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What's Worse than a Video Game Movie? A Dragon Movie.

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (41)

HowToTrainYourDragon.jpg

Below is the teaser trailer for How to Train Your Dragon, which is a movie I don’t know much about. It’s not due out until 2010, though, so I have plenty of time to learn. Unfortunately, I don’t really have much interest: As soon as I heard “From the creators of Shrek and Madagascar,” my eyes sort of glazed over.

Also, dragon movies blow goats. Without exception. The only dragon that’s ever been worth a damn is Puff. And only because was magic. And by magic, I mean: He gives you the munchies.







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Comments

It's pathetic when the choices for best dragon movie are between Reign of Fire (awesome dragons, shitty plot, and dialogue, and most of the other things that weren't dragons. Except for when Christian Bale, Gerard Butler and Matthew McConaughey were all on screen together.) and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Not a dragon movie, and not even the best Harry Potter movie, but it prominently features dragons and is still better plotted and acted than Reign of Fire).

And I don't truck with cartoon dragons. OOoo! You know what'd be great? If WETA worked on a dragon movie! How kickass would that be?

Posted by: Rusty (formerly Genny) at September 15, 2009 9:20 AM

Dragonslayer didn't suck. I guess the fact that I can't find it on DVD anywhere on the planet proves that not everybody shares my opinion...;-)

Posted by: East Coast Ugly at September 15, 2009 9:21 AM

Dear studios,
Just because your movie is in 3D does not mean you should spend less time on plot or character development.
Sincerely,
io

Posted by: io at September 15, 2009 9:22 AM

I have Dragonslayer on DVD, though it doesn't have the same cover as what is currently
In Stock at Amazon.com in the US.

Dragonslayer on DVD

And no, it does not suck. I would consider it the exception to the "without exception" statement above.

Posted by: Rykker at September 15, 2009 9:27 AM

Still with the Reign of Fire hate?
You people make me sick.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 15, 2009 9:28 AM

I dig Reign of Fire.

That is all.

Posted by: Colin at September 15, 2009 9:31 AM

These are the same folks who LOOOVE that shitious "trek" movie from a couple of months back, the one brought to us by THE SAME folks who wrote Transformers 2.

Really, ZERO credibility.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 15, 2009 9:38 AM

Hello? Dragonheart? Kevin Costner as a drahonslayer? Anyone? Sean Connery as the voice of ... Draco? Was it Draco? That'd be too easy right? I mean, the movie wasn't particularly good but I must've seen it and that Jean Claude Van Dam movie THE QUEST about 100 times each when I was about 13. As if by magic those two were always on cable. And I think I rented them from Blockbuster too. Is this getting a little rambling and Skitzy? I caught a bus at 7:30 today. I'm really running on a sip of coffee and those delicious gummy vitamins.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 15, 2009 9:45 AM

If you've seen it so many times, you would know it was Dennis Quaid, not Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner movies are almost guaranteed to suck ass!

Posted by: Commander Strikeher at September 15, 2009 9:47 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfif5DiGMYc

Dungeons & Dragons (the 80s cartoon) was the BEST thing ever! I mean really, Venger aka the force of evil...could it get any more awesome?! Although I did hate that little unicorn.

Posted by: Mona at September 15, 2009 9:49 AM

That's not fair, I think the Hobbit is going to rule. Dragons are awesome, it's not their fault that Hollywood is determined to fuck them. Blame Hollywood not the Dragons. Shrek sux, but Madagascar was cute enough.

Posted by: Mebe at September 15, 2009 9:50 AM

Again with the Reign of Fire? NO NO NO NO NOT GOOD.

Don't get me started again...

Posted by: TK at September 15, 2009 9:51 AM

It's said more and more celebrities have their profiles on a great millionaire dating site____W e a l t h y S o c i a l . C O M_______ . The best club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs...You should check it out!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Posted by: Jessie at September 15, 2009 9:56 AM

Isn't this based on a kids book? My daughter is really into the How To Speak Dragonese books and I could swear that one of them is How To Train Your Dragon.

