonsense?

...Do you think maybe it's just a really awful trailer?

PS. Robin Hood was actually a good movie. So there.

Posted by: Samantha at April 7, 2011 3:11 PM

WHAT?!?!?!?!

Posted by: Sarah J-town at April 7, 2011 3:19 PM

I'll reserve judgement until I see how everything in the trailer leads into hackers who support Julian Assange.

Posted by: Markus at April 7, 2011 3:19 PM

i didn't watch the trailer, but is this a late april fool's joke?

I like shakespeare, and i like emmerich (what? its the splodey destruction of the world) but never, really never the twain should meet

Posted by: idleprimate at April 7, 2011 3:21 PM

You mean the latest "Robin Hood"? I don't know how a movie that was 80% fighting managed to be so boring. The whole thing would have been much better if it just left Russell Crowe in France and followed the Merry Men. Also, lots of whooshing- I swear they were trying to beat out "300" for "Most Arrows Fired in a Movie".

Posted by: RhymesWithSilver at April 7, 2011 3:24 PM

I think M. Night Shylock is the more misunderstood genius.

Posted by: DenG at April 7, 2011 3:24 PM

You know... if I squint and tilt my head I can almost understand this. After watching the trailer once I'm baffled and a little angry. I imagine if I watched it again I might well become so confused I could forget my name...

And it's entirely possible that watching that movie could cause me to lose my memory and language skills entirely and reduce me to raving, weeping and screeching incoherently.

At which point, of course, I would be given a place on a reality tv show. So at least there's a happy ending?

Posted by: Wintermute at April 7, 2011 3:27 PM

Boring? I mean, I guess it's not Michael Bay or anything, but I thought it was enjoyable and entertaining, despite being very concerned that it would be as bad as all the stupid critics tried to make it out to be.

Posted by: Samantha at April 7, 2011 3:30 PM

Still, on the bright side, at least it's not the lesser Fiennes brother emoting all over the screen.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 7, 2011 3:32 PM

I mean, I guess it's not Michael Bay or anything
Posted by: Samantha at April 7, 2011 3:30 PM

To Bay or not to Bay. That is the question.

Posted by: Odnon. at April 7, 2011 3:43 PM

I really don't understand what you think the problem is - Derek Jacobi, for cripes sake. He's enough to get me to the theater. BTW, there are plenty of actors and scholars, Jacobi, among them, who believe that Shakespeare didn't write the plays, but they were written by the Earl of Oxford. So what's a few 'splosions to help prove his point?

Posted by: xoxoxoe at April 7, 2011 4:01 PM

Did I miss the memo that we're going to make "cripes" happen?

This is the fifth use of the word in 24 hours and I have never seen it used on Pajiba before that.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 7, 2011 4:08 PM

It doesn't look so bad. Lots o' costumes (plus), Elizabeth R (plus), grand conspiracy (plus).

Besides - "Shakespeare never wrote a word" is one of the oldest obsessions in the English-speaking world. It's about time someone made one movie on the topic.

It's not like they're suggesting that he based his plays on some girl he knew in college, right?

Posted by: Meander at April 7, 2011 4:13 PM

If you simply read the updates as they came to you PaddyDog, you would keep abreast of the Pajiban groupthink. Don't keep clearing your Inbox and then blame us because you're not au courant.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 7, 2011 4:18 PM

How am I supposed to keep abreast of things when I'm busy flaunting my penis on this site?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 7, 2011 4:22 PM

Time management is your problem not ours. If I can find time to pretend to be an assortment of diseases and refrain from saying "squ**" and "b*nk", you can take time out of your busy pseudo-phallus display commitments to read an email or two.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 7, 2011 4:28 PM

Hari Seldon gone get raped.

Posted by: Lawdog at April 7, 2011 4:44 PM

As long as its not Kathy Selden everything is fine.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 7, 2011 5:04 PM

So Derek Jacobi is going to be the Greek chorus, again. Didn't he already play this role in Branagh's Henry V? I recognize the scarf.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 7, 2011 5:31 PM

Mrs. Julien, if they harm one head on Kathy Selden's head, there will be hell to play.

Posted by: Odnon. at April 7, 2011 5:58 PM

it all seems like sour grapes to me. shakespeare wrote shakespeare. it's as simple as that. james shapiro has a recent book title contested will that aims to prove all the sound and fury over the earl of oxford (and others) signifies nothing.

Posted by: splinter at April 7, 2011 6:13 PM

i tried watcing the trailer, but spaced out within 10 or 15 seconds, so, i still have no idea what this is about or if it is simply an internet prank--everyone else will have gotten the joke except the stupid monkey, and then all the kids laugh at him. wait, ummm, did i type that out loud? cripes.

Posted by: idleprimate at April 7, 2011 6:41 PM

Oh. MAN. I am going to see this so hardcore and I'm going to rave about it just to see the Shakespeare scholars in my department lose their shit. I'm gonna get all up in their pompous little Shakespeare faces and let it rip. Oh, thank you Roland Emmerich, I could not be more greatful for your shitty, shitty looking movie at this time in my life.

Seriously.

I fucking hate Shakespearean grad scholars.

Posted by: Claire Allison at April 7, 2011 9:18 PM

I'm with Claire. I'll see it for the conversational canon fodder.

Posted by: ken at April 9, 2011 9:20 PM