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It's Breaking Something Alright: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Trailer

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (26)

breakingdawnbed.jpg

The worst mistake I’ve ever made was covering the Twilight Fan Fic panel at last year’s Comic Con. Not because it wasn’t absolutely and unexpectedly fascinating, but because in the wake of the article getting discovered by the fan fic writers themselves and generating a billion page hits, Dustin said that I’d be reviewing the next Twilight films. Talk about punishing success.

So the Breaking Dawn Part 1 trailer is up. That is, part 1 of Breaking Dawn, not part 1 of the trailer. They’re still releasing the trailer as whole parts even as they Harry Pottered the film into twice as much money. You know, if they broke it into three parts and converted it into 3D, they could double their money again. Of course if they added the extra dimension the acting would still only be two-dimensional … I swear I’ve made that joke before about a different movie.

In any case, here’s your pain:

Goodness me, but when Edward breaks a headboard, he doesn’t sparkle around about it.









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Comments

Never read a word or saw a second of the movies and I'm happy with that.

Posted by: logan at September 14, 2011 10:17 AM

Why. Just...why.

Posted by: KatSings at September 14, 2011 10:35 AM

What I don't get is, if that baby is draining the life from her, why don't they take some preventive measures? Like something that rhymes with smbortion, yknow to take a line from 'Knocked Up'?

I know Ms. Meyer is all jesus-y and into abstinence and all that jazz. But these are vampires, right? Yeah, suppose not since they're sparkly veggie vamps. But I'm sure they killed a few people now and then, right?

In my opinion, vampires are inherently always kinda evil and have loose morals and shit. As such, they wouldn't blink an eye at getting rid of it (as Darla tried to do in 'Angel').

At least the sparkling ones should come to a better solution than fighting to keep the baby, even if that means breaking the peace pipe with the werewolves!

Whatever, I've put waaaay too much thought into this Twilight drivel that was necessary.

Posted by: Teresa at September 14, 2011 10:36 AM

Where's Lee Pace? Isn't he supposed to be in this? It's the only reason I watched this bullshit trailer. UGH.

Posted by: Joyeetargh at September 14, 2011 10:37 AM

*than not that!

And Bella obviously LIVES to continue the story in Part 2. Like they would kill her off...so many plot issues I don't know where to begin.

Posted by: Teresa at September 14, 2011 10:38 AM

Well God bless... it looks like at least they will all be yelling at each other in this one, not mumbling incoherently like in the previous one. Yes, I have seen them all. Yes, of COURSE I'm going to see this one. It kind of bugs me because the source material (ie, the idea, not the poor execution of Meyer's books) is pretty cool, but the books were pretty poorly writted/edited and the movies are embarrassingly bad. The first one was ok-ish, the rest suck balls.

Posted by: the other Courtney at September 14, 2011 10:38 AM

Dear Godtopus, it's even more idiotic onscreen than it is on the page. I am so totally going to volunteer to take my friend's teenagers to this. Something this idiotic only comes around once in a generation. People will talk for years about the sparkling vampire baby ripping its mother apart from the inside out.

Posted by: Robert at September 14, 2011 10:44 AM

Don't even care. I'm excited.

Also, totally looking forward to SLW writing the reviews for these movies. It's like guilty pleasure meets guilty pleasure. Peanut butter and chocolate. Oreos and milk. Holiday candy on sale the day after.

.. well done, Rowles.

Posted by: duckandcover at September 14, 2011 10:54 AM

I'm with Robert. I'm going to see this when it opens, because the book is balls-out insane and I can't wait to see how they're going to translate that onto the big screen.

As for Lee Pace, he probably won't show up until the completely anti-climatic climax of Part 2.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 14, 2011 11:09 AM

@ Teresa: this is a case of WHY DO I KNOW THIS, but Edward does suggest (or, rather, tries to force Bella into) an abortion, even going so far as to talk to Carlisle (the blond doctor guy) about performing it. Carlisle's all "sure, fine," without consulting Bella of course.
But Bella won't have it, and Rosalie (the bitchy blonde one) is all "RAWR BABIES ARE SACRED" so she protects Bella until they can't do an abortion anymore.

*hangs head and proceeds to drown her shame in alcohol*

Posted by: Linda at September 14, 2011 12:04 PM

I will once again continue my stance of not giving a rat's ass what anybody thinks of my sparkly vampires and sullen Bella.
Don't like it? Don't watch it.
Why would you even come on the message board? Oh to say you don't like it?
Did you actually watch the trailer? Why to say how much it sucked?
This is not serious reading material people! I have to deal with Marvel geeks argue the congruency of a comic book chracter in the movies they spit out every other day but will undoubtedly line up for.
Leave me be. It makes me smile on a day that I wanted to murder people on the train and at work.

