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Downloading Nancy Trailer | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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My Empire of Dirt. I Will Make You Hurt.

This Movie Doesn’t Even Deserve a Crown of Sh*t / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | January 26, 2009 | Comments (35)

A trailer for Downloading Nancy, a movie in which Maria Bello gets naked (are there any other kinds of Maria Bello films?) has surfaced, which suggests that the movie — which premiered at last year’s Sundance Film Festival — has unfortunately picked up a distributor and may actually see the inside of about three theaters before, no doubt, being dumped onto the IFC Channel, where it will flourish among those who can afford IFC but can’t afford porn. It’s an absolutely terrible flick — boring, painful, offensive, and tedious. Here’s what I wrote about it in last year’s Sundance coverage, and — whether it gets released or not — this is about all you’re going to hear from us about it. It doesn’t warrant any more of a review:

Downloading Nancy was like the perfect antithesis to a commercial film — if it ever gets sold (it won’t), no more than 10 people will see it, and five will ask for their money back. The film takes the torture porn subgenre a little too literally: it’s about a woman (Maria Bello) who only feels alive (or whatever) when she’s being tortured during sex. Nancy meets her torturer (Jason Patric) on the Internet, and basically requests that he sexually torment her to death. Meanwhile, Nancy’s husband (Rufus Sewell) finds out about it because Patric tells him, because he wants Sewell to lose his temper and beat the shit out of him (he does and everybody wins!).

Like I said, it’s a fairly worthless film, and it’s awfully weird to hear the jangly whimsical indie music that have playing over the trailer, as if to suggest that Downloading Nancy is some sort of life affirming flick. That music eventually gives way to Johnny Cash’s version of “Hurt,” and though it is more appropriate, it’s still way to sunshiney than this movie deserves. Honestly, I’d rather watch Donkey Punch again than suffer through this one twice (as I recall, I believe we actually walked out of this screening midway through).

Here’s the trailer, sickos (it is NSFW):


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Comments

I cannot express my rage at having one of my all time favorite songs associated with this aborted turd baby.

Posted by: admin at January 26, 2009 6:13 PM

You lost me at "Maria Bello. Naked." Your entire argument can't compete with "Maria Bello. Naked."

Posted by: Fredo at January 26, 2009 6:13 PM

This was filmed in my city (which has a fairly porneriffic name - Regina) - I just can't express how proud I am that we managed to attract such high quality. Still, I might have to see it, as I'm still cursing the fact that I missed out on a Rufus Sewell sighting. It's got to be better than Corner Gas.

Posted by: PallasJay at January 26, 2009 6:17 PM

This has Maria Bello and Amy Brenneman, but this is not Jane Austen Book Club 2: The Pages Turn to the Electric Boogaloo (in my pants edition). I need an effin' happy place right now.

Posted by: Kayanne at January 26, 2009 6:30 PM

Went back to the Hannah Montana trailer, just as empty but no pain.

Posted by: richmac at January 26, 2009 6:38 PM

You lost me at "crown of shit." I would fail at explaining the joy of wearing a steaming pile of doot on your scalp. Your entire arguement can't compete with "crown of shit."

Posted by: PissBoy at January 26, 2009 6:40 PM

Aw, I like Corner Gas.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at January 26, 2009 6:50 PM

Dear Hair,

Why have you forsaken me?

Missing you,

Jason Patrick's Scalp

Posted by: bibliophile at January 26, 2009 7:02 PM

I have to admit, I agree with Fredo. Maria Bello is one of my girl crushes, so I will probably check this out at some point. Although, I'm not sure if I crush on her because I really like her that much, or because I usually stand a pretty good chance of getting to see her naked.

Posted by: puregonzo at January 26, 2009 7:10 PM

Posted by: figgy at January 26, 2009 7:26 PM

Sounds...morbidly fascinating, yet disturbing. However, after watching the trailer, I'd say disturbing wins out.

Shut your Regina, PallasJay (*ahem* sorry, couldn't resist). Corner Gas is a great show!

Posted by: meaux at January 26, 2009 7:30 PM

Remember when Rufus Sewell and Kate Beckinsale were awesome in Cold Comfort Farm and Jason Patric and Amy Brenneman were amazing in Your Friends and Neighbors? What happened?

Okay, actually I could see how Your Friends and Neighbors could lead to this, but it still had me laughing out loud at parts.

Posted by: Eep at January 26, 2009 7:41 PM

Here's food for thought for all of you sheep, just because the high priest of sour D. Rowles says a movie is crap it doesn't mean the movie is actually, you know, crap. The next time I take to heart what any of these movie critics have to say will be the first time. You people think Madoff was the smartest guy in the room? No, he wasn't, he was the most confident guy in the room. Only a man with issues would find a naked Maria Bello disturbing.

Posted by: Pookie at January 26, 2009 7:53 PM

Oh Amy Brenneman, why? Don't you know I love you? Can't you please find better movies to be in? Ugh.

Posted by: Fi at January 26, 2009 8:09 PM

"Based upon true events."

I'm sure the word "loosely" should be used in there at some point.

I'd rather watch The Mutant Chronicles...again. Which is also based upon true events...that happened when someone played the board & paper version, I'm sure.

Posted by: JapJay at January 26, 2009 8:31 PM

That jangly, whimsical music is the score from True Romance.

Mutha-frakkers.

I'm pretty sure Hans Zimmer wasn't thinking of gussied-up, dressed-down, indie-fied torture porn when he wrote the music.

