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There Is No Day Greater Than New Nic Cage Hair Day

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (20)

driveangry2.jpg

I’m not even joking. It’s the only reason I look forward to Nicolas Cage movies anymore — just to see what kind of fucked up pile of spray-painted mutant straw he’ll have atop his big melon full of batshit. It’s the reason I’ll eventually see The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Nic Cage’s ridiculous, goofy-ass hairstyles are the flame to my moth.

I have no fucking clue what I’m talking about. But I know this: Drive Angry looks painfully stupid, derivative, overdone, and cliched. Seriously, Cage’s bizarre mullet (not quite Con Air territory, but close) is the only remotely interesting thing about this trailer. Well, that and Amber Heard. Nothing was ever hurt by the presence of Ms. Heard.

Truth be told, Drive Angry actually has a pretty interesting cast, including the always-awesome David Morse, the equally-always-awesome William Fichtner, and Charlotte Ross (“NYPD Blue”). But still. It looks silly. Violent and bloody? Yes, and by all accounts it’s supposed to be quite gritty. But director Patrikc Lussier brought us Cursed, My Bloody Valentine 3D,, and Dracula 2000 before this. That’s not exactly a resume filled with promise.

Whatever. Here’s the trailer. Revel in its mullet-ness.









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Comments

"Nothing was ever hurt by the presence of Ms. Heard."

Except my self esteem.

This isn't his best hair (and by that I mean his worst hair) but it definitely brightens a boring Monday.

Posted by: becks at July 26, 2010 10:57 AM

That’s not exactly a resume filled with promise (although he also directed the under-appreciated Mimic).

I think Mimic has been appropriately appreciated. It's not very good. In fact, I found it to be quite awful. I would have to see it again to be sure, since I lost saw it in the theater.

I always get that movie confused with The Relic. Now, that movie is under-appreciated. I like The Relic.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at July 26, 2010 11:00 AM

This begs the question: Can a man unironically walk away from an explosion in a pair of sunglasses and a black coat in this post-modern society?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 26, 2010 11:05 AM

That's about 10 pounds of stoopid in a 5 pound bag.

Posted by: D-Day at July 26, 2010 11:13 AM

Sorry, I've been spoiled. There's not a trailer in the universe now that can possibly measure up to "Machete." Not now, not ever. Except, maybe, if we're really really really damn fucking lucky: "Machete II."

Posted by: , at July 26, 2010 11:17 AM

isn't Mimic by Del Toro?

Posted by: idleprimate at July 26, 2010 11:21 AM

In 3D. Because Cage's magnificent mullet demands 3D!

Posted by: admin at July 26, 2010 11:22 AM

isn't Mimic by Del Toro?...

yes. Yes it is. I don't know where that came from. I should probably stop drinking scotch with breakfast.

Posted by: TK at July 26, 2010 11:25 AM

Full moon? Hell walking the Earth? Are there supernatural shenanigans afoot? Why waste bullets if the car is already driving toward a giant hole in the ground? Why drive toward a giant hole in the ground at all? Why do I care?

Posted by: jM at July 26, 2010 11:29 AM

TK, I'm not sure that's a good enough reason. Stick with the scotch for now, and see how the rest of the day pans out.

Posted by: Brenton at July 26, 2010 11:32 AM

The only way I'll watch this movie is if someone can promise me that Nic Cage rappels down the side of a building using his own intestines, sets them on fire, and then uses the flame broiled chitlins as a new hairpiece.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 26, 2010 11:46 AM

A long time ago kids we thought this man was gonna be an AK-tor. You know like win Oscars and shit.


man were we dumb....

Posted by: logan at July 26, 2010 11:48 AM

Jm, I'm assuming it's Satanists! tm sacrificin' the babies to bring either the apocalypse or a Wal Mart. I've got answers for the giant hole though. Perhaps evil devil worshippers have poor depth perception?

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 26, 2010 11:55 AM

I am telling you, people. The next thing he's going to put on his head is going to be live snakes.

Posted by: Siege at July 26, 2010 12:09 PM

All these trailers going up to day and NOT ONE of them has been the new one for Sons of Anarchy. For shame!!!!

Posted by: PissBoy at July 26, 2010 12:15 PM

Why shoot a guy like 5 times if you already known he's going to drive his SUV into a big fucking hole?

That's just a waste of bullets is what that is.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at July 26, 2010 12:25 PM

And Cursed was directed by Wes Craven. Another shot, TK?

Posted by: Case at July 26, 2010 4:01 PM

So...is this a sequel to "Gone in 60 Seconds".

Like in order to get the baby back he has to steal 100 cars or something to that effect?

Actually, it looks and sounds more like a sequel to "Ghost Rider" all he needs to do is have his head burst into flames at the end and it would fit.

No, no wait, it's a sequel to "Raising Arizona" and the man who stole the baby was Randal "Tex" Cobb. Am I right? Cue the yodeling of "Ode to Joy".

Oooooooooooh I know, it's a sequel to "Con-Air" only this time the movie's croon-off will be be between Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood.

What do I win?

Posted by: bleujayone at July 26, 2010 6:47 PM

And Cursed was directed by Wes Craven. Another shot, TK?
Posted by: Case at July 26, 2010 4:01 PM

That's 2 fuckups, TK. Maybe you need to keep the scotch and get rid of the breakfast.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 26, 2010 9:37 PM

*hiccup*

Go fuck yourselves.

Posted by: TK at July 26, 2010 9:38 PM