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The Mother Of All Garden Gnome Movies. No, Seriously.

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (26)

garden_gnome.jpg

I mean, sure, why wouldn’t you make a movie about garden gnomes coming to life when people are away, based loosely on Romeo And Juliet.

Um.

Man, I am out of my fucking element on this one, kids.

OK, so here’s the trailer for the brutally titled Gnomeo And Juliet. It’s directed by Kelly Asbury, who previously helmed Shrek 2: The Defilement and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. It looks… kind of stupid. Also? Again with the fucking 3D. However, I’m at a loss, because the cast is some kind of goddamn wet dream. Witness:

James McAvoy
Emily Blunt
Michael Caine
The Statham
Maggie Smith
Patrick Stewart
Julie Walters
Ozzy Osbourne

OK, so having The Statham in a movie where you can’t see him elbowing people’s teeth into another zip code or taking his shirt off is a bit of a waste. And Cybernetic Osbourne Model 745d-A34 isn’t much to get excited about. But still — that’s a motherfucker of a cast.

Here’s the trailer:

OK, the bit with the fish made me giggle.

Fuck off.

(source: Slashfilm)









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Comments

Okay, I don't get the need for Romeo and Juliet link, but as someone who grew up next door to a gardenful of these creepy fuckers, I do think there's some humor to be mined here.

Also, remember when Elton John actually wrote good music? It makes me weep for what he has turned into. Isn't coming out supposed to be a liberating experience? It seems to have killed his creativity completely.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 22, 2010 11:08 AM

You now what's really good about Shakespeare? The words. Without that it's just a Toy Story knock off.

It doesn't stand a chance at being better than Tromeo & Juliet anyway.

Posted by: TSF at September 22, 2010 11:13 AM

I wonder how the two will end up offing themselves.
Hopefully in a R-rated manner.

Posted by: Rykker at September 22, 2010 11:19 AM

That is SIR Michael Caine and SIR Patrick Stewart.

...Jesus.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at September 22, 2010 11:19 AM

It's just Toy Story and Over the Hedge's clusterfuck of a butt-baby, tag teamed with a Shakespearean title and 3D-DP'ed until something finally sharted out that idiot parents will take there shoulda-swalloweds to.

I believe I shall pass.

Posted by: admin at September 22, 2010 11:26 AM

Leaving aside the obvious fact that good actors doing voicework doesn't mean a movie will be any damned good, why the hell does this need 3-D? Ooooh look mom there is GRASS FLYING AT MY FACE. And WATER DROPLETS.

No, fuck you.

Posted by: figgy at September 22, 2010 11:32 AM

Kelly Asbury, thou lumpish fool-born strumpet! Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit.

Posted by: William Shakespeare at September 22, 2010 11:34 AM

"That is SIR Michael Caine and SIR Patrick Stewart.

...Jesus."

Not if you've evolved enough to realize that the inbred tax dodger who conveys these "titles" has no legitimate authority to do so.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 22, 2010 12:20 PM

Did Elton John EVER write good music? Didn't someone else write all his songs for him?

Posted by: superasente at September 22, 2010 12:24 PM

"Okay, I don't get the need for Romeo and Juliet link, but as someone who grew up next door to a gardenful of these creepy fuckers, I do think there's some humor to be mined here."

With the exception of Travelocity, America's obsession with garden gnomes is a thing of the past.

Posted by: ASFan at September 22, 2010 12:28 PM

"Yellow Brick Road" was a great album. He wrote the music, Bernie Taupin wrote the lyrics.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 22, 2010 12:52 PM

"With the exception of Travelocity, America's obsession with garden gnomes is a thing of the past."

Radical thought, but perhaps there are people outside of America who go to movies?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 22, 2010 12:53 PM

Oh Paddy, everyone knows there is no outside of America.

Posted by: admin at September 22, 2010 12:58 PM

You're right Admin. Thank God I have you to alert the neighbors when I start to wander off and forget to take the meds. It just feels so real sometimes.

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 22, 2010 1:16 PM

i can never get a bead from trailers for kids movies, because they only highlight gags. kids movies make or break on whether they are warm without being too saccharine.

i get a kick out of the comments from people who don't feel it will live up to their adult sensibilities though. . .it's target audience is children

Posted by: idleprimate at September 22, 2010 1:38 PM

God, I thought this thing would never come out. I remember it starring with Kate Winslet and Ewan McGregor as the leads like 5 years ago. I don't care how stupid it looks. I AM GOING TO SEE THIS OMG PLZ MARRY ME JAMES

Posted by: Cadet at September 22, 2010 5:42 PM

What happens to garden gnomes who get placed in high-traffic areas where people are relatively constant? Do they go insane from having to act like a statue 24-7? Do gnomes have to eat? So would a gnome in a high-traffic area starve to death? Do they drink? Pee? How can a garden gnome fall in love if it has no genitals and thus cannot procreate, I mean WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT EVOLUTIONARILY SPEAKING!?!?!?

I have so many questions now. I need to go lie down.

Posted by: Lindsay at September 22, 2010 5:43 PM

I wonder how the Garden Gnome Liberation Front feels about this.
That's not a sentence I get to use every day.

Posted by: sheshakes at September 22, 2010 5:51 PM

I'm not sure why the GGLF even exists, shakes.
I mean, if they can come to life when no one is lookin', why don't they just run off and stay gone?
Viola. Liberated.

Posted by: Rykker at September 22, 2010 6:06 PM

@rykker,

they have gnomish responsibilities. . .we cant all be lumpenproletariat. it's a lot of work keeping yards looking cheap and trashy, that job doesn't do itself.

Posted by: idleprimate at September 22, 2010 6:50 PM

Great moments of Gnomedon in Film:

1) The gnome from Amelie, obvs
2) The one from The Full Monty
3) David the Gnome. RIP.

Posted by: figgy at September 22, 2010 9:42 PM

I remember this from 5 or 6 years back too. I think Orlando Bloom was attached at some point, which made my 15 year old self entirely too happy. Think I'll be able to skip this one now...

Posted by: Spoons at September 22, 2010 10:26 PM

This is a hoax, like "Gnome, Alaska: The Fourth Kind."

Proof:

www.pajiba.com/trade_news/is-the-fourth-kind-a-hoax.php

Posted by: , at September 23, 2010 1:17 AM

Paddy, please tell me you're a leprechaun. And that you love U2 and the Irish Rovers.

Posted by: Brenton at September 23, 2010 4:39 AM

Should I also tell you I drink to excess and eat a kilo of spuds every day?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 23, 2010 8:52 AM

Question- will this be faithfull to the play and end in a double suicide?

Posted by: futuredirect at September 25, 2010 1:17 PM