Guys, I Found Wesley Snipes. He's Fighting Zombies In The Old West. It... It Doesn't Look Good: The <i>Gallowwalkers</i> Trailer
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Guys, I Found Wesley Snipes. He's Fighting Zombies In The Old West. It... It Doesn't Look Good: The Gallowwalkers Trailer

By TK | Trailers | February 25, 2013 | Comments ()


Oh, Wesley. You go from Major League to King Of New York to the Blade trilogy to this?

Here's a little synopsis for you folks: A cursed gunman (Snipes) whose victims come back from the dead recruits a young warrior to help in the fight against a gang of zombies.. Huh. So there's that. There's also the fact that this looks awful. And you may be asking yourself how this movie is possible since Snipes is currently, you know, in friggin' jail (for real: he's doing a three-year bit for tax evasion). Apparently this was made before his incarceration, when he was basically hiding out in foreign countries. Which is also why this is a Western filmed in Namibia. But it's apparently SO GOOD that they were saving it this whole time and are finally going to release it this year (coincidentally, the year Sniperoos is supposed to get out of the pokey).

The film is about a cursed gunman whose victims always come back to life, which forces me to ask... why does he keep killing people? Also, apparently the only way to kill them permanently is to rip off their heads. The trailer is just a three and a half-minute bucket of dumb and crazy:

Is that not enough weird, insane information for you? OK, well, it's directed by Andrew Goth, who only has two other film credits to his name: 2005's Cold and Dark, which has this tremendous synopsis:

When Detective Mortimer Shade is somehow killed in a freezer, a parasite called a grail possesses his body, revives him, but he needs blood to stay alive. His partner John Dark accepts the new situation and together they become vigilantes, judging and killing the bad guys, with Shade sucking their blood with his claw. However, Dark notes that Shade is losing the rest of his humanity and becoming a monster, being aware and afraid of the danger Shade represents to mankind and trying to stop him.

Yes, he wrote a character named "Mortimer Shade." His other project is the hilariously titled B.U.S.T.E.D., which starred drum and bass Dj Goldie and... David Bowie. I haven't the words for how bizarre that is.

Welcome to a world gone mad.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • bleujayone

    So waitasec, if he KILLS them, they come back from the dead and keep after him. So what if he just severely fucks them up? You know, cracks their spines so they can't walk, cover their bodies with third degree burns, break every bone, puts their eyes out, keelhauls them by horse, cut out their tongues, chopped of their fingers and had their kneecaps shot off. Technically, if they survive that they would have to die of something else later. Plus even if they did manage to succumb to those kind of wounds, I really don't think a blind, crippled and otherwise broken zombie is going to be able to cover much ground trying to chase after him. I mean if you die from a shot to the gut, your body is still relatively functional. If it's been beaten all to hell first, you're just a moaning pile of mush and bones. Sure it would lead to some rather noisy cemeteries (provided he hadn't already crushed their larynx when they were alive).

    Also, if this is his curse, wouldn't it be better to give up being a gunfighter and go into profession that would take advantage of this ability...say...a faith healer? Just imagine, people come to him dying of some horrible 19th Century ailment. He puts his hands on their face and says, "Praise the power of Jesus!" He then suffocates them and throws them to the ground. A moment later, they're back up and walking around. He'd have made a killing figuratively AND literally.

  • NateMan

    More importantly, if he kills them a second time, do they come back as living people, or zombies squared?

  • BlackRabbit


    And that beard-I was going to make a necrophilia joke, but I just had lunch.

  • God Of Bal-Sagoth

    I believe they're *mostly* dead.

  • MauraFoley

    More To Wong Foo, less of this, Wesley.

  • VonnegutSlut

    Yep--this looks like a gigantic poopalooza, but I just want to take this zombie-related opportunity to say: I cannot friggin' wait to get TK's take on last night's "Walking Dead" 'cause I have so, SO many thoughts about it..

  • dizzylucy

    You found him! Wait...were we looking for Wesley Snipes?

  • Fredo

    What's with those dreads??

  • Mrs. Julien

    What is with his jawline in the header photo?

  • The Kilted Yaksman

    Watch the trailer. His beard goes from black, at his skin, to white for the last 3/8 inch. In a sharp line.

  • lowercase_ryan

    shit. fest.

    what is the term for that lighting effect? Where it's blindingly bright?

  • NateMan

    Lost Proctologist? How else is he gonna find his way out?

  • Snath

    Mortimer Shade, John Dark, and their mysterious buddy, Dr. Evil McSpookyblack

  • Mrcreosote

    I've gotta say, Mortimer is the least plausible of those names. Who the hell names their kid Mortimer?

  • NateMan

    Serial killers gotta come from somewhere.

  • Kballs

    It's like a Christopher Moore book up in this bitch.

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