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Choose Your Nightmare: Which Of These Three Horror Movie Trailers Makes You Cry Blood?

By TK | Trailers | September 20, 2012 | Comments ()


Silent-Hill-Revelation-3D-Clip.jpg

We'll start with an easy one. This is the trailer for Hold Your Breath, starring Katrina Bowden who is, from what I can understand, very pretty and in some crappy TV show. The premise is a group of attractive young people in the middle of nowhere (I know, right? Totally original) who drive past a graveyard and one of them fails to hold their breath, which as we all know leads to... um... possession by someone super evil.

Yeah.

Watch:


This next one has a bit more promise. The Collection has a weird Saw meets Human Centipede meets, I dunno, Let's Get Harry or The Expendables vibe to it. Or Something. It's about a group of attractive young people (sensing a trend?) who go to one of those crazy rave-like parties that only exist in movies, and get kidnapped by a crazy gimp dude who tortures and traps people. And then there are mercenaries and guns and apparently everything is blueish... Well, in any event, it looks a little more promising than that mess above. It's directed by the guy who wrote Piranha: 3DD, so, you know, there's that.


Finally, the one I'm most curious about, the new trailer for Silent Hill: Revelation. Another tiresome 3D affair, but it seems to capture the same moody atmosphere of the first one. The first one is a classic almost-good movie. It's got gorgeous cinematography, great effects, some solid acting, and writing that varies from solid to atrocious. They've traded director Christopher Gans for Michael Bassett (Soloman Kane), and sadly, there will be no Laurie Holden. But there will be more Sean Bean since he (weirdly) didn't die in the original. I know, right? Anyway, much like 90% of the video games, it looks beautiful and creepy and has a good chance of being fucking terrible. But as with the video games, I'll be there anyway.

From what I can tell, this is almost exactly the same as the one that released a couple of months ago, so let's just call it a refresher.



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  • Gavin S.

    30 Rock crappy? Well, maybe now, but the first 5 seasons are great.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Maybe the middle one. The first one looks too terrible to even be a spoof.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I loved that hold your breath superstition as a child. I kept at it, even when driving. Let me tell you, combine a cemetery in Orange with the traffic on the Garden State Parkway...and it's lucky I didn't die.

  • Littlejon2001

    "Did you hold your breath...?" BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA! Amazing. To turn a superstition that's used on 8 yr olds into a full blown movie. Genius. This is a comedy right?

  • luckypete

    I couldn't help from laughing at that exact same moment.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    You mean that's actually a thing?

  • The post dedicated to The Collection evaporated, I see.

    Saw the first test screening earlier this year. It's very different from The Collector. It has characters and a plot. The violence is also shown this time. I'm not saying that's a benefit. I just know that, if you only know The Collector from Dustin's review, you might think the original showed the violence. It didn't. It cut around it Texas Chainsaw Massacre-style to make you think it was worse than it was. The Collection doesn't hide anything and it's surprisingly effective.

    Not that this makes the film any better, but the creators are better known for writing the last few Saw movies. So that explains the Saw vibe. As for The Human Centipede, it's more general mad scientist mayhem then ass to mouth action.

    Is it a good film? Not by any stretch of the imagination. Good for a body count horror? Let's call it serviceable for a modern body count horror. Who knows what's happened to the edit since the first test screening? It could be terrible by now and I wouldn't know for sure.

  • John G.

    So, how does this figure into the Game of Thrones universe? Eddard Stark and Jon Snow reunite in hell. Is this where he finally gets to tell him who his mother was?

  • Lindzgrl

    How is that movie going to address the fact that countless people go past countless graveyards everyday and have been doing so for almost-countless years and most of those people have not held their breath thus making it highly unlikely that this method of haunting is possible yet has not already been discovered?

    I hate myself for thinking about that trailer hard enough to come up with that thought.

  • JenVegas

    hey that guy with the glasses in the first trailer looks like my exboyfriend. clearly it isn't though. that's all i got.

  • SugarSmak

    Katrina Bowden is on 30 Rock...is that the "crappy" show you were referring to? I thought the Pajiba-verse was on board for that show - if for nothing else, the many awesome appearances by Jon Hamm ("hammeos"?)

  • gp

    EEEEEEEE!! the collection is a sequel to the collector, which fucking killed me. (i had no idea this was even gonna be a thing!)

  • Erin S

    I don't know, "Hold Your Breath" has the potential to be revolutionary.

    As the first movie to be filmed entirely in Instagram.

  • AudioSuede

    Moonrise Kingdom already beat them to the punch.

  • mswas

    Sometimes you feel like an almond-headed nurse, sometimes you don't.

  • Snath

    Dude, Silent Hill includes the Carousel! That makes me happy in my happy place, just for familiar scenery.

  • BWeaves

    So the movie's all blue to make you think you're taking viagra?

  • celery

    I realize we don't deal in video games here, only video game movies, but the fact that it's Silent Hill: Revelation reminded me of Assasin's Creed: Revelations, which in turn made me wonder what Revelation sequels there might be in other franchises and kind of want a post comparing the revelations. I guess you could potentially do the same for "redemption" and probably some other popular sequel title terms as well.

  • Snath

    Resident Evil: Revelations
    Assassin's Creed: Revelations
    Myst IV: Revelation
    Revelations: Persona
    Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation
    Dragon Quest VI: Realms of Revelation
    Integra's Words: Revelation

    That was something like a minute of Googling, so you know there HAS to be more out there too. And this was JUST video games.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Lest we forget, Katrina Bowden was also in the criminally underseen "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil".

  • Snath

    Best fake-horror movie EVER.

    Woodchipper. Enough said.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Goddamned college kids...

  • She was also in American Reunion. Coincidentally a movie that would've benefited greatly from a woodchipper.

  • Socraz6

    Wow does that director not get what made Silent Hill scary.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    God damn it! You know nothing about Silent Hill, John Snow!

    I enjoyed the first one. However I think the 3D and accompanying CGI may just screw this one up beyond redemption.

  • Snath

    Oh wait, that totally WAS Kit Harrington. I didn't even realize it was him without his scruffy non-beard.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Son, I am disappoint.

  • Snath

    I was too busy staring at the nurses.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Their faces..err..are up here, Snath!

  • mrcreosote

    Apparently somewhere in the depths of evil and depravity, in the mists of darkness and madness in the lands that man was never meant to tread, where the Old Ones slumber and the Silent Sirens scream their endless emptiness there is a nurse themed Hooters knockoff. That sounds about right.

  • Snath

    Are they really, though?

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