It’s 1984. You’re nine years old, and completely naive about the ways of the world. You see the Gremlins trailer. It’s kind of cute. Kind of has a holiday appeal to it. There’s Phoebe Cates. She’s a comely woman. Oooh, look. A cute little Mogwai. It’s adorable. But wait? What’s that? If you don’t follow three rules (No water, no food after midnight, and no bright light), the Mogwai turns mischievous ?
Awwww. A mischievous Mogwai? What’s it do, throw glasses and lick your face? How adorable. Oh sure, the trailer suggests that they become clever and dangerous, but what it doesn’t tell you is that they will scary the holy goddamn Jesus out of you!
It’s smart, really. This is back when the movie wasn’t completely given away in the trailer. It looked kind of like a kids’ horror movie. You never see a Gremlin’s face … just a brief shot of the back of their heads. So, you have no idea when you go into the theater that you’re going to leave 100 minutes later bawling, with urine-soaked pants, and traumatized for life.
Anyone know when we can expect the Gremlins remake?
Posted by: Macafee at July 10, 2009 11:31 AM
Don't feed me after midnight! HAHAHA! Whoo... Can I has a Gizmo?
High five! Yeah!
...
It's gone. All of it. Gone...
Posted by: Skitz at July 10, 2009 11:52 AM
Macafee...you shut your suck hole!
Posted by: PissBoy at July 10, 2009 11:52 AM
Skitz is boring now. Does anyone know the number to a good 'home' we could put him in?
Posted by: PissBoy at July 10, 2009 11:54 AM
Anyone know when we can expect the Gremlins remake?
Holiday 2012. Starring Zac Efron as Billy, Vanessa Hudgins as Kate, and Toby Keith as Billy's dad. I'm sure we can get Howie Mandell to reprise his role as Gizmo, and if Frank Welker can stoop to being in Revenge of the Fallen, he can come back and be the Gremlins. Stephen Spielberg and Joe Dante executive produce, and we'll hire Michael Bay to direct.
That describes my experience in every detail (minus the pants-wetting, although it was a close thing). Goddamn, was I traumatized. I lived in terror for months after seeing this film, convinced that gremlins were going to pop out of every shadow and attack. I spent hours devising creative methods of killing them based on which room of the house we happened to be in when the carnage started.
Nighttime was the worst. How to protect yourself while sleeping? I decided that as long as my legs and, most importantly, my toes were under the sheets, I was safe. My sister knew this and hid in my closet one night before I went to bed. Just as I was drifting off, I felt something seize my toes. My defense sheets had been breached by gremlins. I kicked and thrashed and just about took her head off.
To this day I still can't fall asleep unless my feet are beneath the sheets. I only started watching horror films again about two years ago. Yeah, this movie messed me up good.
My only question is: when is it OK to start feeding them? 'Cause "after midnight" pretty much covers the whole day, and I assume they need to eat sometime.
Posted by: DeadBessie at July 10, 2009 12:09 PM
Oh my god, the EE broke Skitz. This is a sad day!
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 10, 2009 12:14 PM
Skitz is boring now. Does anyone know the number to a good 'home' we could put him in?
I was -5 in 1984, but I remember watching Gremlins while I was on a European Vacation a few years ago and going from confused as to why these furbys were scary to pissing myself with fear with these things that looked like they had been forcibly removed from a polyp in satan's colon.
I'd love to see a modern version of Gremlins, but instead of basing the things that go nom in the night on 80's toys, I want modern ones. Don't feed your brats dolls after midnight or they'll give you a deadly strain of herpes! Don't feed your transformers action figures or they'll disappoint you and explode!
I was 3 in '84. Didn't see this until I taped it off French TV. Grew up with Les Gremlins and don't think I saw the English language version until my late teens.
Posted by: TSF at July 10, 2009 12:43 PM
I actually saw Gremlins 2 before I saw the original (born in 1983), but it wasn't until a couple of years ago I finally got around to seeing the original. Seeing as it is fresh in my mind, I think that trailer is way better than any of the trash we get now.
Posted by: Stupid Rookie at July 10, 2009 12:55 PM
Clearly the rule should have been to never feed Skitz the EE. Not ever. Why does no one ever tell me shit like this? Who else is on the list? BSlim? branded? Tracer? Will they have to be put in a home if they ever win? Or shot?
