Pajiba

Oh, Eccleston. How could you.

Why do they always go after the French in these things?

I've said this a bunch of times to several people, just not on Pajiba (I think).

I'm only going to watch this on account of motherfuckin' Joseph Gordon-Levitt being in it. He is a good enough actor, so screw it, I'll go ahead and waste an hour and some change watching this.

Anyway, people who watch these ol' television shows brought to modern cinema primarily watch them for one reason, that reason being that they grew up with the series.

Screw it. I'll give it a go.

Oh lord. This looks like utter bollocks. I don't like that kind of shit anyway, but this is clearly that sort of shit done badly, and even I can tell. Why is JG-L even in this?

Just saw the trailer...not too bad. Besides, action movies aren't really known for cutting-edge plot. I think that comes with the territory, y'know? For fucks sake, Crank and its sequel are action movies, and it deals with nothing more than a man on a warpath for people who injected him with "that Chinese shit" / stole his heart (literally) and he needs to charge his batteries in between the action.

Oh, and that's not a shot at Crank: High Voltage, just so you know. Is the plot beyond ridiculous? Of course. Still doesn't mean I'm not going to get what I want out of it, namely Statham, a damn good actor when given the right material, pummeling the shit out of bad guys and spitting hilarious one-liners. Oh, and banging Amy Smart. On a horse race track. In various positions, including, but not limited to, the human plow.

I'm definitely watching this. Why not?

Oh Eccleston, you left Doctor Who for THIS? Sob.

h and for any gamers out there tell me this trailer doesn't remind you of the xbox360 game crackdown.

My adult nature says "Merde."

My 10-year old self, though, is saying "THAT KICKS ASS!!! OMG, I WANT TO SEE MORE!"

But there's only so much stupid I let myself go see. Decisions, decisions.

I think I'd rather stay home and watch GI Joe PSA's on Youtube.

mindless, patriotic bombast. . .
you couldn't pay me NOT to see this.
the suits that enable you to flip and soar through the streets? that's how little boys play with action figures.(DUH) jumping and twisting and dodging, as if gravity wasn't a factor. the kid in me cried out in amazement.
and about the whole CE/JG-L et al casting, i'll say this- at least there is some good talent thrown into this popcorn bag, just thank the 'pus for small favors. marlon wayans can't carry this on his own.

Now you know.

I never thought it was possible, but Sommers has actually directed a movie that is beneath his meager talents. Good Lord this movie looks bad, and you know it'll be PG-13, so we won't even have shotgun enemas and stripper boobs to look forward too.

That's why Stantham's such a savior, he's kept the cheese of his 80's counterparts, but also the violence and boobs as well. We should build a granite statue of Stantham in his honor, with two naked women granite statues at his side.

All right, this is a drive in movie. Big, dumb , loud, stupid and mockable. Plus, sitting in the back of a pickup truck with a beer makes any movie more palatable.

I'm pretty sure I saw Dennis Quaid in that trailer! Lol.

Where's J-G-Levitt? He can't be apart of this?????!!

And Destro is based out of Otoh Gunga?

Aaaand more of that casting/costume that dare not speak its name.........no, I still can't do it.

Jonathan Pryce, what the fuck are you doing, man?

Genny - I, too, love The Mummy. I have a massive girl crush on Rachel Weisz because of that movie. The part when she's drunk and breathy, mainly.

I'd attach myself to The Mummy train (and the Rachel Weisz train - Wooo-hoo!).

But G.I. Joe looks like 8 levels of dumb, 10 levels of seen-it-before done better, and 20 levels of CGI crap. Like a coughing person in the age of Swine Flu, I'm avoiding it.

Genny, TK, I own all three of them. I think I win at that failure.

Ha ha ha ha ha - it took just one word from that bowl frosting to let me know just how shit-tastic this is going to be:

"Eject."

If you watched the cartoon (yes you did asshole - you ran home from school like I did so you wouldn't miss it!) you know what that means.

I've been waiting for what comes after "FAIL" - know I know... and knowing is half the blarg-blarg... blah-blah-blah.

Here's a clue Hollywood - 9 year old boys don't play with GI Joe, 30s-ish men do (or did) and we would have happily greased your palms with gobs of grosh just for a couple decent scenes of Snake Eyes and Storm-shadow (and fuck all of you fan boys who are mentally shitting on me or whatever if I didn't spell either name correctly - seriously) going toe to toe.

It is a small comfort that this movie will do so poorly that there can be only one. I would pray to a god I don't even believe in any more if I thought this time you would learn your lesson but no... you never do.

So what fresh hell awaits?

I have to admit that I did get a little excited when they showed Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow.

I still have my Storm Shadow figure stored away with the rest of my GI Joe stuff - best figure ever, and I never lost any of his weapons!

'It should be 'The french are PISSED, all of em screaming 'MERDE!!! and SACRE BLU!!!' man its CRAZY over there!! THE EIFFEL TOWER DISINTEGRATED DUDE!!!'

Not 'the french are mildly peeved but mostly they're sitting outside parisian restaurants smoking and being skinny' Yeah.'
Nadine

My thoughts exactly. I had visions of the French multitudes looking up and sighing, 'Oh crap, we just got it repainted... This is upsetting'