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Full-Length Captain America Trailer: Coming Again To Save The Motherf**king Day, Yeah

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (25)

captain-america_full-size.jpg

OK, remember that annoying “ET” clip of Captain America that I posted yesterday? Pretend that never happened. Instead, here’s the real, official full-length trailer for (sigh) Captain America: The First Avenger.

There’s some good new stuff here — Tommy Lee Jones doing the voiceover, more of the creepy mini-Chris Evans (seriously, is it me or does it look like some fucked up Evans/Dobby hybrid? ::shudder::). A couple more seconds of Howling Commandos. Sebastian Stan’s Bucky Barnes. Stanley Tucci as Abraham Erskine. Another quick shot of Weaving as the Red Skull (I like that they’re keeping him to brief glimpses). Dominic Cooper as a young Howard Stark (played by John Slattery in Iron Man 2). And a little bit of ass-kicking.

As I said yesterday, my expectations for this are pretty tempered. Honestly, I just want it to be a good time. It doesn’t have to shoot for the moon and be the NEXT GREAT SUPERHERO MOVIE. I’m cool with that.

Incidentally, did you know that Albert Pyun, who is essentially a lower-budget Uwe Boll (contemplate that on your tree of woe), is releasing a director’s cut of his 1990 version of Captain America? No, not the one where he wore a cape. This one:

Yep. It’ll have 30 minutes of additional footage. Just think of how bad that footage must be. Oh, and it’ll be released on blu-ray, so you can enjoy it in high definition awfulness.

And that, true believers, is your Captain America news for the day.









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Comments

Nobody imparts instructions or motivational speeches like Tommy Lee Jones.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at March 23, 2011 8:45 PM

Captain America! Fuck Yeah!

Posted by: John W at March 23, 2011 9:07 PM

Could be worse, I guess.

When he first stepped out of the machine thing I just yelled out "HOLY SHIT HE GREW BOOBS!" which is one way to beat armies, I guess.

Posted by: figgy at March 23, 2011 9:12 PM

that trailer for the 1990 flic looked pretty fun. how come i never saw it? oh, wait, that was maybe a rehab year. Thank god for Blu-Ray time machines!

Posted by: idleprimate at March 23, 2011 9:12 PM

The abortive new pec test made me giggle.

Posted by: Jay at March 23, 2011 9:17 PM

Dang they better make that shield awesome, everybody else gets guns they need two hands for instead. Is there a lot of shield mythos I'm not up on? I didn't spot it in Iron Man 2 until somebody pointed it out to me.

Posted by: Anne (no longer in Reno) at March 23, 2011 9:22 PM

The 1990 "Captain America" has a lot of things going for it.

The title character played by the grandson of J.D. Salinger? CHECK!

Our Hero diverting an ICBM (to which he is strapped) from Washington, DC by kicking its fins? CHECK! An act witnessed by only one child? DOUBLE CHECK! To whom Captain America somehow has time to yell a warning to? TRIPLE CHECK! And who grows up to be the President of the United States when Captain America re-emerges? QUADRUPLE CHECK!

Ned Beatty in a role that won't surprise you, except that he's in it at all? CHECK!

An incredibly stupid ending that I think involved tormenting the villain with an audio recording of his boyhood piano playing? CHECK!

And a superhero who not once but twice escapes a moving car by feigning the need to vomit? BET YOUR ASS THAT'S A CHECK!

You gotta work hard to make a movie as bad as Pyun's "Captain America." I salute his effort.

Posted by: Soulless Merchant of Fear at March 23, 2011 9:33 PM

As someone who dated a short, skinny guy for two years I actually find most of the shots of pre-serum Steve Rogers believable. But those are short trailer shots; I'll have to see the CGI in action before I can determine if it's believable or not.

Posted by: Maureen at March 23, 2011 9:44 PM

YEAH!!!

Posted by: Chickaboom at March 23, 2011 10:21 PM

I keep saying it: Captain America is going to end up being better than Thor.

Posted by: Fredo at March 24, 2011 12:28 AM

What do I think? I think it's BITCHIN'!

(sorry. had to.)

Posted by: godzilla_foil at March 24, 2011 1:03 AM

Better then the last time but still way too close to a Sy Fy original. Again how is this different then any other action hero? The only difference seems to be instead of being born a bad ass they give him super steroid to turn him into one.

