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Transformers vs. G.I. Joe

The Ultimate Trailer Suck-Off / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | February 2, 2009 | Comments (41)

Last night’s Super Bowl gave us our first glimpse at two of this year’s most/least anticipated big summer blockbusters: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. And hey! Guess what? They look fairly similar — 30 seconds of mind-numbing explosions with a few exclamations thrown in. Personally, I’m going to give the slight advantage to G.I. Joe, simply for not sucking as much as I’d expected. But, then again, it’s only 30 seconds. It’s difficult to fit a lot of suck in such a small window. Revenge of the Fallen, on the other hand, gave us no reason to believe that it wasn’t simply a remake of the first film. And where was Rainn Wilson in The Revenge of the Fallen teaser? There was an hour-long “Office” episode following the Super Bowl — they felt no need to include Wilson?

Check em’ out, if you didn’t catch them last night:

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen


G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra










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Comments

Wow, that copyright claim was quick.

I'm going to have to give Transformers the benefit of the suck because any studio that doesn't want free promotion, well.....sucks.

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2009 10:42 AM

I watched them both yesterday, and I'm going to have to say that I liked Transformers the most. You know why?

DEVASTATOR.

That's all you need to know.

Posted by: Snath at February 2, 2009 10:45 AM

Wow, Transformers way to understand the purpose of a teaser trailer. Wouldn't want that getting out to prospective fans.

I mean it's only six seconds long and shows nothing but still.

... and what the fuck? Tell me that's not Christopher Eccleston slumming in GI Joe. Will somebody please give him a script to run rampant with his awesomeness already? For fuck's sake.

Posted by: twig at February 2, 2009 10:46 AM

Yeah, if I pretend Miller doesn't exist (and the trailer itself doesn't want her to speak, it seems) and that it's Dennis Quaid vs. Christopher Eccleston Bond Villain, then it's much more interesting than the exploded machine diagrams, and Rachel Nichols' hair looks really good.

The idea that it's Cobra vs. GI Joe and that's supposed to be Destro and The Baroness keep me at a distance. What were we talking about the other day where someone said "just call it something else!"? Yeah.

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2009 10:48 AM

"From the director of The Mummy"

Was that supposed to entice or forewarn?

Posted by: Clee Shay at February 2, 2009 10:50 AM

There's another upload of Transformers that works in the little "related videos" popup.

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2009 10:53 AM

I'm giving the edge to G.I. Joe, only for Dennis Quaid looking crazy fucking hot in a uniform.

Posted by: courtney 2 at February 2, 2009 10:57 AM

You can't expect me to choose between these two.

I'm too busy trying to swab my eyes and purge my memory.

I watched all the movie trailers that aired yesterday and there wasn't a single good one. The very best of the lot was The Rock driving the children to Witch Mountain.

Looks like the terrorists won. Goodbye, America.

Posted by: Jerce at February 2, 2009 10:59 AM

DEVASTATOR.

That's all you need to know.

Who's next? Omega Supreme?

Posted by: branded at February 2, 2009 11:00 AM

I watched all the movie trailers that aired yesterday and there wasn't a single good one.

Pixar previewed Up?

Posted by: twig at February 2, 2009 11:02 AM

The Rock's in the Witch Mountain remake?

Th.....wh..........huuuuh??


Also, I liked the last Star Trek trailer better, but Karl Urban sure as shit knows how to say "Leonard McCoy".

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2009 11:02 AM

Who's next? Omega Supreme?

Dinobots.

Grimlock smash!

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2009 11:15 AM

"We don't exist. We answer to no one."

Q: How many action movies have been based on the "secret elite team" idea?

A: Too many.

I'll just keep waiting for "the Watchmen" thankyouverymuch.

Posted by: io at February 2, 2009 11:25 AM

My reactions:

G.I. Joe: (with childish glee) HOLY SHIT!

Transformers: (annoyed) Shit. I still can't determine what the fuck is going on.

G.I. Joe wins, simply because I could tell what the hell was going on, it looks more entertaining and batshit insane fun, and it's not Michael "My D.O.P. has A.D.D., so you're S.O.L." Bay.

Posted by: Mike R. at February 2, 2009 11:43 AM

They both suck equally hard. Transformers 2 still has Shia LeBouf in action star mode, giving it maximum suck points; GI Joe looks completely derivative of every action film ever made with more than two heroes, giving it maximum suck points for unoriginality.

Posted by: Robert at February 2, 2009 11:43 AM

OMG THE GIANT ROBOTS ARE FIGHTING THE GIANTER ROBOT OMFG EXPLOSIONS

/smash self in face with cooking implement

That's about the only appropriate response to the Transformers trailer. That's also probably what Ben Roethlisberger said when he saw it.

Posted by: Sean at February 2, 2009 11:52 AM

I'm just wondering: Why no shots of Cobra Commander? Come on, tease us a bit. Give us SOMETHING of a plot!

As for Transformers, I'm seriously excited as hell to miss that movie. I mean, that just looks fucking awful. Mostly because it looks like the first one. The first one was, might I say, fucking awful.

