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You People Deserve To Die

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (16)

highlane-1285171047.jpg

Hey, you guys wanna see something really stupid?

Yeah, you do.

Here’s the trailer for High Lane, a movie that doesn’t have a drunk’s fucking prayer of being released into theaters. It’s about a group of pretty young people who go rock climbing in the wilderness and end up being hunted by some atavistic hillbilly freakshow (obviously). It looks awful. Bizarrely, it’s a French film, with what appears to be a French cast, filmed in the French Alps (doubling for Croatia, apparently), and yet everyone sounds generically American (in fact, I’m not 100% certain it isn’t dubbed). I am goddamn puzzled. Regardless, there’s so much wrong with it, I barely know where to start. Watch it for yourselves:

Holy panda-raping fuckbeans. Terrible acting. Ridiculous voice over. And spoken as a casual outdoorsy person… could these people be any less prepared to be in the wilderness? Did they even bring food? Helmets? A fucking pocket knife? Shit, I love cleavage as much as the next guy, but seriously girls: buy a fucking sports bra.

The greatest sin this film will likely commit is killing off the stalker and letting a couple of these morons survive.

Anyway, there it is. Your daily dose of idiotic. You’re fucking welcome.









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Comments

I think this movie was originally titled Vertige...but yeah, donkey balls retarded

Posted by: Jared at October 7, 2010 9:01 AM

It is absolutely 100% dubbed.

Posted by: Uda at October 7, 2010 9:04 AM

I think that this is a really horrible trailer for a bad English dub of a passable backwoods thriller.

Evidence? The French trailer is pretty damn badass. It also hides the whole backwoods hillbilly element. Maybe this is half of a decent film ruined by a backwoods horror hillbilly, just like Shrooms is half of a good horror film ruined by...backwoods horror hillbillies.

Posted by: Robert at October 7, 2010 9:12 AM

Panda-raping fuckbeans? That is a beautiful goddamn turn of phrase.

And I want some of those beans.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at October 7, 2010 9:32 AM

Well, to be fair, the cleavage is nice... but yea, not something you'd normally wear to go rock climbing. Is it bad that I'm rooting for the killer?

Posted by: OldRod at October 7, 2010 10:02 AM

The cleavage is probably the only good part about this movie. Let's embrace it. Closely.

Posted by: PaulterA at October 7, 2010 10:08 AM

Deliverance vs. Predator

Posted by: , at October 7, 2010 11:00 AM

That brunette is definitely hot.

The French trailer made it more about rock climber dangers. And it game me a seizure.

Posted by: steve at October 7, 2010 11:21 AM

Cliffhanger + Deliverance + 90210 = High Lane

I'm all in.

Posted by: superasente at October 7, 2010 12:29 PM

Worst. Voiceover. Ever.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at October 7, 2010 1:45 PM

I swear the piano riff about 2/3rd's through is the music from the animated version of Harold and the Purple Crayon.

Posted by: e at October 7, 2010 1:58 PM

Cliffhanger + Deliverance + 90210 = High Lane

I'm all in.

Posted by: superasente at October 7, 2010 12:29 PM
---
Yeah, that's way better than mine. Didn't take nearly enough time to think it through.

Posted by: , at October 7, 2010 5:13 PM

Was I the only one who thought the title of the movie was "High Lame" at first glance? Perhaps it was a Freudian misread.

Posted by: bleujayone at October 7, 2010 5:35 PM

Couple of good French horror movies I would recommend: "Mutants (2009)" and "High Tension (2003)". Another more surreal movie "They Came Back (2004)". Of course watch with subtitles, dubs are an abomination!

Posted by: TrickyHD at October 7, 2010 9:58 PM

Bear traps?

So, no landmines then?

Posted by: CroatianSpaceStation at October 7, 2010 10:06 PM

oh lord.

Posted by: gp at October 8, 2010 9:20 AM