Pajiba

revealed that he knew about a well-known action star at the time who had this weird fetish where he liked to lay under glass coffee tables while a woman dropped a deuce on top of them

Thanks, Rowles. I hadn't vomited today and you just helped me reach my quota!

He may make terrible movies, but I'd still let him go balls deep.

Sorry to go there so earlier in the morning, but it's Vin Diesel. He's monumentally hot.

Dustin, that's been a tool of prophecy for so long that I'm surprised that you're surprised by it.

Long ago in ancient times, there were women who had great knowledge. Knowledge of future events that had great bearings on the world. Unfortunately, these women were silenced by a great and overbearing king who thought women had no such foresight. It was then that the "Stool Readers" were born. The women, not content with their knowledge being discarded so casually, developed a way to read the way fecal matter was outputted. You see, since it's made up of what we eat, it's therefore part of the very universe that binds us. Within it, we can tell what lies ahead. It was a long forgotten art for a while because when the King found out about this, he told his army to "Knock the Shit off", which is where we get that saying from. (It's translated out of Greek.)

Now keep in mind, the glass table is a modern advent, because in the old days they just dropped it in your hands and you were on your own. But now with glass tables, we can more sanitarily read the future. This is what told Vin Diesel to make The Pacifier and Babylon A.D. This is what told Tom Cruise to convert to Scientology. This is how Joe Francis came up with the forthcoming "Girls Gone Wild: Rear Window into the Soul".

In short, I think the action star you're looking for is Nic Cage. It explains how they got the story for Knowing, because honestly I can't tell where the shit ends and the message begins.

It's a shame, Mike, that Eloquent Eloquence has already been filed this week. -- DR

Rowles, What makes you think the action star was Diesel? From what I've heard (admittedly spurious), he'd rather see a guy drop a deuce. Just sayin'.

Am I in the presence of confession envy?

HAHAHAHAHA!

Man, I miss confession... but talking about bad things I've done over drinks with my girls is pretty damn awesome, too. Laughter vs. judgment is a no brainer.

He may make terrible movies, but I'd still let him go balls deep. Sorry to go there so earlier in the morning, but it's Vin Diesel. He's monumentally hot.

My sister, while not quite as vulgar (hey, she is a preacher), seems to share the same sentiment.

Gah! But Chugga and courtney 2--how can you stand his voice? It drives me nuts! I even tried watching Pitch Black 'cause I was told it's his "the good Vin Diesel movie," but I just can't get past the dislike.

Dustin, I am curious, though...what made you assume that he was the rumoured fetishist?

Either way, I will inevatibly end up seeing this because Vin Diesel is purdy and me likey car go broom broom and smashy bang asplosion

I looked at this quickly and read the last word as "assplosion".

Given the references in the review it seemed appropriate.

Isnt that coffee table thing called a cleaveland steamer?

Isn't that when plastic wrap is placed on someone's chest and you drop on that....or isn't there one where the wrap is suspended over one's face? I'm sure they both have different names.

For once, I'm glad that video is blocked at my office.

Re: Cleveland Steamers - let's not get hung up on the definitions. Remember, it's about connections. It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits... and butthole pleasures. It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty Sanchezes. Or these Cincinnati bowties, or these pussy juice cocktails, and the shit stained balls.

Connections, people.

I thought the "titty fuck with a turd" was yet another thing. Hmmm. The wrap action seems to generally fall more under "Hot Carl", but I dare say no one's keeping a firm hand on the definitions. I think coprophilia's the one thing I'm just never gonna get. I mean, say what you will about watersports, Shibari, electric shocks and CBT...they don't necessarily smell bad.

But yes, it's not about the Alligator Fuckhouse.

Me, I've only seen "The Iron Giant and "Saving Private Ryan".

Wow.

WOW

Jay,that abrupt turn from ...unusual, shall we say, sexual practices to tear jerker movies may have done permanent and lasting damage

Admin, can you bang a drum? hard? with little or no actual rhythm to speak of just good and loud?

You too can be wicked hard core....

Nadine, I can bang anything hard with little or no actual rhythm to speak of, not necessarily good, but definately loud.

Did Diesel refuse your Craiglist add (You know: "lonely, bitter, critic for 4th tier website looking for rough trick with deep voice...") or something?

Your anti Diesel agenda borders on the pathological.

Seriously get help, hater.

I've done that in the past but intentionally, to keep people off balance...its fuuuun

I personally like Vin, i think he just keeps taking shitty roles. As Dustin said, Boiler Room and Pitch Black(which is one of my faves) are ace little flicks, and he's great in SPR.

And in Iron Man he....he breaks my damn heart *I go. You Stay. No Followin*

Snifff

Ahem.

FUCK SOULJA BOY!

Good day.

Amen, jM.

And Vin's voice makes my knees go woogley too. That being said, this is a rental. At best.

Dustin, I've heard that the action star in question is actually Sylvester Stallone(allegedly). You know, just for your information...

Ha! Fair enough, courtney 2. Carry on, then!

Oh wow, there are a few fans of his voice here...huh, maybe the problem is with my ears. I like a deep voice, but he just sounds all drunk and mumbly and Stalloney to me.

He may make terrible movies, but I'd still let him go balls deep.

Posted by: courtney 2 at January 15, 2009 9:10 AM

Ladies and gentleman, the early favorite for comment of the year.

Courtney, if I shave my head, act poorly, talk like a dipshit, be a closeted gay, wear a wife-beater in any and all weather conditions and social situations, and make stupid fucking movies can I go balls deep too?

L.O.V.E., I think the answer to that would have to be "If you look like Vin Diesel."

I like Vin's voice, too. Like the muscles better. Still not going to spend actual money to see this, but I'm glad Michelle Rodriguez found a way to pay for rehab.

I have to say Vin's voice is actually one of the things that makes me like him. That and the WoW and D&D history.

RE: "Cleveland Steamer": radio douchebags Opie & Anthony used to goof on this all the time & according to them, it was Stallone.

I used to think vin diesel was great. Why? Because he kept on destroying franchises: fast and the furious (a lame excuse to see two guys finding their friendship...it's a CHICK FLICK WITH CARS!!!) and XXX.
I thought that was great.
But now this???
wtf?

Shall we pretend the other crappy movies never happened? MAN! Tokyo drift is my Citizen Kane.