Seriously instead of this bs they should have done simply a movie about Audie Murphy. An actual REAL soldier who was just as weak and small as the pre roid version but who's his life makes Captain America look like a pussy.


Oh well at least Thor still looks like an awesome and proper super hero movie so there is still hope


Posted by: Yesplease at March 24, 2011 2:12 AM

is it me or does it look like some fucked up Evans/Dobby hybrid?

It's definitely not just you.

Posted by: Uda at March 24, 2011 4:56 AM

is it me or does it look like some fucked up Evans/Dobby hybrid?

Ha ha ha, that is SUCH a good call! Spot-on.

Also: this film looks like crapballs. I don't think I was ever in much danger of seeing it, but it's good to get the final nail in the coffin.

Posted by: Caspar at March 24, 2011 7:31 AM

So, did they digitally shrink Chris Evans or did they paste his face onto D. J. Qualls?

Posted by: The Mutt at March 24, 2011 8:49 AM

I hope they explain away the fact that Captain America is dressed like a clown working a car dealership on President's Day the way they explained Batman's yellow chest emblem in "The Dark Knight Returns": as a way to draw fire from other people/more vulnerable parts of his body.

Otherwise: WHY

Posted by: Paul Southworth at March 24, 2011 9:22 AM

Because he's a gorram symbol, Southworth, that's why. Those colors don't run (in the middle of a firefight against the dreaded Nazzees)!

Also, Yesplease, did it ever occur to you that Marvel Studios might be more interested in a Captain America movie, and that, say, Fox Searchlight might be more interested in an Audie Murphy biopic? No? Carry on.

Posted by: RobP at March 24, 2011 11:21 AM

Seriously instead of this bs they should have done simply a movie about Audie Murphy. An actual REAL soldier who was just as weak and small as the pre roid version but who's his life makes Captain America look like a pussy.

Uh, there IS a movie about Audie Murphy. Audie Murphy played himself in it (seirously, go back a read the Cracked article again). If they made one now, peopel would bitch about it being a) a remake or b) retreading on a story alreayd told or c) being historically inaccurate.

So...yeah.

Well, the trailer works for me. The shield thing will need a lot of work to look convincing, but I was never short on suspension of disbelief. As long as it is clear that they put SOME fucking effort into getting it, I can't possibly hate it.

Posted by: Vermillion at March 24, 2011 11:39 AM

Uh, there IS a movie about Audie Murphy
Of course there is. I am talking about a new one. As long as you got a good director it will be better then 99% of the endless sequels ,game movies, and whatver else bs hollywood is coming up with lately

Posted by: Yesplease at March 24, 2011 12:30 PM

Of course there is. I am talking about a new one. As long as you got a good director it will be better then 99% of the endless sequels ,game movies, and whatver else bs hollywood is coming up with lately

Which is exactly why I followed that line up with the terribly typo-filled line about how people will STILL find fault in such a film.

And considering you seem to have a problem with the "endless sequels" and such, are you really saying you would rather have Hollywood attempt to make that movie again, rather than encourage people to watch the original?

And really, can you honestly name anybody who could play the role?

Posted by: Vermillion at March 24, 2011 12:36 PM

The trailer gave me goosebumps.

Vermillion: What about Elijah Wood or Haley Joel Osment? As in...who could play Audie Murphy.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at March 24, 2011 4:41 PM

Captain America shooting people? Next thing you know they'll have Batman killing his villains.

Oh....right.

Posted by: Craigilicious at March 24, 2011 5:00 PM

Steve Rogers is a soldier at war. Of course he's shooting people. If you think he never used a gun against an enemy you're cracked.

Posted by: grendel at March 24, 2011 5:26 PM

I think they should rewrite the Green Lantern movie to where Audie Murphy is granted a mysterious power ring that he must use to defend the universe against the threat posed by... Audie Murphy. Only an EVIL one.

Posted by: Craig at March 24, 2011 8:20 PM

Goddamn, I want one of those AbSizers. It can tone my body (and how!) and even give me boobs, which I've always wanted. I'll never leave myself alone...

P.S. Paul Southworth, you may want to fix your web link if you expect people to visit your site. Yeah, the link is broken.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at March 24, 2011 9:04 PM