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Hangover II Teaser -- Fact: Men Who Walk with a Pronounced Swagger Are Overcompensating for their Small Penises

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (18)

The-Hangover-2-image-The.jpg

It’s totally true, ladies. The pronounced swagger is the surest sign that a man has a shrively dively. John Wayne? Microscopic! The reason why his voice was so low was because he had to take testosterone injections because his weensy testes couldn’t produce enough male hormone. 100 percent fact. Dwayne Johnson? It’s like finding a needle in a pube stack. Mark Wahlberg? He actually has an innie.

The teaser trailer for Hangover 2 again emphasizes Bradley Cooper’s pronounced swagger, and he, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis take a drunken Sorkin down a street in Thailand. Otherwise, it’s like one of those novels you pick up, read all the flattering blurbs on the back cover, and only realize after you’ve purchased it that all the blurbs were referring to the author’s last book.

That pretty much sums up the Hangover 2 teaser.









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Comments

Hmmm, you sure seem to know a lot about small penises for a "movie reviewer"

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 24, 2011 2:27 PM

That explains why I walk head down, hunched over with a limp.

Posted by: Paultera at February 24, 2011 2:29 PM

Monkeys are funny.

Posted by: Fredo at February 24, 2011 2:34 PM

Not just a monkey. A monkey with a Stones vest and what appears to be acid wash jean shorts. Thank goodness Bradley Cooper is distracting it with his manscaping. And that he insists on co-stars who can only make him appear more attractive by comparison. If he is part emu, does that mean he has a penis bone?

I just hope the new film also has female characters that are either a bitch or a whore. Consistency is so important in a sequel.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien 2.0 at February 24, 2011 2:52 PM

I just hope the new film also has female characters that are either a bitch or a whore.

Well...let's see...IMDB:

Jamie Chung plays "Stu's Fiancee". His last girlfriend was the bitch, so I'm guessing she might fill that role too. OR she could just be the excuse for a SE Asia trip where they get lost.

Juliette Lewis plays "Heidi" (Luke Wilson's ex from Old School). Guessing she is a whore.

Mamie Van Doren??? I hope to God that she ain't no ho.

Beyond that is a bunch of unknown pretty faces that will play such compelling roles as "Girl #1 at IHOP" or "Flight Attendant."

And Doug's bride from the last movie isn't even in this one. So none of the female roles from "Part I" are in "Part II"?

Posted by: Fredo at February 24, 2011 3:00 PM

Am I the only person who laughed twice - and that's it - during the first movie? Like, I couldn't even crack a smile most of the time, it was so boring and un-funny. And there's a sequel? To fucking what? A series of contrived dudebro hijinks that make me hope the characters get savagely eaten by the poor tiger who had to listen to their shit?

yeahnevermind

Posted by: Rest In Peace at February 24, 2011 3:10 PM

Bradley Cooper peaked when he had sex with Michael Ian Black in a shed.

Posted by: sars at February 24, 2011 3:11 PM

I agree with Rest in Peace. I did not enjoy the first movie and do not anticipate any enjoyment in the rehash.

I do hope Zach Galifiniakis' character makes another joke about not being allowed within so many yards of a middle school. Sexual predators are a riot!

Spoiler: Don't worry ladies, Brad's character is a family man who loves his son, so now matter how reprehensible his hijinks are, it doesn't matter as long as he doesn't technically cross the line.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien 2.0 at February 24, 2011 3:18 PM

"Dwayne Johnson? It’s like finding a needle in a pube stack."

TAKE THAT BACK.

Posted by: Julie at February 24, 2011 3:22 PM

The monkey is wearing clothes. That's funny, I'm totally watching this! WHAT WILL THE MONKEY DO!?

Posted by: bradm at February 24, 2011 3:58 PM

You leave that shirt open, Bradley Cooper.

You just leave it open forever.

Posted by: Jasper at February 24, 2011 4:13 PM

shitty movies and their shittier sequels aside, it's always a treat to see Dustin project his self loathing as misandry!

Posted by: idleprimate at February 24, 2011 4:40 PM

Mmmhh...Bradley Cooper. I don't care that he's with Squinty or that so many of you seem to hate him now. He will forever be Will from Alias and therefore beautiful in my eyes!

Posted by: Phedre at February 24, 2011 4:41 PM

Yeah, this felt necessary. I'm glad they're doing this.

Posted by: chayes at February 24, 2011 6:48 PM

They need to drop Doug's ass from the Wolfpack, because clearly, he keeps getting lost in the most RANDOM places. (Wacky hijinks!)

Posted by: duckandcover at February 24, 2011 8:54 PM

Sars, I don't think Bradley Cooper walked out of that shed. Brad Cooper did. And Brad Cooper is a Douche.

Posted by: Adam at February 24, 2011 11:38 PM

I really liked the first one. I know that you guys are just too cool for that but I thought some of the dialogue was really funny.
"Oh you mean to tell me the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a stand up guy?"
I just don't know what they are going to do in this one. It seems like a bad idea because you can't replicate another lost night.

Posted by: daria at February 25, 2011 8:44 AM

Look, it's possible for someone to have a large penis and still suffer crippling feelings of sexual inadequacy, okay? OKAY???

Posted by: Robin at February 28, 2011 3:10 PM