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Tim Allen *twitch* Just Ate My Face Off

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (28)

crazy-on-the-outside-20080303083812939.jpg

I got … got the … got the *twitches*. *Twitch.* *Twitch.* Some dumb fuck in *twitch* charge of something or *twitch* another has not just allowed Tim *twitch* Allen in front of the camera, they’ve *twitch* allowed that motherfucker to *twitch* direct. *twitch**twitch**twitch* The result is *twitch* Crazy on the Outside, which is about a *twitch* guy who gets out of prison and *twitch* a pirate statue or *twitch* something winks at him and *twitch* Julie Bowen *twitch* Kelsey Grammar *twitch* *twitch* grunt grunt *twitch* *twitch* Sigourney Weaver *twitch**twitch**twitch**twitch**twitch**twitch*

Fuck. *twitch* I need to lie down.









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Comments

What are you talking about? Tim Allen only did two movies, Galaxy Quest and Redbelt. Anyone who says otherwise is a damn dirty liar.

/someone tries to say "But what about..."

DAMN DIRTY LIAR!!!!!!

Posted by: Smoking Crater (formerly Vermillion) at December 2, 2009 10:39 AM

I give Tim a lot of leeway on account of him being a car guy but, someone needs to put a bullet in him, not kill him just maybe, wound him, in his head.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 2, 2009 10:40 AM

I don't think I'll ever see this movie, but the trailer didn't look horrible and the cast is sound. There's a lot more *twitch* inducing stuff out there.

Then again, other than "Galaxy Quest" and maybe 25 minutes in total of that Fix-It Guy show he was on, I don't think I've ever seen Tim Allen in anything else, so maybe there's some underlying horror or psychological scars I am not aware of.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at December 2, 2009 10:43 AM

You think thats actually going to stop them from putting him in front of the camera? Just look at Ray Romano, I'm sure somebody shot him in the head at some point in his life, but hes still getting work.

Posted by: Iron Lung at December 2, 2009 10:45 AM

I respectfully submit Toy Story 1 and 2, Smoking.

And Big Trouble.

Posted by: linny at December 2, 2009 10:52 AM

At the very least, it's not Christmas with the Kranks 2. Always have to remain positive. It's No-Whining Wednesday!

...

*awkward silence*

...

*heavy sigh*

...

Posted by: alphawhiskey at December 2, 2009 10:57 AM

Tim should go back to slinging nose candy. He was funnier then.

Posted by: admin at December 2, 2009 11:04 AM

I'll second that. Robin Williams too.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at December 2, 2009 11:21 AM

I'm with Linney. Tim Allen has a great body of work. He's actually one of the few comedic actors that consistently delivers adult-oriented comedies. He's never put on a fat suit. He doesn't keep returning to the same children's comedy nonsense (unless you consider Toy Story, which is the balls). He doesn't do simple toilet humor or fall-down jokes. He's great.

Just because he grunted in some TV show 15 years ago doesn't not mean he should be the target of your disdain.

*grunts loudly with pride*

Posted by: superasente at December 2, 2009 11:29 AM

He's never put on a fat suit. He doesn't keep returning to the same children's comedy nonsense (unless you consider Toy Story, which is the balls). He doesn't do simple toilet humor or fall-down jokes. He's great.

He did all of those in the Santa Clause films.

But I will accept the Toy Story movies in my limited accepted Tim Allen movies.

Posted by: Smoking Crater (formerly Vermillion) at December 2, 2009 11:38 AM

Am I the only one concerned with Ray Liotta's career? Someone needs to save that man...do for him what was done for Alec Baldwin.

*sigh*

Bad plastic surgery and lingering sympathy shouldn't be the only associations I have with him. God I mean Dustin didn't even mention the poor man. He's not even being mocked anymore.

Posted by: Mona at December 2, 2009 11:44 AM

Honestly, you lost me with "Tim Allen" and "Sigourney Weaver." I was like "Boo" with the first and "FUCK YOU" with the second.

Posted by: ChristianH at December 2, 2009 11:51 AM

It's...not a Tim Allen Christmas movie? Sigourney Weaver's hair looks lovely? J.K. Simmons is in it? Obnoxious tween gets smashed against a wall for riding his skateboard indoors?

I've got nothing.

Except the tween part. That's my happy place for all future high school rehearsals.

