Bright Star Trailer

Let the Oscar Grubbing Begin!

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (27)

How do you guarantee yourself an Oscar nomination? It’s a very simple formula that the movie Bright Star is following to a tee. Hire a director with a previous Oscar nomination. Check. Jane Campion (The Piano). Based it on a true story, preferably about someone famous. Bonus if it’s a poet. Check. It’s about the love affair between John Keats (Ben Whishaw) and Fanny Brawne (Abbie Cornish). Have someone die in the end. Check. The affair was cut short because of Keats’ untimely death. Set the movie in the 19th Century. Ensure that everyone wears frilly things and that they speak in English accents (bonus points if the actors are actually British). Check. Check. And check.

But most importantly, ensure that the subject material and the trailer is so unbelievably dull that no one will actually watch the movie. The Academy will simply nominate the film based on the above factors without ever actually seeing it. Because why would you watch a period drama about dead English dudes in frills around the same time that Sherlock Holmes opens?

Oh, but wait! There’s no one in this movie with the name of Hugh. Automatic disqualification! Thanks for playing. Please try again.

Here’s the trailer for Bright Star. Sure, it looks great. If you can stay awake.

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Comments

I lurve me some Ben Whishaw. What's a legend?

Posted by: jasper at July 22, 2009 10:52 AM

Oh, but wait! There’s no one in this movie with the name of Hugh. Automatic disqualification!
Mmmm... Hugh Laurie........BUNK!

Posted by: Patty O'Green at July 22, 2009 10:57 AM

After these two made love -- because they'd never do anything so base as have sex or, God forbid, fuck -- their pillow talk would be things like, "Thank you, Mr. Keats" or "That was enjoyable." On really enthusiastic nights someone would say, "Goodness. That was rather spirited." Then one would go get a glass of tepid milk, while the other started paying bills.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 22, 2009 10:59 AM

High class British porn!

Posted by: Snath at July 22, 2009 11:05 AM

Tracer, that makes me think back to Jon Lovitz's "Tales of Ribaldry" sketches on SNL so long ago.

"This won't do!"

Those always gave me a chuckle.

Posted by: Sean at July 22, 2009 11:07 AM

I'll probably see it, if only for the costumes. Once it comes out on DVD, we'll have it on rotation in the costume shop at school with all of the other period pieces (and the complete series of Buffy, but that's beside the point).

Posted by: That Girl at July 22, 2009 11:10 AM

Mock all you want, but between this and The Hurt Locker, methinks the chances that woman might get a best director oscar this year are pretty good. And that makes me happy, even if one of the movies sucks 19th century British balls.

Posted by: Marra at July 22, 2009 11:31 AM

Holy crap... Completely off topic from the post (apologies) - I scroll down to read the comments for this one and my ex-girlfriend (from a really bad break up) is staring back at me from the advertisement for EVONY. I just got the cold sweats. Thanks Pajiba advertisers... between this and the graphic Pamela Anderson PETA ad that's returned, I don't think I'll be able to visit the site again until the next ad group cycles through. Any word on when that may be?

Posted by: ernesto at July 22, 2009 11:36 AM

*slowly picks self off floor*

*disoriented*

Wha...huh...I started watching that trailer and...

*splat*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 22, 2009 11:50 AM

That hepatitis riddled ad is for PETA?!? I've refused to click anywhere near it. Also, you dated an 18th century Elven chick? Did you pick her up in Alfheim?

Posted by: J Stride at July 22, 2009 11:58 AM

An 18th century Elven chick that was stripping behind my back. So be warned - there's likely hepatitis to be found around her ad as well.

I didn't pick her up in Alfheim, but she was a fan of Ren Fairs in high school. Does that count?

Posted by: ernesto at July 22, 2009 12:08 PM

I actually like this trailer and will probably memorize the quote section of its IMDB page.

Posted by: Sofía at July 22, 2009 12:20 PM

ernasto

An 18th century Elven chick that was stripping behind my back. So be warned - there's likely hepatitis to be found around her ad as well.

I didn't pick her up in Alfheim, but she was a fan of Ren Fairs in high school. Does that count?

Shouldn't you be posting this in the WOW thread?

Posted by: cockroach at July 22, 2009 12:33 PM

Ahhh, the kind of stuff that unfortunately doesn't just happen on Maury.

Interestingly enough, old Norse mythology thought that elves were one cause of venerial disease.

