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I Despise Forrest Gump, I Loathe Julia Roberts; Why Can't I Hate Tom Hanks? Larry Crowne Trailer

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (25)

larry-crowne.jpg

I’ve tried to hate Tom Hanks, I really have. Though I don’t use the word “hate” lightly (like “love,” it’s gotten to be an overly used, watered-down expression), I really have some internal desire to be filled with disgust at the sight of Hanks, but he’s so damned likable, I can’t seem to do it. There is no movie that irks me more than Forrest Gump. If I had ever been anywhere in his vicinity, I’d have stuck out my foot and tripped that motherfucker, braces and all. It irritates the shit out of me that Tom Hanks won an Oscar for that monotone, slow-talking, dispassionate, cornball “performance.” On top of that, like Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, Gwynnie, Angelina and Brad, Hanks has hit that point where one really can’t see him on the screen and forget that he’s Tom Hanks. He doesn’t disappear into character anymore; he’s a MEGASTAR.

This trailer is abominable. Roberts is (as usual) awful; she can’t even pull off a believable drunk. Whenever I see that stupid shot that all Julia Roberts movies seem to throw in—the one where she looks over her shoulder with that mile wide, shit-eating grin—I want to slap it off her face. The plot is stupid and corny and only the crowd at the Century Village dollar theater is going to believe that Hanks and Roberts have a single iota of chemistry between them. Hanks looks like a moron in his little scooter helmet. The music sucks. Couldn’t they at least get Meg Ryan? (Maybe she’s “freshening up” again?) It’s so bad, you may as well watch it so you can help me adequately describe how horrible it is and warn off everyone you know. Just make sure you haven’t eaten within the hour, because you may need to vomit.

See? You want to hate him, but you can’t—right? There are no rumors of him cheating on his wife, he doesn’t seem to be a Scientologist and he hasn’t written any cookbooks. Asshole.

Larry Crowne also stars Bryan Cranston (*sob*), George Takei, Jon Seda, Nia Vardalos, Cedric the Entertainer, Ian Gomez, Pam Grier and Wilmer Valderrama and will desecrate theaters July 1, 2011.









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Comments

I'm totally seeing this. You big meanie.

Posted by: Lucas at April 25, 2011 5:19 PM

This movie is bound to be terrible, but honestly, that trailer wasn't bad at all. And I can't STAND Julia Roberts, and even she wasn't that bad. And Tom Hanks was pretty charming.

Posted by: jimbob at April 25, 2011 5:25 PM

I hate her face and you're right she can't pull off drunk at all. Give me that bottle, Julia and I'll show you how this is done.

Posted by: Paultera at April 25, 2011 5:26 PM

i won't be seeing this.

Posted by: splinter at April 25, 2011 5:44 PM

Even after he played Balki trapped in the airport and/or Colonel Sanders in...that movie that I don't think had anything to do with chicken (fired or otherwise)?

No?

Posted by: beet salad at April 25, 2011 5:46 PM

mmmm....fired chicken

Posted by: beet salad at April 25, 2011 5:50 PM

I have no problem hating Mot Shank with the intensity of 6000 burning suns.

Posted by: Mot Shank sucks at April 25, 2011 5:59 PM

Tom Hanks can play anything and be lovable. Besides, he can be ANY animal!!!

Posted by: Sofia at April 25, 2011 7:02 PM

When did community make an episode starring tom hanks?

Posted by: not dan harmon at April 25, 2011 7:37 PM

Hating Tom Hanks is like hating puppies who eat ice cream....You could do it, but why not direct your energy at the Kard-ass-ians or Lady Gaga?

Plus every time you try to start hating him, you will just think of Bosom Buddies and then you'll smile and forget about why you got mad in the first place.

Posted by: JuiceinLA at April 25, 2011 7:40 PM

I agree with almost everything you say, Cindy...and yet...that little piece of business riiiiiiight at the end of the trailer is SO ADORABLE.

Posted by: Jerce at April 25, 2011 7:50 PM

I had a dream the other night that I was married to Tom Hanks and I brought him home to meet my dad. And then the weird tumblr of Tom Hanks as animals in P-Love today, and then this trailer.

WTF IS GOING ON, HANKS???

It was better than that one dream/nightmare where I was getting married to a young Jack Nicholson, though. That took some recovery time.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at April 25, 2011 8:05 PM

This looks horrifically bad. And I can't hate Tom Hanks but I can hate his professional choices for the past 15 years. All downhill since Big and Turner & Hooch.

Posted by: Brenda at April 25, 2011 8:36 PM

whooooooooooooooo IIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS iiiiiiiiiiit?

Plus his son is a good actor, and he has the Hanks adorableness.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at April 25, 2011 8:44 PM

Was he Buffy or Hildy? It's been so long.

Posted by: kirbyjay at April 25, 2011 9:46 PM

People used to look at me like I had a penis growing out of my forehead when I'd tell them I despised Forrest Gump. Thank you for having my back, Cindy (that's why you wrote that, right?)

Posted by: Uriah Creep at April 25, 2011 9:55 PM

It's because deep down we know that as likable as Hanks is on-screen, he's just as likable off of it.

Posted by: James S at April 25, 2011 10:09 PM

You just gotta learn to ignore the horribles. Like how I forgot that The Terminal ever existed. It allows me to still love the man as much as I ever did.

Posted by: Figgy at April 25, 2011 10:12 PM

I didn't think I could loathe JR any more, but similar to the heroes in those stories of people who find it in them to lift a car off a little girl trapped beneath it after an accident, or soldiers who single-handedly storm machine-gun nests and kill 14 enemy barehanded, I always find a new and deeper reservoir of 200 proof Despise I didn't know I had in me.

Posted by: , at April 25, 2011 11:41 PM

No to this movie - but I can't hate Tom Hanks. He gave us That Thing You Do, and no matter how awful his movies, he will always be Mr. White to me, and therefore completely forgiven.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at April 26, 2011 9:27 AM

I LOVE the font they used for the title... Fenice, haven't seen it used in years.

See, I can find something to love about a Hanks/Roberts romcom.

Posted by: Mrs Smith at April 26, 2011 9:47 AM

Tom Hanks is most likely Satan because he is impossible to hate. He does nothing exceptionally well yet most humans love him.

Julia Roberts should be Satan. Her giant mouth could swallow souls whole.

Posted by: logan at April 26, 2011 10:57 AM

What's wrong with that trailer. Looks ok to me. Stop trying so hard to be cool.

Posted by: sosumi at April 26, 2011 4:12 PM

What kind of soulless person doesn't like Forrest Gump?

Posted by: D.P. at April 26, 2011 4:15 PM

I will totally see this in 5 years when TBS and USA play this every weekend for a year. And I will like it.

Posted by: llaurus at April 27, 2011 1:17 PM