Posted by: Robert at December 2, 2009 11:54 AM

superasente -- Perhaps you were pulling a Smoking-Crater level exorcism and mentally blocking out the Santa Clause films from existence. It's understandable, as they are a bit of an embarrassment. I do it all the time. The fourth Indiana Jones film? Doesn't exist. Never has, never will. Oh, and the shitfest that was Star Wars I, II, and III? Nuh-uh. Never happened. That was a bad dream. An undigest bit of beef, a blot of mustard. Bah, Humbug!

Posted by: linny at December 2, 2009 12:01 PM

While watching this trailer I suddenly wished it was starring Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor instead (and made 30 years ago, sigh).

Posted by: BWeaves at December 2, 2009 12:05 PM

Who goes to see these movies? I want names.

Posted by: Cindy at December 2, 2009 12:46 PM

Oh Ripley...Ellen Ripley how could you. You evil whore. I would rather have an alien lay an embrio in my chest after fucking my face, and then have that embryo burst out of my body and kill all my friends than have anything to do with this movie.

And WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with Ray Liotta?????? Two consecutive Tim Allen movies? I wonder which producer's daughter he fucked in the ass to earn this punishment.

Oh well....at least...what? What's this you say? J.K. Simmons is in it too?????? What the FUCK!

So we've got Ripley, Henry Hill, and Vern Schillinger all in the same movie....except they have been ruined. Forever pussified by Tim Allen and his rhino-grundle stink.

Fuck my life.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 2, 2009 12:49 PM

*siiiigh*

Liotta has a lifetime pass with me, but, I can pinpoint the EXACT moment when he went astray,

1995-95: Operation Dumbo Drop

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 2, 2009 12:54 PM

PS: Goofeller's gotta eat, I guess.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 2, 2009 12:55 PM

Oh Ripley...Ellen Ripley how could you. You evil whore. I would rather have an alien lay an embrio in my chest after fucking my face, and then have that embryo burst out of my body and kill all my friends than have anything to do with this movie.

So we've got Ripley, Henry Hill, and Vern Schillinger all in the same movie....except they have been ruined. Forever pussified by Tim Allen and his rhino-grundle stink.

Fuck my life.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 2, 2009 12:49 PM

Come now. Ellen Ripley survived her last go around with Tim Allen, "Galaxy Quest", quite unscathed. In fact, that movie was a hell of a lot better than either "Alien 3" or the utterly abysmal "Alien 4". She'll be fine. She's overcome worse.

Take a deep breath. Relax.

As for Ray Liotta... I am sorry. He cannot be saved. He was lost to us a long, long time ago. "Dumbo Drop", "In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale", hello?

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at December 2, 2009 1:03 PM

"Ever since I can remember I always wanted to be in shitty Tim Allen movies."

--Ray Liotta, first line from "BadMovieFellas"

Posted by: , at December 2, 2009 1:06 PM

I'm not even going to bother watching the trail when I have Galaxy Quest on a loop.
NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Nadine at December 2, 2009 3:02 PM

Tim Allen really is the poor mans Robin Williams at this point, and by poor, I mean Zimbabwe poor.

Posted by: George at December 2, 2009 3:18 PM

Tim Allen really is the poor mans Robin Williams at this point, and by poor, I mean Zimbabwe poor.

Posted by: George at December 2, 2009 3:18 PM

The sad thing is, is that Tim Allen probably has more money than the entire country of Zimbabwe, like a 10,000 times over.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at December 2, 2009 3:23 PM

I didn't realise Allen had done enough bad work to warrant this level of hatred. Did I miss something? And should I be thankful that I did?

Posted by: Daniel Hall at December 2, 2009 9:21 PM

I'm ignoring you because Galaxy Quest was one of the funniest geek movies I've ever seen. Granted, most of the rest of anything associated with Tim Allen has been utter crap (I feel qualified to render this opinion without ever having seen it, because a trailer for The Santa Claus is really all you ever need to see...).

But come on, seriously. Galaxy Quest pulled off the difficult task of being both funny and showing genuine affection for those it was poking fun at, both "on screen" and off (the fans). How they ever assembled that cast I'll never know - Rickman? Weaver? Rockwell? Get out! Fantastic fun.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at December 2, 2009 10:30 PM

I found a HOTTEST interracial club =MixedConnect--*__*--C 0 M=for black Women and white Men, or black Men and white Women, to interact with each other. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

Posted by: flaky at December 3, 2009 12:43 PM

Before you defend Tim Allen or this movie, see it. It is phenomonally bad, and he was the director. He didn't direct Toy Story or Galaxy Quest, this was his directorial debut. I'm embarassed for Sigourney Weaver, Ray Liotta, etc.

Posted by: ks1180 at January 15, 2010 1:57 PM