Despite the constant fake boob bombardment from the 'Peta' ad, I still find it better than being told I won a free Nintendo Wii every other click. This site owes me like 50 of those things.

Posted by: J Stride at July 22, 2009 12:46 PM

An 18th century Elven chick that was stripping behind my back.

Posted by: ernesto at July 22, 2009 12:08 PM
---
The only problem I see with this is that she wasn't stripping in front of you too.

Bet she was earning more than you, and that's the REAL issue.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 22, 2009 12:50 PM

That said, Ben Whishaw is awesome. Have you seen Perfume? It's an actor's piece, for sure, but he's so good it just makes it all worth it.

Posted by: Christian H. at July 22, 2009 12:58 PM

Anyone else notice that Pammy has a third arm in that ad?

Posted by: Jerce at July 22, 2009 1:00 PM

Hey I thoroughly enjoyed The Winslow Boy! So I will probably see this. And Ben Whishaw is good.

Posted by: grace b at July 22, 2009 1:01 PM

Jerce: Anyone else notice that Pammy has a third arm in that ad?

Yes, but I always heard that Tommy Lee's penis was so long it had an elbow in it, so I just assumed . . .

Posted by: BWeaves at July 22, 2009 1:10 PM

Oh come on! Spoilers! Now I totally know the ending.

First Passion of the Christ, now this? Damn you, world. Are there no surprises left?

Posted by: figgy at July 22, 2009 1:10 PM

"The only problem I see with this is that she wasn't stripping in front of you too.
Bet she was earning more than you, and that's the REAL issue."

Yes, the issue was the money she was making and not the fact that she was grinding her cooch in the face of strangers to earn it. All while trying to hide it from me.

It was years ago, so really I'm over it. Seeing her stupid, dimple-chinned face just brought up some bad juju.

Posted by: ernesto at July 22, 2009 2:09 PM

How do you guarantee yourself hipster cred. It’s a very simple formula that the movie The Eternal 500 Days of Juno is following to a tee. Hire a director who directed music videos, was a stripper or knows Tarantino and or a Kaufman. Base it on nothing, preferably pretty nothings.. Bonus if they stutter adorably. Check. It’s about the love affair between a musician and a web designer.Have nobody die, because death is for old people. Check. The affair was cut short because of pointless twenty-something angst. Set the movie in Brooklyn.Ensure that everyone wears vintage looking garb that actually costs a small fortune i.e. Prada. and that they speak whimsically. (bonus points if the actors are from a television show that the huddled masses didn't appreciate the way you did.). Check. Check. And check.

Posted by: Abby at July 22, 2009 2:21 PM

You guys bitch about period dramas that lack substance - empty dress syndrome - and when one that looks promising comes along, you bitch that it's oscar bait!

I do not like Abbie Cornish at all, I think she's really wooden but Paul Shneider is awesome as is Ben Whishaw so I'll give this a chance.

Posted by: Katie at July 22, 2009 4:43 PM

If I had a gunshot for every time I heard "He. Was a dreamer." in a trailer...

I would be dead, and thus blissfully freed from ever having to hear that stupid vapid vague phrase again.

Posted by: Ling at July 22, 2009 5:35 PM

Posted by: ernesto at July 22, 2009 11:36 AM

hmm, all i get beside skank anderson's coochy face is a dieting ad with a headless torso squishing it's belly fat and telling me I could lose 10 pounds in one week if I just do everything it tells me. It's like Pajiba knows that I'm a moderately overweight young woman with body issues and feels the best course of action is to keep reminding me of that fact and how I'll never find a husband because of it...OMG, Pajiba's my mother!

Posted by: BMG at July 22, 2009 7:50 PM

As a lover of many, many period films (though I haven't had the desire to watch Becoming Jane), this looks promising enough for me to plunk down my money for. Ben Whishaw looks dreamy and almost EXACTLY what I imagine Keats to look like.

Posted by: bonnie at July 22, 2009 8:06 PM

Um yeah, but it's a JANE CAMPION film. Campion was never one to make an ordinary film. Plus I heard Quentin Tarantino saw it at Cannes and enjoyed it, so how bad can it be? And the performances/costumes look kickass. Would you have liked it better if something exploded during the trailer?

Posted by: stella at July 23, 2009 10:34 PM

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Let the Oscar Grubbing Begin!

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