He was ruminating on Christian Slater's growl, White Boy Day, and Patricia Arquette's smacktacular boobies.

It ain't White Boy Day is it?

Posted by: Alabamapink at January 26, 2009 8:40 PM

New Header Pics! Hurray! Hurray! New Header Pic Day! Nice work, D.

Thank Dan. 2/3 of those are his magical workings. -- DR

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 26, 2009 9:02 PM

Actually, had they just used the end, just the quick cuts with Cash's "Hurt" cover, and nothing else, that would have been a far more effective trailer.

I'm not saying I'll ever see this, but the way producers fuck up trailer production always fascinates me.

Posted by: TK at January 26, 2009 9:14 PM

@Alabamapink: are you sure that song is original to the True Romance score? I think it is an old song.

Posted by: oaklandcat at January 26, 2009 9:22 PM

Maria Bello IS my entire Five Freebies list. That's all you need to know about whether I'll be seeing this or not...even though the trailer sure does make it look like a movie that's trying way too hard to be serious and edgy.

Posted by: Che Grovera at January 26, 2009 10:03 PM

Honestly, I'd rather watch Donkey Punch again than suffer through this one twice...

Wow, I'd rather be donkey punched than watch this thing at all.

Posted by: George at January 26, 2009 10:18 PM

Guys, just spend the money to join Mr. Skin and see her naked there without having to sit through the whole movie. Or just google it after its been out for a while. I bet you can find pics for free. This is what the internet if for.

Posted by: Dave at January 26, 2009 10:24 PM

Ok, I'm not seeing the putridness. Just because things are unpleasant or exploitive, doesn't mean you can't learn about another walk of life.
It's already been made, and lord knows there will be movies more worthy of being avoided.
I know, I know- scathing, bitchy, etc. But couldn't we be more economical about what we turn our hate ray toward?

Posted by: majandra at January 26, 2009 11:39 PM

"A movie in which Maria Bello gets naked (are there any other kinds of Maria Bello films?)"

Mummy 3. Not that I saw it... I really didn't! I didn't!

Posted by: Irina at January 27, 2009 2:43 AM

Ouch. After the way we were all supposed to pretend to be physically incapable of watching the Hanna Montana trailer, I really can't watch this; mousetraps on bare feet, needing to use a giant pickaxe ... (wouldn't a single swing kill you already?).
If I were the main character I would just put up with not feeling alive. Or go hiking in the wilderness.

Posted by: ChrisD at January 27, 2009 7:15 AM

Well, I suppose that's why I said D. Kinda covered the bases on that one, huh. Ol' Rhymey still knows what he's talking about. (Ole Rhymey comes out when it's 8:30 and I'm still a little buzzed from the night before and I am about to go to class. Yes, I check Pajiba at this hour. It's logical.... somehow this information could be as vital as my email (which I may check) or the weather (which I don't). In many ways, Pajiba is how I start my days.)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 27, 2009 8:46 AM

There's no way I could watch this movie. The trailer alone makes me cringe and I feel sorry for Maria Bello and Rufus Sewell's characters.

Posted by: stardust savant at January 27, 2009 8:49 AM

Maria Bello has made enough engaging movies (think The Cooler, A History of Violence, Thank You for Smoking), and is so eminently watchable in them whether she's naked or not, that she gets a free pass from me. She has enough game that she makes almost anything she's in worth seeing (I'm looking at you, Coyote Ugly, and I'm reserving judgment on Mummy 3 until it hits TBS or some such).

Posted by: Che Grovera at January 27, 2009 9:48 AM

I don't find this surprising. In my book, 99 out of 100 times the following equation is true: indie films = shit.

Just because one occassionally crawls out of the muck and is enjoyable means the film going public has to endure indie film after film detailing how horrible (oh, and quirky) the writer/director's life has been. These are made mostly the film school students who haven't realized yet that they really have no talent. Kinda like sitting through the open read in a creative writing class. Brutal.

But back of Maria Bello.

Posted by: B-Unit at January 27, 2009 10:08 AM

Two things:

1--I could see how this movie could have potential. Not just because Rufus Sewell is my Sex Jesus, but in a that plot is disturbing but it questions things that are intriguing kinda way.

2--Before I saw any of her movies I thought Maria Bello was a dude because I kept mis-reading her name as MariO Bello. Then I saw A History of Violence and realized I was mistaken when I glimpsed her jarringly brunette bush. I have never been the same.

Posted by: Ava at January 27, 2009 10:28 AM

oaklandcat... That opening score is from Terrence Malick's "Badlands" with Sissy Spacek and Martin Sheen. I was trying to check out the origin of this song, but it goes on and on and on.

Posted by: roc at January 27, 2009 10:48 AM

The music that is played during most of this (0:35 to about 2 minute mark) is Brian Eno's oft used "An Ending (Ascent)" from Apollo: Atmospheres and Soundtracks.

Posted by: Burninator at January 27, 2009 11:44 AM

a movie in which Maria Bello gets naked (are there any other kinds of Maria Bello films?)

The question should be: SHOULD there EVER BE any other kinds of Maria Bello films?

I say NO.

But she wasn't naked in Thank You for Smoking, either.

Posted by: Vermillion at January 27, 2009 12:17 PM

Oh Rufus Sewell, will you ever win?

Seriously, someone put this man in a good movie.

Posted by: Park at January 27, 2009 1:59 PM

Spare me having to see this out of morbid curiosity when it hits IFC: what happens in the end?

Posted by: mariaaaaa at January 28, 2009 5:57 AM





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