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Dolphin Tale Trailer: Of All the Trailers We've Posted Today, This Is the Only One About a Dolphin

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (22)

DT-D027-00007rv2-f4-560x371.jpg

Morgan Freeman, Ashley Judd, Harry Connick and a dolphin.

Look, I don’t know if this would help or not. But would an apology suffice? There are four new movies out today, and that means a lot of trailers are premiering. I don’t have any choice in what trailers they are. And I’m just really sorry that this is the lot we have to choose from. Dolphin Tale? I feel so guilty. I wish I could just push a button and make it all go away. You people — you’re nice … well, no. You’re not nice. Actually, a lot of you are assholes. But you’re our assholes. And you deserve better than the trailer for Dolphin Tale.

What can I do to make it better? Did you guys see last night’s “The Daily Show”? Hilarious! Maybe that’ll make you feel better? How about htis:

Christina_Hendricks_4.jpg

It’s Christina Hendricks! And she’s wearing red gloves and kneeling over a chair! No, I don’t really get it, either. Man, I am full of fail today. How about this:

936full-taylor-kitsch.jpg

That’s kind of weird, right? Why is that woman placing her hand on Taylor Kitsch’s head? Maybe she’s trying to read his mind. I think he’s saying, “I’m trying to get this goddamn necklace off.”

I’m sorry. It’s just not working out today. Everything just keeps coming up, “You suck, Dustin!”

I’ll just get out of your hair now.









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Comments

The Christina Hendrick's item looks like a festish pick that either doesn't have the courage of its convictions OR is for someone with a somewhat non-specific fetish that they can't quite verbalize. Either way, it's just weird.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 8, 2011 11:28 AM

Y'know, context on that C Hen pic makes no difference to me. She looks SMOKIN' in it. Same with Kitsch. So both of those are made of win.

Unfortunately for Morgan Freeman, that movie is not.

Posted by: KatSings at April 8, 2011 11:30 AM

Hey Morgan! You still fucking your granddaughter?!?!

Posted by: Kballs at April 8, 2011 11:33 AM

Awww, that looks sweet. Gotta help the dolphins, maing.

Posted by: the new transported man at April 8, 2011 11:33 AM

From the people who made The Blind side and oddly enough use musician/actors for the husband role. At least there's Ashley Judd in this one.

Posted by: Matt at April 8, 2011 11:44 AM

And you deserve better than the trailer for Dolphin Tale.

Bah! They deserve far worse.

Posted by: TK at April 8, 2011 11:45 AM

I rest my case.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 8, 2011 11:53 AM

Why the fuck are you apologizing for a still of Morgan Freeman holding a picture of a dolphin?

You ruined it with those other weird pictures.

Nice work.

Posted by: Jay at April 8, 2011 11:59 AM

Kris Kristofferson sighting!

I think he’s saying, “I’m trying to get this goddamn necklace off.”

I interpret that look to be more that he wants to keep it to himself and not take it off.
So, more like "Necklace forever!"

Posted by: branded at April 8, 2011 12:05 PM

First "Melancholy", now this. Are you sure that these didn't come from last Friday (April Fool's Day)?

Posted by: Drake at April 8, 2011 12:18 PM

I ♥ Kballs' judicious and appropriate application of invective above.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 8, 2011 12:22 PM

I think I know the backstory to that Hendricks' picture.

She was washing dishes in the desert, like you do, and suddenly she realized she was dressed really inappropriately for washing dishes in the desert. Her feet were killing her in those heels. So she grabbed the nearest stable object and knelt on the ground, as her dress was far too constricting to sit and also, she wanted to be able to stand up again at some point.

See? Perfectly reasonable.

Posted by: Wednesday at April 8, 2011 12:42 PM

Is Ashley Judd contractually obligated to include Morgan Freeman in all of her films? Haven't they made like 8 movies together? And haven't all of them sucked?

Posted by: jimbob at April 8, 2011 12:45 PM

Aw damnit, I'm a sucker for a feel-good movie, so I didn't hate that trailer. Luckily for me, my Pajiban card is secured in a safety deposit box.

Posted by: tamatha at April 8, 2011 1:30 PM

Look, I'm not going to watch the Morgan Freeman trailer. I may be a crabby internet spambot with a third grade edumacation and the spelling skills of a Commodore 64, but even I know it's gonna make me wish Roland Emmerich would direct a biopic of my life (THEN HE BLOWS UP!!) So ,I'm going to write a plot synopsis of this movie using only that picture up there-

"Morgan Freeman and a brilliant little girl scientist think they've defeated Skynet by the skilled use of bowties and straw fedoras but in reality they've only forced the clever AI to create cybernetic dolphins. Holding a time travelling artifact from the cyber-dolphin takeover of the future they realize that the only way to prevent the apocalypse is lots and lots of morally questionable sushi."

Also Pastel Blue is the new Black. TYRA SAYS SO!!

Posted by: Mrreosote at April 8, 2011 2:50 PM

The only way that dolphin movie could get any sadder is if they make the tail prosthetic out of puppy bones.

Posted by: Lauren at April 8, 2011 2:58 PM

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Dolphins are evil. They're gonna regret making that prosthetic when they realize its real name was A. Dolphin Hitler.

Posted by: jM at April 8, 2011 4:34 PM

the spelling skills of a Commodore 64

Posted by: Mrreosote at April 8, 2011 2:50 PM

YOU TAKE THAT BACK! Oh wait, you mispelled your own name. Carry on.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at April 8, 2011 9:44 PM

you are all soulless assholes. otherwise it makes me a big crybaby during that trailer.

how did you all get so jaded? there's dolphins, and Freeman, and hope, and little kids and kris kristofferson, and noble losers who strive, and dolphins.

i'm not even being sarcastic. you are all coal devils. I hate you. this movie is the sort that stops people from jumpin offa bridge.

And Rowles, fuck you for the crying making reportage.

assholes.

Posted by: idleprimate at April 9, 2011 11:20 AM

you are all soulless assholes. otherwise it makes me a big crybaby during that trailer.

how did you all get so jaded? there's dolphins, and Freeman, and hope, and little kids and kris kristofferson, and noble losers who strive, and dolphins.

i'm not even being sarcastic. you are all coal devils. I hate you. this movie is the sort that stops people from jumpin offa bridge.

And Rowles, fuck you for the crying making reportage.

assholes.

Posted by: idleprimate at April 9, 2011 1:26 PM

Awhile back, I heard that during the writers' strike a number of old scripts that had been previously turned down were picked up by big name directors and actors. Could this be the fallout?

Posted by: Tits McGee at April 10, 2011 1:53 AM

"Morgan Freeman and a brilliant little girl scientist think they've defeated Skynet by the skilled use of bowties and straw fedoras but in reality they've only forced the clever AI to create cybernetic dolphins. Holding a time travelling artifact from the cyber-dolphin takeover of the future they realize that the only way to prevent the apocalypse is lots and lots of morally questionable sushi."

EE anyone? Or did that already happen while I was gone?

For EE compilers reading old threads: Eloquent Eloquence Look here!

Posted by: Ender at April 13, 2011 8:38 AM