'Homefront' Trailer: Statham. Franco. Which One Will Get Flogged With a Kitchen Utensil?
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'Homefront' Trailer: Statham. Franco. Which One Will Get Flogged With a Kitchen Utensil?

By Mike Roorda | Trailers | September 13, 2013 | Comments ()


Jason Statham’s movie career shot out of the gate aided by the amazing one two punch of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. He was built like a brick shithouse and could apparently school some fools with nothing more than a suit coat or rolled up magazine as a weapon. Then The Transporter rolled around and America realized that apparently they really, and I mean really liked watching Statham school some fools. Preferably shirtless and showing off that muscular and unwaxed barrel he calls a chest.

This is where our story takes a turn for the worse. Gradually, oh so gradually, Hollywood bled all of the plot out of all of Statham’s movies and increased the amount of Stathaming he does by a factor of ten. Essentially if you pare away motivations, character building, setting and any semblance of pacing you can see way more of him Stathaming the hell out of henchmen polite enough to run at him one at a time or in narrow hallways. There were the Crank films (both of them) the many Transporter sequels, the one with Ben Foster where he shoots some people in between the Stathamings that he also hands out. (That one was called The Mechanic. Aptly titled because he fixes people. With his fists.)

It’s really hard to fault the man though. He figured out early on what people wanted to see, and he’s been doing nothing but and taking our money ever since. Here’s the thing, though. I don’t really mind. His movies have become the cinematic equivalent of comfort food. Predictable and somewhat bland, but I always know what I’m getting. As someone who also secretly harbors a deep and abiding love for cheesy mid-90s action flicks, Statham’s recent body of work feels familiar and safe. Sometimes you don’t always want cheddar on your sandwich. Sometimes you want American Cheese.

This new trailer for Homefront (in addition to having nothing to do with the video game of the same name) gives me no reason to believe he’s deviating from his formula whatsoever. There looks like there might be marginally more plot involved in this one, but at the end of the day you know he’s gonna Statham the hell out of some bad guys who definitely deserve it and look vaguely peevish and disappointed while doing so.

But wait. What’s this? Was that… Was that James Goddamn Franco playing the guy who inevitably will get his face Stathamed off at some point? And also Kate Bosworth and Winona “I forgot it was in my pocket” Ryder? How many quarters do I have to feed into the side of my laptop before it prints tickets? If I could watch this right now and eat a piece of my mom’s lasagna at the same time I’m pretty sure I’d just slip into a blissful coma and die of smiling.

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