Posted by: admin at September 15, 2009 10:02 AM

Google tells me I'm right and Google would never lie.

Posted by: admin at September 15, 2009 10:03 AM

Posted by: TK at September 15, 2009 9:51 AM

QUIET YOU!


you are a HATER.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 15, 2009 10:07 AM

Really, ZERO credibility.

Coming form the guy who still gets boners from the Fast & Furious franchise. No wonder you liked Reign of Fire.

Yeah, we'll take your sense of taste anytime, buddy.

Posted by: Vermillion at September 15, 2009 10:07 AM

Yeah, we'll take your sense of taste anytime, buddy.

Posted by: Vermillion at September 15, 2009 10:07 AM


---------------------------------------

Shouldn't you be auditioning for your next reality show?

Yeah, why don't we take YOUR sense of taste?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 15, 2009 10:09 AM

Notice, Pajibans, how the JJ Abram's defense force comes out to slam on anyone who dares to speak out.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 15, 2009 10:13 AM

You know what this trailer needs? Matthew McConahoweverthefuck and his T. Rex arms, flying through the air and wielding an axe. No dragon movie is complete without that.

Posted by: stardust savant at September 15, 2009 10:15 AM

Shouldn't you be auditioning for your next reality show?

Was that supposed to be insulting? I am confused.

Yeah, I tried to get on a reality show and win some money. I am totally open and honest about it. And I was going to blog about the experience just for the hell of it. And considering said show did not involve having sex with a used-up groupie after 20 other guys did her, I don't see why I should feel embarassed.

I find it weird that whenever YOU come and defend your tastes, you are fighting for your freedom. But anyone else, they are oppressing you. Interesting.

Posted by: Vermillion at September 15, 2009 10:49 AM

Yeah, I tried to get on a reality show and win some money.

Wait, wha...?

Dear Vermillion,

Please blog about this ASAP. Enquiring minds want to know. *I* want to know.

Sincerely,
Anna von Beaverplatz.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 15, 2009 11:16 AM

I'll also throw my vote in for Dragonslayer not sucking.

It had some of the best stop motion action sequences I've ever seen. I think they even called them "go motion" because they tried to blur the movement a bit so it didn't look so stop motiony.

It was a bit strange to have Peter McNicol as the hero, but I think he was supposed to be a bit of a nerd who didn't get credit for his feats.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 15, 2009 11:18 AM

dragon movies blow goats.

Dragons in story are best when they represent fear. Most effective when evil. When they are a child's pet this is a repeat of Clifford the big red dog.

Smaug is much more interesting than Eragon. Even Albi the racist dragon is more interesting than Eragon. Up until he wasn't racist anymore.

Posted by: bradm at September 15, 2009 11:22 AM

I second the motion for Vermillion to blog about his reality show audition. I'm nosy, I won't lie.

Posted by: stardust savant at September 15, 2009 11:27 AM

AVB: A while ago, Vivi tried to get on The Beauty and The Geek, but since the producers couldn't tell their mouths from their assholes he didn't make the cut. Fuckers.

Also, here's a condensed version of how to train your dragon:

- Whenever you raise a pet, especially a dragon, sacrifices must be made. Specifically, human sacrifices to the dark Lord Kramdar, from whom your dragon gets his power.

- Teach your dragon where it is and where it isn't appropriate to breathe his hellfire. If he sets your curtains or members of your family on fire, punish him by using a spray bottle.

- Likewise for their waste. Have you ever tried washing dragon shit out of a carpet? It's impossible. Mostly because dragon turds are the size of a canoe.

- Your dragon will eat approximately 800 lbs of food per day. If possible, try and steer them towards drifters.

- Never let a dragon sleep on your bed. It allows them to assert their dominance over you, and chances are they'll probably crush you in their sleep. It's better to buy a cage, or allow them to slumber in the deepest bowels of the damned land. Both work equally well, really.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at September 15, 2009 11:31 AM

Ooooh! Dragons! Yay!
Seriously, Dragonheart was awesome. Well for e. Why? 'Cause it had a dragon. Granted not all dragon movies, or books are good. Remember Eragon? I had my hope up for that one,after all, Malkovich was in it.

