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Dear Dustin: No. Hell No.

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (43)



Grease_Still_PK_C-5360.jpg

A couple of weeks ago, in the wake of the fucking trainwreck that was the The Client List real-time-review, our illustrious editor Dustin sent me an email that said the following:

Given how great the Lifetime RTRs are going over, how fun would it be to read a RTR from you, live, from a screening of “Grease: Sing-a-Long”?

I didn’t really know what the hell he was talking about, so I basically told him he was a sick motherfucker and laughed it off.

Now I discover that this… thing… exists:

Fuck.

That.

In the immortal words of Jason Priestly, “we got to have some law.” It would be the end of me. The death of me. God help me, my wife would probably love it (the movie, not my death).

A Grease sing a long. In a movie theater. It’s like my personal hell, come to life. A movie theater full of people who are encouraged to talk and sing?

Thanks, but no fucking thanks at all.









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Comments

You would not believe the amount of people I know that actually want to see it.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at August 2, 2010 10:38 AM

The flashy tyres and stuff during Greased Lightning could bring on a migraine.

Is it for kids? And will they keep the naughty bits in? You know, it's difficult to pass off 'The chicks'll cream' and 'pussy wagon' as something else when it's written up in giant sparkly letters on screen.

Posted by: Carrie at August 2, 2010 10:39 AM

Who the hell doesn't already know the words and sing anyway? This is for hacks. HACKS!

Posted by: Jay at August 2, 2010 10:40 AM

If this gets Figgy going I'm coming to kill you TK.

Posted by: Cindy at August 2, 2010 10:40 AM

And the sad part is I know ALL THE WORDS.

When I was 10, yes ten, I managed to talk my mother into letting me see Grease in the theatre 3 times. It was a Christmas miracle.

Carrie raises an excellent and hilarious point.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 2, 2010 10:44 AM

Carrie raises an excellent and hilarious point.

That ain't no shit.

Posted by: Jay at August 2, 2010 10:46 AM

Actually, once a year when I am home I take the little nieces and nephews to the movies for a treat and I have found the sing-alongs to be fabulous. The sprogs love it and nobody really can complain because we've all adopted the mantle of shame just by being there. We've seen Grease, Mamma Mia, Sound of Music, Wizard of Oz, all in sing-along versions.
Also in Chicago at Thanksgiving, the Music Box does one a year with live accompanied music and they encourage the audience to dress the part. White Christmas was the best of those. The funny thing is that when they started doing it, the audience was 90% gay men but now the neighborhood has changed and the audience is 90% parents with toddlers. It was a lot more fun with the gay guys.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 2, 2010 10:48 AM

Just for you I have discovered:

'Greased Lightnin’ – This song being one of the most lyrically graphic in the film had a unique way of making the on-screen lyrics remain family friendly. Words of color were replaced on-screen with animations that visually suggested the original word that would allow for kids not to understand the meaning, but adults to fully comprehend the sexual undertones.'

Someone go see it and take screen caps. What exactly are they going to 'animate'??

Posted by: Carrie at August 2, 2010 10:49 AM

Maybe just the "Women's Restroom" stick figure over and over again.

Posted by: Jay at August 2, 2010 10:54 AM

I'm lame as hell so I'd go to this and I already know all the lyrics so they don't have to bother with the singalong words.

You must go to this movie TK. I don't even have to see you there or read a RTR because I can already imagine how it would go. I just want to know it happened.

Posted by: becks at August 2, 2010 10:55 AM

THERE'S A SING ALONG WIZARD OF OZ?

JUDYGASM!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 2, 2010 11:02 AM

[I really should do some work today.]

When I was 10, I thought "the chicks will cream" meant they would put on face cream to help make themselves look pretty. All of that stuff went right over my head; my mother, on the other hand, was horrified when she got me a book about the movie and made the effort to read it.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 2, 2010 11:06 AM

You know, it's difficult to pass off 'The chicks'll cream' and 'pussy wagon' as something else when it's written up in giant sparkly letters on screen.

Watch that trailer again. At "the chicks'll cream" the sing-a-long bit clearly says "scream" instead. Probably just a typo.

Posted by: Scarlett at August 2, 2010 11:29 AM

Watch that trailer again

I'm not falling for that. You can't make me watch it again.

Posted by: Carrie at August 2, 2010 11:35 AM

Mrs. Julien:

I was 12 when I first saw Grease and had mounted a lengthy campaign with my mother to be allowed to see it. About two weeks after I went, she found out there was a scene involving a condom. She freaked and gave me all sorts of hell and screaming lectures about the evils of sex. The thing was, I had no idea what that scene was about until then.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 2, 2010 11:51 AM

Sing-along is the fourth dimension.

Can't wait for the Star Wars Quote-Along Special Edition release.

Posted by: zito at August 2, 2010 11:54 AM

PaddyDog

My mother was horrified at the immoral tone of the whole thing and that they were glorifying making bad choices. I think she may even have taken the book away.

I didn't get the condom thing either. Sandy was pretty and I liked the singing.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 2, 2010 11:55 AM

TK, since Dustin even suggested this to you, he has to move to the top of your list. It's clear he hates you.

Posted by: Melody at August 2, 2010 12:09 PM

I LOVE this movie so hard. I've been jonesin' to see it for the past couple of months but my heathen husband apparently threw my VHS copy away when we moved a year ago.

This past Thanksgiving, I had the Macys parade on in the background while I cooked. One of the performances was by some childrens group performing the song Greased Lightnin'. They did indeed change the lyric to "the chicks will scream". I don't think they even sang the verse with pussy wagon in it. I laughed so hard over that because as soon as I heard the announcer introduce the group and song choice I thought to myself "How in the hell are they going to get around those lyrics?"

Posted by: elsie at August 2, 2010 12:10 PM

Maybe if this was Grease 2, I'd be interested.

FINE, SHUN ME, I DON'T EVEN CARE.

Cooooool rider. A coo-ooo-ooo-oool rider...

Posted by: Courtney at August 2, 2010 12:33 PM

Never cared much for the movie, but was in the show in high school. Fun to put up, even if it is fairly ridiculous stuff. So I not only know all the words - I know the HARMONIES. Oh yes. And I did Rocky Horror for 3 years, so I'm all about that interactive business.

Posted by: KatSings at August 2, 2010 12:36 PM

FINE, SHUN ME, I DON'T EVEN CARE.

Well who the fuck doesn't love "Grease 2"?

Posted by: Jay at August 2, 2010 12:55 PM

tk, if you change your mind, then you can wear the "i love john travolta" necklace that i made from a machine at the ontario place amusement park in 1979.

Posted by: celery at August 2, 2010 1:13 PM

I'd LOVE to see the "suggested animation" for "You know that ain't no shit, you'll be gettin' lots of tit". Bad enough to see the word "scream" squirting.

I love Grease, and I don't even mind the idea of a Grease sing-along. I wish they still had drive-ins for movies like this. I do HOWEVER really wish that sing-along captions weren't done by Lisa Frank or whatever weirdo decided to doodle all over the original film. This is nauseating.

Posted by: Valerie at August 2, 2010 1:28 PM

It's electrifying.

Posted by: Lucas at August 2, 2010 1:33 PM

I loved Grease, I thought Grease 2 was really dumb to make a movie, even if they did have Frenchy, Dody Goodman, and Eve Arden, which was the only thing that saved it. I love Eve Arden, she was great in "Our Miss Brooks," and other things as well. (if you're wondering how old I am, I'm 22)

Posted by: LordNinja at August 2, 2010 1:54 PM

My fav line in the whole movie is when Stockard Channing gets in Jeff Conaway's car (who I can't see now without thinking of him broken and drug addicted) and makes the rest of the guys in the car get out saying "this ain't no gangbang!"

Ha!

Posted by: scorzi at August 2, 2010 1:56 PM

I saw Grease in the theater when I was 7 years old. Had the album, listened to it incessantly, and ruined the necklines of many a shirt by pulling it down around my shoulders to be like "bad" Sandy at the end. My parents must've known what they were doing though, because it wasn't until 15-20 years later when I finally realized, "They're saying *what*!!??"

Posted by: ElleJayGee at August 2, 2010 1:56 PM

@Celery

Pajiba is now my go to place for Canadiana and I am so grateful. Did you go see Raiders and Star Wars at the Cinesphere too?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 2, 2010 2:01 PM

they did have Frenchy, Dody Goodman, and Eve Arden

Yes but you're forgetting Craterface!

Posted by: Jay at August 2, 2010 2:13 PM

Jay. Grease 2 is WHAT now? Excuse me.

*runs behind shed, retches*

Sorry. Now you were saying...wait.

*crouches behind rock, retches*

OK, go ahead. Change my mind, if you--

*gags*

OK. I'm out. Convince someone else.

Posted by: esme at August 2, 2010 2:37 PM

Wha? THOSE are the words to Greased Lightning? Well cream my jeans with a air rifle, I had no idea.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 2, 2010 2:52 PM

mrs. julien, i certainly did.
i also saw "the mission" there as an "imax presentation". it wasn't, however, really imax: it was just on the imax screen, when such giant screens were still rare.

Posted by: celery at August 2, 2010 3:52 PM

Yeah, I personally advocate Grease 2 as the worst movie ever made. While I know there are certainly compelling arguments for other movies taking that title, I will defend Grease 2 as "The Worst" with my dying breath.

Put me in the crowd of "saw Grease when I was really young and all the innuendo stuff went clear over my head." But man, seeing it when I was older was like, "What? WHAT? Wait, they said what??! Fuggin' awesome."

Posted by: MM at August 2, 2010 4:24 PM

OK. I'm out. Convince someone else.

Like I can help it if you have no taste. And here I thought you were gonna be my girl for all seasons. Now if you'll excuse me, I have go prowlin'.

Posted by: Jay at August 2, 2010 6:09 PM

I love the hell out of Grease, but who the fuck would go to this? Like I don't have ENOUGH fun watching it at home and singing along (and dancing!) to it at the top of my lungs? Like Jay said, who doesn't do that already?! I don't want some attention whore in a theater making me feel embarrassed for them.

Posted by: figgy at August 2, 2010 6:49 PM

Eh. This is hardly cutting edge. Call me when they have a sing-a-long Xanadu.

Posted by: greer at August 2, 2010 7:27 PM

This film makes me want to pull a Rothko.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at August 2, 2010 8:08 PM

While Grease may not be your cup of tea, Alamo does singalongs and quotealongs all the time and they are AWESOME.
So just find something else you want to sing with. And then go to it.

Incidentally, I'm really upset that I didn't get to go to the singalong of Dr. Horrible that they had.

Posted by: MyySharona at August 2, 2010 9:47 PM

Someone go see it and take screen caps. What exactly are they going to 'animate'??

Posted by: Carrie at August 2, 2010 10:49 AM

Done. I saw this about two weeks ago. (It was awesome, I loved it and I'll take no judgment for that. And yes, I did dress up). They animate things like putting cartoon devil ears on Rizzo's head when she sings "There are worse things."

They also animate the words for each song. Like when Danny is singing that boring song after trying to feel Sandy up at the drive-in, they have a hot dog and a bun bounce on the words (it's from the cartoon on the movie screen behind him). For "Grease Lightning" (which I've never known the words to until this), they sensor it quite a bit. It's definitely "scream" instead of "cream" and they put "#$*@$#!" for "shitting." I don't remember what they did for "tit" or "pussy wagon" but they censored it somehow because I still didn't know those were the real words until this.

All in all, it was a fun experience except there was this bitch next to me who kept saying every line. Not the song lines (that's expected), the dialogue. Like what the principal announces over the loud speaker. She's lucky I didn't slap her. Plus, how big a fan could she be if she didn't even dress up?

Posted by: ban-Danna at August 2, 2010 10:55 PM

ban-Danna I salute you. I really do need to know the animation for pussy wagon though. Little kitty in a wagon?

Posted by: Carrie at August 3, 2010 4:51 AM

TK, if you snap and murder Dustin (appparently he fucked up his own suicide), it will be ruled justifiable homicide.

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