Burning Passions Trailer

Seriously: He Ejaculates Flames, Y’all! / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | February 4, 2009 | Comments (30)

What else could I possibly add to a trailer about a man whose O-Face is accompanied by a flame-throwing pecker? How does this guy keep from singeing his short and curlies? But think of the possibilities, men! It gives an entirely new meaning to “Scorched Earth.” Can you imagine pairing this dude with the woman from Teeth? It’d be the ultimate genital-off!

The specifics: Burning Passions is a Brian Belefant indie based on his 1999 short. It’s apparently doing the rounds at the festivals. In other words, you’ll probably never get to see it. So, you’ll have to settle for with the trailer.

(H/T Film School Rejects)

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Comments

You mean someone finally made a script out of that Eddie Murphy VD joke? Took 'em long enough!

Posted by: Jay at February 4, 2009 10:49 AM

'the fuck?

Well, at least it's not a remake...

Posted by: Rykker at February 4, 2009 10:55 AM

I'm still sick - I've got nothing.

Posted by: Cindy at February 4, 2009 10:58 AM

Poor guy the only blow job he could have without killing the girl would be from the fire eating lady, and carnies are fucking disgusting .

Posted by: gilp at February 4, 2009 11:07 AM

Sounds like the male perspective version of Teeth.

Posted by: TK at February 4, 2009 11:10 AM

Meh, this is what guys who fuck a Hilton go through.

Which would be 89% of the male population in the greater Los Angeles area.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 4, 2009 11:19 AM

This is aboslutely digusting. How dare they make a joke out of masturbation, arson and murder. Two of the most heinous crimes afflicting society today.

And to top it all off, they develope a character with a condition so dibilitating, so life altering, that he would be unable to funtion as a productive member of society; then they go and make a big joke out of it. Ha fucking ha assholes.

Two little drops? That's all the writer and director could give this kid? You fucking monsters!

Posted by: admin at February 4, 2009 11:21 AM

not Hot Fuzz, but Hot Jizz?

Oooh, the porn titles are gonna be ENDLESS!!!

let it begin....

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 4, 2009 11:22 AM

Paris Hilton's vagina can be linked to syphillis, Hepatitus A, Hepatitus B, Hepatitus C, the Nazis, Osama Bin Laden, Hepatitus D, E, F, G, something called Paris Hilton's disease, and is the reason gay men come out of the closet.

"I'm sorry dad, I think I'm gay."

"What, no son of mine can be a fudge packer."

"I just don't want to wind up doing it with Paris Hilton."

"Okay son, I'll speak to you again, her vagina scares me too."

Posted by: George at February 4, 2009 11:26 AM

I was going to make a Godzilla joke, and then I saw the two little droplets of fire.

If you came fire, wouldn't the moist atmosphere of the vagina coupled with the lack of oxygen in there, just put the fire out, given it's such a small amount?

Now, if you came like Godzilla flaming Tokyo, then I'm there.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 4, 2009 11:27 AM

Wet dreams must be a bitch. I'm surprised he survived adolesence.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 4, 2009 11:29 AM

Fire and Desire?
Hearts of Fire
Hunka, hunka burnin' love?
Tears on My Pillow, Flame in My Groin?

I kind of hate myself for doing this.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 4, 2009 11:30 AM

You know what guys? This isn't funny. That disease isn't a laughing matter. It's been linked to forest fires for ages now. And it's hard to live with, you know...

Not that I would know...maybe...

Posted by: Victor at February 4, 2009 11:34 AM

Let's hope that Brett Ratner never learns of this film. Otherwise he's sure to create another X-Men movie that revolves around the newest mutant, Fireballs.

Posted by: branded at February 4, 2009 11:35 AM

Backdoordraft.

Peter North In: Paris is Burning (No Literally)

Posted by: admin at February 4, 2009 11:42 AM

I'm so proud of my town's festival for proclaiming this winner.

Posted by: Eep at February 4, 2009 11:55 AM

Couldn't he have come up with some kind of flame retardant condom? Did all those prostitutes need to die? And then he becomes a priest? Someone is so going to hell for that one.

Posted by: Popsi_zen at February 4, 2009 11:59 AM

What about the suicidal nun clamoring for a turn at the end? That's all kinds of wrong.

Props to whoever pointed out that at least it's original. Plus, there wouldn't appear to be any chance of a sequel...

Posted by: Che Grovera at February 4, 2009 12:03 PM

Oh man, the fiery deaths of 134 women played for laughs! That sounds HILARIOUS!

Hmrf. Must have my humorless-feminist hat on today. This looks like ass. Hot ass.

Posted by: Lizzie (greeneyed fem) at February 4, 2009 12:06 PM

I'm not saying that my junk is like molten lava, but I had this chick tell me once that my load was hotter than anything she's ever experienced before. I asked my brother's friend who was a doctor before he lost his license if what that chick I was knocking off said was true. And he said most definitely, some people can actually produce heat due to some sort of chemical reaction. He got all in depth but I just tuned out and wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying.

Posted by: Pookie at February 4, 2009 12:45 PM

Yawn... penis fire has been done, hasn't it?

Taxidermia: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0410730

Posted by: Cratchit at February 4, 2009 12:48 PM

This reminds me of the kryptonite condom monologue.

Posted by: Lucas at February 4, 2009 1:03 PM

The only thing that would make this movie better would be, well, almost anything. Looks kinda retarded.

Wait, what if the kid with flamming jizz was actually gay, black and retarded?

Nope, then it would just be sexist, racist and still retarded.

Oh well, it was worth a try.

Posted by: Xtreme at February 4, 2009 1:07 PM

"I'm not saying that my junk is like molten lava, but I had this chick tell me once that my load was hotter than anything she's ever experienced."

I heard they put jalapenos in EVERYTHING in Texas.

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 4, 2009 1:10 PM

Oh, and the title sucks, too. "Burning Passions"? How about "Jalapenis"?

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 4, 2009 1:15 PM

...

Posted by: figgy at February 4, 2009 1:34 PM

Rowle'd again!!

Posted by: MissNev at February 4, 2009 2:51 PM

Sweet... that guy's office is right across the hall from me.

Posted by: Brandon at February 4, 2009 3:35 PM

Considering how this movie doesn't take itself seriously at all and how it mocks the bland monotony of the romance films, it is my duty as an emotionally jaded movie goer to watch and enjoy every moment of this film.

Posted by: RonnyK at February 4, 2009 7:44 PM

Oh man, the fiery deaths of 134 women played for laughs! That sounds HILARIOUS!

Just wait for the sequel Hungry Desires loosely based on mass killer Robert Pickton who is estimated to have murdered almost 50 women and fed them to his pigs! OMG KILLING PROSTITUTES IS SO FUNNY AND EDGY AND CLEVER!!!ELEVENTY!!

Posted by: Floyd at February 4, 2009 8:47 PM

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