Posted by: Audiosuede at February 2, 2009 12:13 PM

I fell asleep during Transformers. Both times I tried to watch it. I do love some Eccleston, though. So I guess it's GO JOE!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at February 2, 2009 12:34 PM

So I guess it's GO JOE!

As weird as it sounds in print, the line is actually "Yo Joe!"

Posted by: branded at February 2, 2009 12:47 PM

Transformers is allowed to be cheesy and sucky, it has giant robots. Giant robots make everything better, like ninjas and pirates. As someone upthread said (ha I rhymed!) GI Joe is just a super secret elite team that fights terrorists. Three of those movies come out every single week, and most of the others have the common decency to avoid leather body suits. I mean, that's just tacky.

Giant robots, though, dude! When's the last movie with giant robots? That's right Transformers. How about before that? I can't think of one. I'll take what I can get of distilled awesomeness, even if it's only a sip when I'd rather have a whole bottle.

GIANT ROBOTS!

Posted by: stipe42 at February 2, 2009 1:04 PM

I'll totally watch G.I. Joe. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it going to panda-rape every single one of my brain cells? Most likely. Can I resist ninjas, swords, hot guys in tight black outfits, motorcycles and ridiculously over the top action sequences? No, I cannot. And that, my friends, is how Hollywood got me hooked like a two-bit crackwhore looking for the next hit. I'm not proud of this.

Posted by: Joker at February 2, 2009 1:13 PM

Blank: Blank of the Blank.

My brain can't even distinguish them anymore.

Posted by: AM at February 2, 2009 1:24 PM

I'll totally watch G.I. Joe.

You....you......GIRL WITHOUT CHILDHOOD ATTACHMENTS!

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2009 1:36 PM

Jay, that sounded very dirty...and pervy if you ask me.

Uhm...no, I was a strictly cars, toy guns, bmx bikes, tree-climbing, martial arts kid. No freakin' dolls...oh no, I mean "action figures". *eye roll*

Posted by: Joker at February 2, 2009 1:49 PM

I'd give the edge to Joe. They've got friggin Tuck Pendleton! Zero defects, baby!!

Posted by: Protoguy at February 2, 2009 1:59 PM

I'm just wondering: Why no shots of Cobra Commander? Come on, tease us a bit. Give us SOMETHING of a plot!

Be careful what you wish for, Audiosuede.

Read this article, then head to this one for the photos.

Ugh.

Posted by: Snath at February 2, 2009 2:02 PM

GIANT ROBOTS!

Maybe they're not giant robots. Maybe they're normal sized and we're very, very tiny.

So who the hell want's to see a movie about normal sized robots and Shia Ledouche?

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2009 2:03 PM

There was an hour-long...? Why the...? I NEED TO KNOW THINGS! Internet, lead on!

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at February 2, 2009 2:20 PM

... but then, by your logic, it would be a very, very tiny Ledouche. And that would be better, too, right?

All I want is someone getting flung into the sun. If the Cube is gone, there's really only the one other way to solve the problem, and it has been a long time since a movie has properly thrown something into the sun (Sunshine doesn't count, that's not flung)

Posted by: twig at February 2, 2009 2:20 PM

... but then, by your logic, it would be a very, very tiny Ledouche. And that would be better, too, right?

Any amount of Ledouchery is an affront to nature and cannot be tolerated.

I'm with you on the flung into the sun though. It's becoming a lost art.

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2009 2:40 PM

I want to see something flung into the sun, but then be badass enough to come back out. That'd show 'em.

Posted by: Snath at February 2, 2009 2:55 PM

That's Transformers 3: The Smelting.

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2009 3:06 PM

I meant "come back out intact and angry," not "as a blob of molten metal."

Posted by: Snath at February 2, 2009 3:07 PM

Now you're just being unrealistic.

Posted by: admin at February 2, 2009 3:24 PM

oh no, I mean "action figures". *eye roll*

Hey now, I envy your objectivity and then you go and both make an assumption and then insult me with it?

I say PHOOEY to you.

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2009 3:47 PM

I'm very amused by the comment: "This is going to be Street Fighter bad".

Snath, those are indeed some bad.....bad........BAD photos.

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2009 3:51 PM

That's right, Jay. That's just how I roll, I take assumptions than BAM! In your face. It's a talent.

I can't bring myself to be interested in the robots. Seriously, I love robots...and legos, but the transformers are just...meh. Unless they'll be flung into the sun.

Posted by: Joker at February 2, 2009 5:12 PM

Hey, where the hell is the 'Knowing is half the battle!' shit?

It's not GI JOE without the PSAs!

Posted by: figgy at February 2, 2009 6:35 PM

figgy...you're absolutely right.

I wanna see Dennis Quaid in uniform on YouTube pronto.

Posted by: Jay at February 2, 2009 10:02 PM

G.I Joe. Because it's not a sequal to a movie I didn't see. And it has Christopher Eccleston (though the accent is questionable...)

Posted by: rach at February 3, 2009 5:02 AM

Questionable? That's his accent.

Posted by: Jay at February 3, 2009 9:19 AM