Posted by: daria at September 14, 2011 12:38 PM

"so she protects Bella until they can't do an abortion anymore."

Which, based on the growth rate of that embryo/fetus/baby in the trailer would be what? Three hours?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 14, 2011 12:59 PM

Wait one second.

The vampires are VEGETARIAN??? They don't drink blood? Seriously???

Posted by: anon33 at September 14, 2011 1:32 PM

Man, Edward's looking kind of paunchy in this one. Welcome to reality, little girls. No one actually stays young and beautiful forever. Can't wait til the second half of the film for the receding hairline and complaints about his joints.

Posted by: Erin S at September 14, 2011 2:35 PM

Anyone else not surprised that in that picture, Patinson is still somehow the bottom?

Posted by: googergieger at September 14, 2011 3:01 PM

Again, congratulations to the non fans for noticing that Robert Pattinson is indeed human and will undoubtebly age despite playing a vampire in a movie. I mean who would have figured that?

Knowing that the vampires are "vegetarian's despite not giving a crap about the story.

Oh and calling him gay. Had to put that in there.

Posted by: daria at September 14, 2011 4:06 PM

I could not bring myself to read the fourth book. The writing in the first three was just so dreadful. And why is it that Bella approaches her wedding looking like someone pissed in her cornflakes? I mean, if Edward is supposed to be all that and a bag of donuts for millions of women, and Bella is pretty much a cipher for said women, shouldn't Bella be fucking ecstatic about doing the thing that will finally get her laid by Mr. Perfect? I've seen shotgun wedding brides who went to the altar with more enthusiasm.

And don't get me started on Meyer shitting on her own canon after clearly stating that Rosalie was all sadz because she could never have kids because no matter what, vampires cannot breed. I hate when authors make lame excuses for why this super speshul girl breaks all the rules the author laid down (I'm looking at you, too, L.K. Hamilton). I could buy it if Edward was a new vamp, but he's been dead over a hundred years. Be consistent, even if you can't write for shit.

Posted by: Reba at September 14, 2011 4:14 PM

Daria, heterosexuals can top and bottom, too. Really good ones top from the bottom or bottom from the top, and a whole bunch can switch. Just saying, the implication was not that he's gay, it's that he's a sub.

Posted by: Reba at September 14, 2011 4:15 PM

The trailer looks hilarious, but...no.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at September 14, 2011 4:20 PM

@ Reba
Yeah, I am pretty sure that is what was meant. It was not in any way meant to slander his masculinity or call him feminine. Just a bottom bitch.
I am not going to turn this into a fan site for Twilight. I enjoyed reading them, I didn't go into this thinking I was reading Tolstoy. But, who gives a shit about VAMPIRE MYTHOLOGY?? It's about VAMPIRES!
Oh, and if you would have read book 4 it explains the whole reason she got pregnant. It's crap, but it explains it.

Posted by: daria at September 14, 2011 4:37 PM

I've never read one of those books and I love reading. I've never seen a movie and I love movies. I am sick, sick, sick, sick sicksicksicksicksick of this franchise.

Yes I came in here just to say that and now I'm leaving.

Vampire babies, get the fuck outta here........

Posted by: Candy at September 14, 2011 5:22 PM

Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say that I CARE ABOUT VAMPIRE MYTHOLOGY. Especially when the topic is, you know, vampires.

Posted by: anon33 at September 14, 2011 5:22 PM

Daria, I love the movie Kung Pow Enter The Fist. It is a piece of crap. I mean I can understand why people hate it. You have to do that with Twilight. My cousin is as big a fan of foreign and art house shite than me. She loves Twilight. She admits, it is a piece of crap. She still enjoys it. You should do the same.

I am a gay man. Patinson is indeed a faggo.

That is all.

Well actually, I loved Thirst and Let The Right One In. I saw Twilight with Rifftrax. That was enjoyable. The movie by themselves though? No thanks.

Posted by: googergieger at September 14, 2011 7:39 PM

Two parts? Seriously? This needs two parts? However, the Yahoo ad at the end of the trailer was quite enjoyable.

Posted by: Four Eyes at September 14, 2011 8:28 PM

Damnit, I watched that entire trailer hoping for a payoff from the psycho self-aware baby vampire from hell, and didn't even get that.

She stole that idea from the Dune series anyway, btw.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at September 15, 2011 8:44 PM

They are vegetarian vamps as in they don't kill or drink from humans...

Thank you Linda for the clairification from the book, as it's obvious, I refuse to delve into the books for fear induce homicidal tendencies.

Posted by: Teresa at September 20, 2011 11:13 AM