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Box-Office Poison x 5 = Box Office Hit?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (25)



michelle-rodriguez-machete.jpg

On the very rare occasion that you actually based a full-length movie on a trailer, I’d imagine it’d be a good idea to make a trailer for the actual movie as good as the trailer it was based on. This is the trailer for Danny Trejo’s Machete, written and co-directed by Robert Rodriguez, alongside his editor Ethan Maniquis.

What’s kind of funny about the trailer for Machete is that, save for Danny Trejo, you wouldn’t watch a movie starring any of the other actors in this. They’re box-office poison by themselves, but there is something appealing about an ensemble supporting cast that includes so much box office poison: Michelle Rodriguez (and after this trailer, I finally see what it is about her), Jessica Alba, Don Johnson, Jeff Fahey, Robert DeNiro, Cheech Marin, and Lindsey Lohan.

I kind of love how many cast members have spent time, or soon will spend time in prison, too. That’s the thing about B-movies, though. You can get away with it. And I guess we know Mel Gibson’s next career move, now.

(Source: IGN)









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Comments

And Steven Seagal.

You could not pack more cheese into a smaller container than this.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at July 9, 2010 9:42 AM

Robert DeNiro officially box office poison? I mean, he looks like he can't carry a movie anymore (something good has to be on its way, right?), but he's in all the Focker movies, and those things are a gold mine.

Posted by: aidan at July 9, 2010 9:49 AM

Luchadore hitman. Luchadore. Hitman. LUCHADORE. MOTHERFUCKING. HITMAN.

I think I've made my point.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 9, 2010 9:51 AM

There was legitimately not a single cut over 2 seconds that whole fucking trailer.
My eyes hurt.

On a seperate note, they said "When a man has nothing to lose, prepare for a fight like nothing you have ever seen".
Wouldn't it have been cheesier, more action movie-like AND cooler if they had said "When a man has nothing to lose, prepare for a fight you can't win."
It doesn't matter in the end whether Danny Trejo wins or loses. That's a cooler slogan.

Posted by: A-schaef at July 9, 2010 10:10 AM

Penis-Machete. Sorry, that's all I can think about anymore.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 9, 2010 10:24 AM

Except for Don Johnson (ew, he's always seemed smarmy to me) and Lohan (and I don't have any beef against her, just not a fan), I like all those people. Michelle Rodriguez rocks, and so does Jeff Fahey. And Trejo, of course, would look badass wearing a dress.

Normally, I wouldn't go see anything named "Machete," but... seriously, this sounds like 5 or 6 kinds of awesome.

Posted by: Slash at July 9, 2010 11:06 AM

Anyone else catch the homage to Desperado when Trejo is up on the roof of the limousine chucking knives through the sunroof?!

Goooooood Rodriguez, good.

Posted by: D-Day at July 9, 2010 11:14 AM

"introducing Don Johnson" ?

Posted by: Brenton at July 9, 2010 11:19 AM

The chick with the eyepatch -- her eyepatch kept changing sides like Marty Felman's hump in "Young Frankenstein."

The chick with the eyepatch -- she reminded me of the Pirate Queen in "Flesh Gordon." You know, the lady with the eyepatch, boob patch, hook and peg leg?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 9, 2010 11:29 AM

Meet Matthew's Brain:
Shower shot: "Boy, Jessica Alba's not looking so good."
Shot of chick coming out the back of a van: "Oh, nevermind. Jessica Alba is still fucking hot as lava."
Close up reveal on Michelle Rodriguez, after coming out the back of a van: "Holy shit, that wasn't Jessica Alba -- that was Michelle Rodriguez!"
Rest of trailer: "I can't believe I think Michelle Rodriguez is hotter than Jessica Alba. If someone had told me that after seeing Into The Blue I would've laughed and laughed."
Confusion.
Comfort.
Need to share.

Posted by: superasente at July 9, 2010 12:01 PM

ALRIGHT! Another piece of Rodriguez Grindhouse scuzzfest that no one wants to (or will) see!

Posted by: Case at July 9, 2010 12:15 PM

SEX MACHINE!

Does he come with the crotch gun, too?

Posted by: FabMax at July 9, 2010 12:46 PM

That is precisely how I felt, superasente. I generally can't stand Michelle Rodriguez-- she can't act and she can't seem to unclench her jaw, like ever, which probably helps explain the bad actressin'-- but damn if she doesn't look good in this trailer. I was going to see it, anyway, but now I'm kind of looking forward to her part in it as well as DeNiro's, Fahey's, and Trejo's. Stupid penis. My 2007-self must think I'm an idiot.

Posted by: RobP at July 9, 2010 12:57 PM

I really believe we need to list the awesome here just to be sure:

-Trejo with guns, knives and swords
-Luchadore hitman (as per Tracer Bullet)
-DeNiro chewing the shit out of some scenery
-Bad-ass Michele Rodriguez (the best kind)
-Mostly nude Alba
-THE FUCKING LAWNMOWER MAN
-Chain gun on a chopper (suck it Jonah Hex)
-Segal vs Trejo machete fight!
-Dirty Nurses
-Crockett
-Father Cheech
-Trejo with guns, knives and swords.
-Shit blowing up

Yep. I'm aroused.

Posted by: admin at July 9, 2010 1:01 PM

Tom Savini is god.

Posted by: PissBoy at July 9, 2010 1:05 PM

....I may have just grown some testicles by watching this.

Posted by: Aislinn at July 9, 2010 1:55 PM

I had a fantastic comment to post before I saw the trailer.

After watching the trailer I can't remember what it was.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at July 9, 2010 2:28 PM

You had me at "fat and perverted Seagal has a swordfight". And that was before the Jeff Fahey factor.

This will be all kinds of awesome. Awesomely good, awesomely cheesy, awesomely bad.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at July 9, 2010 2:49 PM

Frob,

I love that you always sign your comments, despite the "Posted by" tag at the bottom. You sir, are a character.

superasente

Posted by: superasente at July 9, 2010 4:08 PM

OK I'm in.

Posted by: clancys_daddy at July 9, 2010 5:11 PM

When the hell is this coming out

This looks like the best movie since the expendables!

Posted by: Jason H. at July 9, 2010 5:53 PM

Rodriguez must retire after Machete. He shall never be able to achieve this level of awesome again...

Posted by: Darth Vomitus at July 9, 2010 5:55 PM

If I watched episodes of Judging Amy just to see Cheech, I'll definitely see him kick some ass in this movie. Plus I like how they say machete. Like, I want to incorporate it into sentences now. "Machete!"
Doesn't really look as awesome as it sounds, though.

Posted by: badkittyuno at July 9, 2010 10:29 PM

'and introducing....Don Johnson'

*giggle*

Posted by: Nadine at July 11, 2010 9:01 AM

Holy Krull! Was Michelle Rodriguez throwing the Glaive?

Posted by: The Naked Vine at July 11, 2010 5:52 PM