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Statham VII: The Stathaming ... Hummingbird Trailer

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | March 25, 2013 | Comments ()


statham_hummingbird.jpg

It's nice that some things in the world never change. Other actors try to take on serious roles, or ones to showcase comic timing. Jason Statham doesn't have time for that, because if he did, he might miss an opportunity to take his shirt off or kick someone in the face, and such things are not why Abraham Lincoln died to defend the Alamo from the Communists after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

Here's the trailer for Hummingbird, which I assume is what Statham's character both moves and stings like. It's a little known fact that hummingbirds are among nature's most deadly creatures. Their long and slender "beak" is not actually for eating nectar, but for stabbing enemies repeatedly and drinking their blood, like the overgrown mosquito/eagle hybrid that they actually are. They escaped from Baskerville in the late eighties.

And here's the plot summary, which was apparently written by someone being paid by the word, and double for every cliche plot development:

After witnessing his unit ripped to shreds by artillery fire in Afghanistan, Joey Jones (Jason Statham) has been living on the streets of London, trying to forget his past and stay of out trouble. On the run from a ruthless gang, he breaks into the apartment of a wealthy man in Convent Garden and assumes his upper-class identity. Just as Joey is on his way to making amends with his friend and sponsor Sister Cristina, his pregnant girlfriend is found dead in the river. Now, Joey must use his connections in the Chinese mob to find the man responsible, stopping at nothing until justice is served. From acclaimed screenwriter Steven Knight comes an elevated thriller about a broken man with a battered past, fighting to do what's right, even if that means breaking his own rules.

Oh come on now, that's got more plot complexity than Shakespeare, and we've seen the trailer, so that lends a certain suspicion to such grandiose claims of plot. I can write a better plot right here (which I think I wrote for a review of a Statham movie a couple years ago. The one with Clive Owen. I honestly can't remember the name of it off hand, which says all you need to know about the movie): Jason Statham plays Jason Statham. He Stathams some evil Stathams, with Stathamesque Stathaming. Prognosis? Stathamtastic.

The film represents the directorial debut of Steven Knight, who wrote Eastern Promises and Dirty Pretty Things, and arrives in UK theaters on May 17th, though there isn't word yet when it will arrive to kick America in the face.







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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Uriah_Creep

    Joey Jones (Jason Statham) has been living on the streets of London, trying to forget his past and stay of out trouble.

    The plot description was also written by someone who backs writewards.

  • mslewis

    There is absolutely no connection between the plot summary and what was seen in the trailer. Was that intentional? You know, to keep us guessing. And, why is the movie called "Hummingbird"??? Was that mentioned? Did I miss something? I'm confused. Stathem has a bald head. How is that sexy? And what the fuck is that accent? Do I know this man? He's the one who dates that model, right?

  • I can't be bothered to read through everyone's posts below so my apologies if someone else already pointed this out, but isn't it Covent Garden? I.e., drop the first "n"?
    Although, now that you mention it, Statham in a convent garden would be quite interesting as well. Sister Act IV: The Gardner Strikes Back.

  • ,

    Pretty sure you're right. I hit that roadblock too.

    Then again, it DOES mention a "Sister Cristina."

    Maybe the writer thought it was "Convent Garden" and figured he'd write in a nun, and then someone pointed out it's COVENT Garden and he said, "Well, fuck that, I like it better my way."

  • Kurczak

    I will watch it for Agata Buzek (sorry Jason). She is pretty great vide Rewers (2009)

  • emmelemm

    SLW, there's absolutely nothing I *don't* love about this article. But I would like to call attention to the first paragraph, and point out that this has been my Statham thesis for many years.

    Why on earth would Statham try to "extend his range" or showcase his "comedic chops"? Statham's goal IS, and clearly SHOULD BE, to be as Statham-y as possible for as long as possible, until he truly is just too damn old to do it any more. And P.S., fuck The Expendables, they (other than Statham) really were too old for that shit.

  • Between this and 'Olympus', sometimes I think Hollywood makes movies just for me.

  • Siege

    I'll see this, but for the sake of my dignity, I'll wait until I can watch it on Netflix from the comfort of my home.

  • googergieger

    Killer Elite, you fucking turkey.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Thanks for reminding me of Owen's pornstache. I tried to forget that one.

  • NateMan

    1. The Clive Owen flick you're thinking of is Shoot 'Em Up, a quality piece of mindnumbingly stupid and yet highly entertaining chaos.

    2. I will never, ever, stop paying money to see Jason Statham kick people's tracheas out their rectums. However, if he can never again stoop so low as to add Jennifer Lopez to his co-star list I'll be a happy man.

  • Max

    Killer Elite, actually

  • googergieger

    This mofo knows what I'm talking bout!

  • Green Lantern

    "Joey Jones" with the pregnant girlfriend? Seriously?

    SERIOUSLY?

  • Wembley

    'Stathaming' is that what Beiber keeps trying to do when he takes off his shirt when he's upset or super-intense because he's all real and shit, yo?

  • Mrcreosote

    I'm just hoping he kicks people in this one. I like the movies where he kicks people.

  • Afferbeck

    Statham isn't typecast, he is stathamcast

  • VonnegutSlut

    "...why Abraham Lincoln died to defend the Alamo from the Communists after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor."

    So YOU'RE the one who has been teaching my mother's World History students before they arrived in her classroom.

    Also, that sounds like the logline from the sequel to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

  • koko temur

    statham movies are my blanky, you let him be!

  • If he (Steven Knight) directs only 63.4% as well as he writes, then this will be 21.7% better than any of Statham's best showcase efforts.

  • emmelemm

    Exactly.

  • googergieger

    Crank 2 is one of the greatest movies ever made.

  • Bert_McGurt

    For anyone who has trouble with math, that equates to 1&5.E % of base Statham.

  • Jill

    I realize that being a decent writer does not necessarily make one a decent director, but I really liked Eastern Promises. Of course, perhaps that was more for the acting and direction, but if Statham is in it and it's on cable some evening after 11:00 (see: the current unending run of The Mechanic on Showtime), I'd probably watch it.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I know...the "Eastern Promises" tag is tempting me to imagine this as a quality film. Then I see the review line Statham as a "vigilante with a heart" as if that isn't every Statham movie.

    Statham's our generation's Chuck Norris, isn't he?

  • NateMan

    Statham's our generation's Chuck Norris, isn't he?

    You shut your lying mouth!!! Chuck Norris is a pantywaist gorilla compared to the Statham. Statham projects more menace in his left pinky toe than Norris vacant stare and Neanderthal forehead could ever achieve. Dude, watching Statham stalk across a parking lot in Crank shows you exactly what the man is capable of. Norris is a twit.

    Not to mention an incredibly obnoxious, raging rightwinger that puts Nixon to shame. Which may be coloring my opinion of him somewhat.

  • ,

    Nixon? Right wing? Nixon couldn't get the GOP nominee for dogcatcher today. Soft on the ChiComs, you know.

  • Wembley

    Also, Bruce Lee tore all his chest hair off.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Also, while Statham (largely) succeeds in his roundhousin' clad in some well-chosen bespoke threads, Chuck Norris requires...ACTION JEANS! And his t-shirt appears to be giving me the finger.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Right, so, more proof our generation is better. Yay, evolution!

  • NateMan

    Okay, so that's a good point.

  • Jill

    Yep, I think you're right about the Norris comparison.

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