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There's Only So Many Ways I Can Ask for My Mommy

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (23)

daybreakers_vampire.jpg

Released just in time to be attached to the Alvin and the Chipmunks sequel (I will not say it’s name), here’s the trailer for Brendan Fraser’s Furry Vengeance, which you can watch from the comfort of your computer without having to slog your way to see Alvin. Oh, you’re so welcome, too. You’re going to love this one. It’s just what you asked Santa for.

You remember that time you sat on his lap, and you felt a weird protuberance? Yeah. That’s what watching this trailer feels like — being molested by a fat man in a Santa suit with whiskey and sausage breathe.

You can thank me later.


Here: Let’s make up, OK? AvB just sent me a link to one of our ads (the full-page takeover ad, which you hate. I know. Shut Up), which I hadn’t seen yet. And people: I know it’s an ad. And I know we’re being paid to run it. But holy Christ in a concrete bucket, it’s rad. Seriously, fucking rad.

Check this shit out.

You want your Mommy now, don’t you?









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Comments

So which one is best? Alvin and the Chipmunks or Furry Vengeance?

I pity anyone who has to sit through either.

Posted by: barf at December 23, 2009 10:39 AM

That vampire trailer was awesome! Make sure you stick to the end. The last second is hilarious. I hope the vampires will get to torture and suck the blood out of every furry animal on the other trailer.

Posted by: barf at December 23, 2009 10:43 AM

I was really hoping Furry Vengeance meant something else, but then I read that it was attached to Alvin and I was immediately disappointed.

Posted by: Snath at December 23, 2009 10:45 AM

You can't escape the furry here either.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 23, 2009 10:50 AM

I'm waiting for the cross over trailer when Brendan Frasier tries to build a mall over the vampires native soil, so they reach out through his computer monitor and tear out his jugular.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at December 23, 2009 10:51 AM

Or here...


I'm going to hell for the eyes I have burned.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 23, 2009 10:52 AM

Wow...Furry Vengeance? My mind totally went somewhere else with that. Someone really didn't think too hard about that title. I can't wait for the porn version.

Posted by: griffimx at December 23, 2009 10:53 AM

Aww, Brooke Shields? Cute little woodland creatures? I'll watch this tra.......................

OH SWEET JESOPUS!!!! My brain is leaking out my ea...rsopvnf'[pognao[sedvn ikopatiohab;glkaeurpasolkm,x

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 23, 2009 11:05 AM

MOMMY!

MOMMYMommymommymomeeeeeeeeee...

Posted by: Jerce at December 23, 2009 11:08 AM

I sincerely hope Daybreakers is not releasing in January due to it sucking. Pun intended.

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 23, 2009 11:21 AM

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKK!!!

It's probably not a good thing to be this pissed off at a trailer so close to Christmas. Skull-fucking the idiots that greenlit this would be too good for them...

Posted by: malikvlc at December 23, 2009 11:21 AM

My Santa was a progressive, beardless kind. His breath smelt of whiskey and tofurkey, not sausage.

And it wasn't rape, it was love.

Posted by: Brian at December 23, 2009 11:43 AM

I sat through that whole thing with a clenched jaw. I only unclenched long enough to gag a bit at the "aw, you were just protecting your family" line.

And I smiled at the bear tipping the porta-potty over, but ONLY because I was remembering the time my dad as a kid faked being a bear while his brother was using the outhouse (obviously a while ago and in a place where bears were a concern), just so he could watch my uncle launch himself screaming from the outhouse, pants undone and toilet paper flying.

Otherwise that trailer was so painfully unfunny that I don't know how the actors get through multiple takes of each scene. Drugs?

Posted by: DeadBessie at December 23, 2009 12:20 PM

Ken Jeong got through each take by adlibbing. Not sure how much of it made it into the movie, but there was a lot more Brendan Fraser nakedness on set than was healthy. And it wasn't George of the Jungle nakedness...let's just say that.

And the bear was too small to be scary, kind of adorable, actually! So we used a mini port-a-potty for those shots.

Posted by: Parker at December 23, 2009 1:31 PM

This trailer terrifies me. If only because Brooke Shields appears to be a better actor than Brendan Fraiser. I mean, really, he can't even do a terrfied scream right. I will have nightmares just envisioning the shape of his mouth when he screams. Great, now I have to pee.

Posted by: Peanut_Butter_And_James at December 23, 2009 1:31 PM

Sign me up for "Daybreakers," please.

(Although it needs more Woody Harrelson ...)

Posted by: , at December 23, 2009 2:09 PM

What the hell does "Vampires have taken over break" mean anyway?

Ehhhh, when's the fucking Wolf Man movie already?

Posted by: Jay at December 23, 2009 3:11 PM

I'm so glad Pissboy shares the same sense of humor as I do when it comes to furries. Furries are funny. EVERY TIME! Such a wealth of good links you are.

Posted by: katy at December 23, 2009 4:47 PM

I used to love Brendan Fraser. It's movies like this that make me wonder why.

Posted by: Chugga at December 23, 2009 6:02 PM

Really? He yelled out "Miley Cyrus"? Ya it was funny when Steve Carrell did it....like 7 years ago.

Posted by: kdm at December 23, 2009 8:58 PM

Well, to be honest, it coulda been worse. It could have had bunch of furries wreaking vengeance upon Brendan Fraser's ass, animal orgy style.

Wait, that actually sound better... Now I have to puke everything I ever ate for imagining that, but that probably woulda been far better than actually watching this trailer.

Posted by: yocean at December 25, 2009 1:44 AM

WARNING: Do not attempt to catch this trailer at the beginning of Alvin & The Chipmunks 2 (I'm so dispirited by the fact of that film's existence, I can't even bring myself to call it "Electric Boogaloo"); if you do, there is a very good chance you will inadvertently see the trailer for Tooth Fairy. If this happens, your brain will, in all likelihood, attempt to throw itself to its own demise by leaping out of any unsecured orifices on your head.

Posted by: Geena at December 25, 2009 2:35 AM

I actually saw an advance screening of this two days ago. Dear lord, I'm applying brain bleach as we speak. It was the sort of movie that doesn't succeed in any way. It wasn't a good premise that was ruined by poor execution. It didn't have a few good lines or gags. It was completely and totally devoid of any kind of entertainment. I'm still in shock as to who the hell greenlit this, and where I can find him so that I can crush him. Why did Brooke Shields agree to do this movie? Why would ANYONE agree to do this movie? Seriously, don't even rent this one night because your girlfriend left you and you think that you can have a little fun riffing on it while simultaneously gorging on Oreos. It really, truly isn't worth it.

Posted by: DoctorSubmarine at April 25, 2010 6:40 PM