I Remember When That Word Meant Something: Hansel and Gretel Redband Trailer
film / tv / lists / guides / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / podcasts / web culture / politics / dc / snl / netflix / marvel / cbr

I Remember When That Word Meant Something: Hansel and Gretel Redband Trailer

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | January 7, 2013 | Comments ()

Thumbnail image for hansel_and_gretel_witch_hunters_2013-1920x1080.jpg

It's a truism that as you get older, memory casts a friendly light on the past. The further back a day you remember, the better that day probably was on average than later ones. But sometimes, memory isn't lying. Sometimes it is screaming at you that things are getting worse. I'm not talking about justice, or family values, or even the price of a cup of coffee. No my friends, I'm talking about something far more important, something that tears at the very fabric of our lives. I'm talking about the waning of proper redband trailers.

Back in the day, redband meant you were getting the goods. There was no Internet, and by jingo if they were going to cut a trailer and throw it up in front of audiences, they were going to cut it down to PG-13 so that they only had to cut it once. In the dark times before computer-dingles this took millions of dollars and hundreds of employees to accomplish. So a redband trailer was a massive and unmistakable signal that a movie meant business. And there was going to be rated-R content with all its glory. Now? It costs a studio six dollars to cut seven trailers a week. And they found out that we love the redband, so what do they do? They water down that holiest of holy trailers.

Here's a redband trailer for Hansel and Gretel: Audiences Aren't Picky in January:

Look, the movie looks fun, but redband? I have certain standards. When I see a red screen before a trailer, I expect to see sex and violence so psychologically scarring that the Family Research Council commissions a study demonstrating that one third of those exposed become serial killers.

I've Got Your Creepy Kid Quota For The Week, A Side Of Abandoned House Shenanigans, And A Gosling Dessert | Those Bastards At NBC Continue To String Us Along On the Fate of "Community," Plus More on "The Office" and "Up All Night"

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Dragonchild

    "It costs a studio six dollars to cut seven trailers a week."

    Um, no, studios SPEND six dollars to cut seven trailers a week. Mourn your redbands, but trailers overall have gone WAY downhill.

    Trailers are what convinced people to watch "The Wicker Man: Abominable NiCage Re-make". It was actually crafted well enough to convince people it was a decently scary movie. THAT'S marketing. Nowadays I'm finding trailers are convincing me various movies are a lot WORSE than they really are. Any ad that drives people AWAY from the product should be considered a total failure, so I'm wondering if we aren't far away from rock bottom here.

  • duckandcover

    "By jingo" and "computer dingles." I have nothing else to comment on, other than I'm going to try and use those in day-to-day conversations.

  • Lindsey Gregory

    This movie looks 10 kinds of terrible.

  • opiejuankenopie

    Easy solution: open this trailer in one tab, the Evil Dead trailer in another, watch the Evil Dead while listening to this. This movie just got properly red banded.

  • This is going to be terrible. I can't wait.

  • Tinkerville

    God help me, I'm so freaking excited for this.

  • mrcreosote

    I assumed it was Redband for obscene editing and profane acting. Sort of a judgement from on high sort of thing. I am going to see this in a theater, and I may sneak in a drink or two. Because Renner and Genna would have been a better title.

  • Mrcreosote

    Gemma. Sorry. In my defense I'm kind of an idiot.

  • Drake

    Non-stop video too. Sucking in multi-dimensions.

  • BWeaves

    When I see Red Band, I expect BOOBIES, with a capital OO.

  • Natallica

    Why would you cast Gemma Arterton to NOT make her show her boobs? I think that's against the 11th commandment, actually. "Thou shall not squander the mighty boobage"

  • Jezzer

    I thought this movie was rated "T" for "Teen."

  • Meghanf

    Well, there was a "shit" and a "fucking" in there, and everyone knows that children would remain innocent forever if we could just keep them from ever hearing those words.

blog comments powered by Disqus