Damn waste of money. Glad I didn't buy the book!

Posted by: Four Eyes at September 15, 2009 11:47 AM

One word:

Pufnstuf

Posted by: Groundloop at September 15, 2009 12:26 PM

I agree Drgonslayer was a good movie.

Hopefully The Hobbit will not suck either.

Posted by: John W at September 15, 2009 12:35 PM

Look people...it has been statistically proven aka Dragonheart brilliant..so touching....dragon slayer..Dungeons and Dragons..(btw..good movie) that cgi and animation plus plot are hard to combine...just because it is a dragon tale does NOT guarantee that is blows chunks, bits or even pieces...dungeons and dragons has some beautiful scenes! and frankly Sean Connery as the dragon in Dragonheart..brings a tear to my eye every time! You all are simply asking for too much. Name one movie that didn't include a dragon say for instance...Terminator. (Any of them)...effects and plot...you will have to admit something has to give. We are not at the point in film that they can take a story and seamlessly apply phantom creatures...even star wars was hokey at times...so chill out and enjoy them for what they are..simple tales of a Dragon or two brought to life as best that they could..40 years ago it couldn't be done! We are WAY too picky in this day and age!

Eragon...sigh..yes..sadly i was little disappointed, there are never enough dragons..but i still enjoyed it for what it was..dragons are dragons...and as long as they keep making them..i will keep watching them...

So back off Dragon movie haters!! Okay, that was harsh...just appreciate what is being created for simplicities sake.


Posted by: Carron at September 15, 2009 12:45 PM

pufnstuf

Does that count in the dragon realm?

Posted by: carrion at September 15, 2009 12:47 PM

Dragonslayer is a damn good movie.

And if some studio would just put up several hundred million and shoot the first six books of the Dragonlance series, we could have seven damn good dragon movies.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at September 15, 2009 1:19 PM

Dragonheart was an AWESOME movie. The dragon was named Draco- he asked Kevin Costner's character to name him and he did after the constellation. *To think of all the useful information there just isn't space for in my memory.

Posted by: Liz at September 15, 2009 1:44 PM

Enter the Dragon? or do metaphoric dragons not count?

i second the vote on H R Puffnstuff! he is your friend when things get rough (cough cough)

Posted by: idleprimate at September 15, 2009 2:07 PM

To be fair, The Hobbit isn't a dragon movie per se. The story is about Bilbo's adventures and there just happens to be a dragon in it.

Posted by: stardust savant at September 15, 2009 3:27 PM

BarbadoSlim, shut the fuck up about Star Trek! Get a fucking life and get over it already! Quit being such a whiny, petulant little bitch about it. and grow a fucking pair!

Sincerely,
The Society of People Sick of Listening to BarbadoSlim Complain like a Little Bitch about Star Trek

Posted by: SPSLBCLBST at September 15, 2009 6:48 PM

Dragonheart starred Dennis Quaid, not Kevin Costner. And I loved that movie.

Rusty, didn't WETA do Eragon? I could be wrong. I'm too lazy to look it up.

Posted by: figgy at September 15, 2009 7:17 PM

Y'all, let me save you the trouble. Skip the movie. Listen to David Tennant reading the original book series.

You're welcome, Internet.

Posted by: Annie UhOh at September 15, 2009 8:26 PM

It's said more and more celebrities have their profiles on a great millionaire dating site____W e a l t h y S o c i a l . C O M_______ . The best club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs...You should check it out!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Posted by: Jessie at September 15, 2009 9:35 PM

Weta has done dragons - I refer you to their great kids cartoon, Jane and the Dragon.

Posted by: snortles at September 15, 2009 10:38 PM

Also, since Peter Jackson has bought the rights to the Temeraire series, they might very well do more dragons.

Awesome, Napoleon-fighting dragons. :D

Posted by: Linda at September 16, 2009 9:04 AM


















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