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I Believe The Children Are Our Future, And I Also Believe That We Are F*cked: Prom & Go For It! Trailers

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (18)



prom-movie-photo-02-550x365.jpg

OK, first of all: Some of you are going to say that these are harmless fluff films, and what’s the point in getting all riled up about that. And that’s an excellent point, and one that I haven’t much of a response to, except for this: Shut the fuck up, you worthless fucking killjoy. If you’re going to get annoyed because I’m annoyed, than feel free to fuck off and die and go find a website where people are reasonable and the writers give a shit what you think. Just because it’s harmless fluff, doesn’t mean it has to be goddamn terrible.

There, that’s good to get off my chest.

There are two trailers in this post, and I encourage you to watch them. Not because they’re good, because sweet merciful crap, they are truly awful. But because I’d like you to see just how goddamn unoriginal teen movies have become. First, we have Prom, which is sort of what would happen if Sixteen Candles ate a pile of moldy goat dicks and then swallowed an entire box of laxatives:

Yowza.

Next, we have the delightfully saccharine Go For It! (ake sure you get that exclamation point in there. That’s how you know they’re not fucking around). As near as I can tell, Go For It Exclamation Point is the exact same story as Step Up… or Save The Last Dance… or How She Move… or Center Stage?. Except it has a Latino cast. Seriously, I’m pretty sure that’s the only difference.

Also, I think this looks better than Prom. How sad is that?

Hey, you know that game you play with Chinese fortune cookies, where you finish the fortune with “in bed”? I was thinking that, if I were a Hollywood producer, I would do something like that whenever I heard a pitch for movies like these. Except that instead of “in bed,” I’d use “and then everyone got disemboweled by ninjas.”

Here, I’ll show you how to play:

At Prom, every couple has a story and no two are exactly alike. Several intersecting stories unfold at one high school as the big dance approaches; Prom portrays the precarious passage from high school to independence as some relationships unravel and others ignite. For Nova Prescott (Aimee Teegarden), it’s a battle of wills as she finds herself drawn to the guy (Thomas McDonell) who gets in the way of her perfect prom. Fellow seniors Mei (Yin Chang) and Tyler (De’Vaughn Nixon) harbor secrets, while others face all the insecurity and anticipation that surrounds one of high school’s most seminal events. There are hundreds of nights in high school, but there’s only one Prom. And then everyone got disemboweled by ninjas.








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Comments

Monday morning and you're going to give me this crap? Not that I don't love the interplay of high schoolers stressing about the Prom (The only really important rule is avoid Apple Pucker. I know it tastes like sweet tarts, but that crap is nasty coming back up) but no more ,please.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 18, 2011 9:15 AM

Good God, Julie Taylor. Didn't your momma raise you better than this?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HURT US SO! Think of what Coach's hair wold say!

Posted by: Figgy at April 18, 2011 9:23 AM

Wow, my teenager has told me she wants to see Prom (and had to endure the "I-raised-you-better-than-that" speech from me), but now that I know there'll be ninja disembowelment, I may just have to reconsider.

Posted by: Wednesday at April 18, 2011 9:38 AM

Let's face it: "Carrie" was the definitive prom movie and nothing will ever surpass it.
These pale imitations should just be ignored.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 18, 2011 9:38 AM

'First, we have Prom, which is sort of what would happen if Sixteen Candles ate a pile of moldy goat dicks and then swallowed an entire box of laxatives'

-----

That right there...art. Who said vitriol never lead to anything creative? A clueless dick thumb that's who.

Posted by: zeke the pig at April 18, 2011 9:42 AM

Prom is approaching and as the big date draws near, Tyler, Nina, and Paulette explore their most intimate and lustful desires...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 18, 2011 9:44 AM

The special today is goat dicks.

Are they fresh?

Well, they're a little mouldy but we're pairing them with a laxative sorbet, so it all works out.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 18, 2011 9:58 AM

I thought the actors' names you made up for the synopsis were really funny and then I went to IMDB and got sad.

Posted by: that guy at April 18, 2011 10:01 AM

Go For It! is only being released because Lionsgate teamed up with Pantelion to distribute films targeted at a Latin audience nationwide. I don't know exactly what that's supposed to mean, but the AMC commercial that airs before this trailer in theaters had me convinced that it could be a good idea (if they get some good films to distribute).

Posted by: Robert at April 18, 2011 10:03 AM

Okay. I watched them both. I'd like my ninja now. Disembowelment would feel better.

Posted by: Paultera at April 18, 2011 10:27 AM

In the Prom trailer there seems to be a giant fight, a big fire, and some sort of chase scene? What the fuck kind of prom night is this?

Posted by: Mike D at April 18, 2011 10:44 AM

I didn't know goat dicks could mold.

Hmm.

Posted by: Candee at April 18, 2011 12:07 PM

I absolutely LOVE movies with teenage boys that have perfect skin, the highest self-esteem ever know to men and say things like "If I'm about to kiss you, you'll know it".

Because that JUST LIKE real life.

I need my Freaks and Geeks now.

Posted by: Holly at April 18, 2011 12:53 PM

Oh boy.

Now I really want to see Julie Taylor get with that 50 cent version of Tim Riggins.

Posted by: grace b at April 18, 2011 1:51 PM

Was the MC in Go For It (!) that comedian Sinbad? Because seriously, that MC in Go For It(!!) was Sinbad.

Posted by: Nadine at April 18, 2011 1:57 PM

I'd watch a movie about any one of the kids in Prom attempting to stand up straight. It would be the best horror-comedy of the decade.

Posted by: kiyo-chan at April 18, 2011 2:03 PM

Figgy, the first thing I thought was Tami Taylor raised Julie better than this!!

Posted by: Austin at April 19, 2011 12:01 AM

Well the Prom trailer uses a track from The Naked and Famous in the background so at the very least perhaps SOME good will come of this film. Kids need exposure to better music than just Bieber, Perry, and the Black Eyed Peas, dammit!

Posted by: mb at April 19, 2011 8:57 AM