And here's one for the I Never list:
I have never watched Gremlins. And I have never, ever wanted to. And I never, ever will. I saw maybe 5 seconds for it and it fucking traumatized me for life.
Jesus, Dustin. I saw the words "The Gremlins Trailer" and was absolutely certain that this was a trailer for the remake that I had heard nothing about.
The taste of bile sure to remain in my throat for the rest of the day is all your fault, sir. Yours.
Posted by: sillytwoshoes at July 10, 2009 2:04 PM
I didn't mind the crazy little monsters- that was all in good fun- but the gratuitous "I've always hated the holidays ever since my father's rotting corpse got stuck in the chimney after a Christmas Eve stunt gone awry" story was deeply troubling to a bright, sensitive little six-year-old boy who didn't know the distinction between darkly comedic anecdote and heartbreaking family tragedy.
Pajiab, you are making me relive my childhood traumas one by one. What's next, boozehound's take on Pet Cemetery and a comment diversion about favorite abusive babysitter stories? Where can I forward the therapist bill?
Posted by: Yossarian at July 10, 2009 2:40 PM
Holy crap. Best trailer ever. Those pesky mischievous gremlins will EAT YOUR FACE OFF!
Posted by: Melissa at July 10, 2009 2:43 PM
PLEEEEase don't use trailer addict, their videos are skippy as shit.
Posted by: Max at July 10, 2009 2:50 PM
Damn i farking love this movie. I once dressed my lil brother as a gremlin and me and my olde brother beat him with brooms. It was HI-larious
Posted by: gilp at July 10, 2009 4:13 PM
I think there was a poster, if I'm not mistaken, of a Gremlin popping out of a toilet? Scared the bejeezus out of me when I was a kid.
And just to add to the Gremlins trailer love, the trailer for the second one (which I saw right before Ghostbusters 2) was pretty scary to my 7-year-old self. Cue scary announcer voice: "You knew the rules....You didn't listen...." Appropriately creepy.
Posted by: Amanda at July 10, 2009 5:16 PM
Gizmo is the cutest little creature from the 80's featured on film. Too bad they couldn't leave well enough alone and they had to make Gremlins 2: a film so awful the city of New York has never fully recovered...
for instance look at what happened to Giuliani after he stopped being mayor...
Stupid Rookie, I saw Gremlins 2:TNB before the original Gremlins as well, and it is one of my favorite movies in the history of ever. When I was younger I would watch it, rewind it (remember rewinding?) and watch it again. I saw Gremlins much later, and it was pretty awesome, but The New Batch was incredible.
Posted by: Barabajagalla at July 10, 2009 11:55 PM
I call bullshit. That trailer only has about 37 edits. Nobody makes a trailer without 18 bajillion edits, there have to be three per second or no one will see your mov ...
What year was this?
Oh, that 'splains it. People had attention spans back then.
Speaking of back then: Anyone here ever drive an AMC Gremlin? Mother-FUCK, that was an ugly car.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 11, 2009 12:18 AM
in the town i grew up in, there was a restaurant that actually had a gremlin––from the set––above the bar. i was too old to be scared by the time i saw it.
anyway, apparently this chubby kid in town was an extra? and his uncle owned the bar? that might have been a rumor, but either way, the thing was for real.
Posted by: George at July 11, 2009 2:32 PM
Amanda, I believe the poster to which you refer was in fact from a film called Ghoulies.
I try to avoid being a know-it-all. Ironically, I don't know how to stop.
Posted by: TSF at July 12, 2009 10:15 AM
Agree Dustin. I still have HUGE issues with saw blades because of the hardware store scene.
NO WARNING. none.
Thank you for understanding the trauma of 80's pre-teenhood. between this and the Bert and Ernie and the tomb episode from Sesame Street, I believe only you understand why I wake my husband up screaming in the middle of the night about water in the room....and sarcophogi.
Posted by: Irene of the North at July 12, 2009 8:18 PM
I still have a Gizmo doll! My BFF gave it to me as a going-away present when my family moved to Nebraska. I had been coveting it for weeks.
That picture of Gizmo is the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen.