I’ve given children permanent nightmares. I have one friend, who by merely making the “Doot-doot-doota-doota” sound of a circus calliope, I can make wet his pants.
This trailer, which was presented by the lovely ladies of the Popcorn Mafia during their live anniversary show, destroyed my soul. It’s like the fucking Ring video. I can never unwatch this, and I’m pretty sure that some sort of stuffed animal is going to drag me to the Hell of A Thousand Cabbage Patch Kids (Chinese gotta lotta hells, Mr. Burton).
Things you should know before watching this trailer:
1) It is absolutely a real movie.
2) It is a current movie, and not made in the 90s like you would think.
3) It will eat your soul.
The title picture is enough, thank you. That alone is going to make it hard to get from the light switch to the bed tonight. I'm a wuss when it comes to horror movies. So, no, I won't be watching the trailer and most certainly not the movie.
Is it wrong to think that it looks like a furry John Candy?
Posted by: J Stride at June 22, 2009 10:38 AM
I'd like to see that as a mashup trailer with scary music added, edited to have the bear terrorizing the fambly...
Posted by: Bd at June 22, 2009 10:43 AM
I don't know what annals of hell you scraped this out from, good sir, but I for one do not appreciate this kind of sick furry fuckery on a Monday morning.
That being said, J Stride it totally looks like John Candy.
Posted by: ladydi at June 22, 2009 10:44 AM
No, Robbie Coltrane, Noooooooooo! He's Hagrid, he shouldn't have to do these things.
Posted by: carlcarlson at June 22, 2009 10:46 AM
Gooby is my dog's nickname, and she is infinitely cooler than whatever the fuck that thing was in the trailer.
Posted by: Kolby at June 22, 2009 10:48 AM
Good God was that horrible. Just horrible. I half expected that bear to jump out and say "Wocka! Wocka!" and my inner child on the inside would have died (and completely be reborn upon hearing that Perez Hilton was pimp slapped by Will.I.Am).
I'd rather see a film starring that depressed teddy bear from Supernatural - the one who tried blowing his 'brains' out (with the puff of stuffing where the bloody brains splash would be). Now that was fun.
Posted by: Tarn at June 22, 2009 10:51 AM
Seriously, Robbie Coltrane is way better than this, what is he doing?
You know that mewling whimpering sound you make when you're terrified beyond words and screaming and all you can do is make that noise because every other inch of you is paralyzed in fear and there isn't enough left to take a deep enough breath to scream?
That's what I made when that....thing...came around the corner.
Also, fucking seriously, that kid is about fourteen years the fuck old, what the fuck is he doing with a fucking giant teddy bear stalking him at school! He should be tryna cop a feel!
Posted by: Nadine at June 22, 2009 10:53 AM
Does this remind anyone else of the creepy dressed up bear in The Shining?
Posted by: badalamenti at June 22, 2009 11:00 AM
I first thought that was supposed to by Fozzy...
Posted by: FabMax at June 22, 2009 11:02 AM
God damn you Eugene Levy. You're such a slut.
Posted by: admin at June 22, 2009 11:03 AM
So there were approximately 20 seconds of nothing at the end of that video, and I was really hoping that someone had spliced something onto the end and something was going to jump out at me and actually scare me. Color me disappointed.
Posted by: Melissa at June 22, 2009 11:10 AM
"Gooby: Because Everyone Needs a Friend."
Wha...what the...what did I just watch? Gooby strikes me as the kind of kids movie that, were you to take off the suit, you'd have the first film for young boys endorsed by NAMBLA.
I hope you guys are happy.
And someone mentioned that Gooby looked like the bear dude from The Shining. Hell to the yes. And even back in the 80's that guy sucked. Pun intended.
Seriously... Eugene Levy must have a massive gambling problem to pay for, judging from the movies he's in. He is the biggest fucking paycheck whore ever.
This trailer retroactively ruined my childhood. Thanks!
Posted by: logar at June 22, 2009 11:15 AM
Wow, self-revelation: Eugene Levy is the original David Cross.
Think about it:
- Was a member of a popular sketch comedy show
- Managed to show he still had some comedic talent in some quality work despite
- Dropping into any two-bit film that has a halfway-decent caterer.
- Ridiculously nebbish most times
admin, I thought those same exact words while I was watching that, but then I remembered all of the other shitty movies he's willing made and remembered that I'm used to his dried up skank hag ways.
Posted by: Kayanne at June 22, 2009 11:21 AM
And here I was blaming Spider Pig for the swine flu.
Fuck me backwards with a baseball bat, that was eye-scaldingly shit-tastic. If that turd of a movie ever sneaks into my house, I will not be responsible for the subsequent mayhem and/or slaughter.
Posted by: lordhelmet at June 22, 2009 12:27 PM
The horror ... the horror ...
(Urban Sombrero version)
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 22, 2009 12:35 PM
What?! I am so disappointed.
I kept expecting the bear to whip out his bearcock and bust Eugene Levy open.
At least they didn't ruin the movie. I hear that Woody Harrelson's character from Zombieland pops out and kills that motherfuckin bear in the end. Now...consider it spoiled.
Posted by: gunnertec at June 22, 2009 12:49 PM
Fozzie Bear has not aged well.
Is this from the same people who did that Irene movie trailer?
Posted by: Cindy at June 22, 2009 12:58 PM
Thanks Optimus--I should have figured!
Posted by: Bd at June 22, 2009 1:02 PM
Dammit, I got so excited for a new (good?) horror movie and the letdown, combined with the video's actual content, was enough to ruin my whole week. Maybe even month. *sad face*
With that out of the way, what is the headline photo from?
Posted by: Kathleen at June 22, 2009 1:04 PM
The header photo is from Evil Dead II, isn't it?
Posted by: Melissa at June 22, 2009 1:10 PM
Jesus H Christ, I thought it was Teddy- motherfucking-Ruxpin, and my heart siezed up in my chest and fell into my feet and my mouth went dry and my palms got all cold and sweaty...
Teddy-Motherfucking-Ruxpin is scary as fuck. I hate that motherfucker. And I don't care if they named that thing from the trailer "Gooby", that is goddamn TEDDY-MOTHERFUCKING-RUXPIN and he just wants to eat my soul and also my face.
Posted by: Cletus at June 22, 2009 1:25 PM
You know, before Pajiba, I always considered myself pretty brave. I would click ANYTHING. I DID click on everything. But after half the things on Pajiba love and the creepy ass videos that are posted here, I've realized I'm a complete and total pussy. I can't click on this. I mean fuck, if it scared Prisco, it's gonna turn me into TK watching Drag Me to Hell. Worse.
This looks like Where the Wild Things Are for people who are too stupid to comprehend the enormity of their own existential failure.
Posted by: t at June 22, 2009 4:29 PM
How much does your imagination have to suck to come up with a pretend friend as ugly as that thing.
Kid: Hey Willy, you want to kick the soccer ball around?
Willy: Naw, I'm going to play with my imaginary friend Gooby.
Kid: That sounds cool. Are you going to travel to distant countries, go into space, explore the ocean?
Willy: No, Gooby needs help getting his 401K in order, plan for retirement. We might do some dusting and then organize the linen closet, but only if were lucky.
Kid: Wow! Gooby sucks.
Willy: Yeah... pretty much.
Posted by: J Stride at June 22, 2009 5:02 PM
I feel a sudden urge to hurt something cute
Posted by: RPTGoatboy at June 22, 2009 6:23 PM
Good horror movie title going to waste:
The Thing in the Trailer
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 22, 2009 8:40 PM
On behalf of Canada, I'm sorry.
Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at June 22, 2009 9:29 PM
So, there I was, watching the YouTube embed of the *Gooby* trailer, and as the screen faded to black several seconds before it ended, I prayed desperately, desperately, to be Rick-Rolled.
Posted by: gforcetwo at June 22, 2009 10:12 PM
WHAT THE FUCK?!
I wish I had Pennywise the Clown on speed dial. He'd take care of Gooby.
Am I the only one who thinks this movie could be a new Mac and Me? I certainly looks like something that would be made in the early 90s anyways.
Posted by: Kurdt at June 22, 2009 10:39 PM
I loathe you, Prisco!
Posted by: crunchymunchkin at June 23, 2009 4:46 AM
jesus, hagrids in the bear? at least he doesnt have to show his face like jason bateman and eugine levy.
what are yo doing levy, surely you could have been doing something better with your time in the ten years since american pie other than remaking it and making this turd.
this film looks awful enough to even kill batemans AD bounce
Posted by: iain at June 23, 2009 11:42 AM
Fuck you!
Just...
Fuck. You.
Posted by: Bane at June 23, 2009 11:44 AM
Didn't Gooby freak out William Shatner way back when in Terror @ 30,000 feet?
Posted by: Dave at June 23, 2009 12:58 PM
I worked on this movie...and was fired from this movie. It was the fall of 2008...work was scarce...they lured us to Barrie with big paychecks...little did we know Gooby could be such an awful experience...perhaps the worst 5 weeks of my life...seems that his shitty little movie is simply just karma...
Posted by: A Muse at June 30, 2009 3:41 PM
Wow, thats pretty sad man. Anyways just watched the movie tonight. Wasn't good at all.
Posted by: Terrk at July 4, 2009 9:40 PM
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That was beyond bad...beyond awful...there are no words.