Pajiba

Rob Schnieder still gets work?

I wasn't... offended by this. Just completely indifferent. And I suppose the plot is something different. If not for the presence of Rob Schneider I don't think anyone could really hate this movie. It'll pass by and make some ridiculous amount of money and people will become more interested in anal rape and then it will quietly disappear.

I had a wet dream about Rob Schneider. It involved an acid bath.

Rob Schneider is the Pauly Shore of Comedy.

I thought Rob Schnieder died.

Posted by: Marra at January 28, 2009 11:35 AM
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He did. If I may explain, he died a stripper's death. This is just a trumped up way of saying the soul is dead, but the body and a bitter shell of the brain allow only the most basic and watered down versions of previous life functions. This usually occurs in three phases.

Phase 1: commonly known as "going through the motions", which is what cause Mr. Schneider to make such films as "The Animal", "The Hot Chick", and "The Stapler", though for legal and ethical reasons that last film will never see the light of day. While in this phase, the subject still carries some modicum of self respect, which limits the effects to a lower yield than future stages.

Phase 2: The subject becomes self important, the ego being swollen to irrepairable lengths. Fits are thrown, vanity projects are lines up like dominos, and ill advised ventures are pursued. It is at this time that the subject will also latch onto whatever vestiges of fame propeled them into stardom in the first place, and ride the hell out of any good will left in them. (This explains all of the Happy Madison cameos.)

Phase 3: the final and ugliest phase, is when the deadness sets into the brain, thanks to extreme repitition and bad decision making. The brain becomes unable to come up with any new ideas. Whatever "unique" ideas the subject comes up with are usually comprised of elements from successful past works and other works by more successful artists. If you look at Mr. Schneider's eyes, you can see they look particularly dead, as if he just doesn't care if his career goes into the tank and his body is violated. So long as he's paid copiously, he'll do anything you ask of him. Much like a stripper.

Vin Diesel has been rumored to be a long term Phase 1 patient, but reports are inconclusive. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have also been rumored to be afflicted by this, but doctors have ruled that possibility impossible because Phase 1 dictates that there's some sort of self respect present to destroy in the first place. Strangely enough, the only other confirmed case in Hollywood is one Gibert Mc Taintlick, who is currently writing such future January classics as Paul Blart: Zoo Cop and Deuce Bigolo: Congressional Gigalo.

My six year old can't wait to take me to see this!

I am *shocked* Wil Arnett isn't in this.

ODEON Films? Did this walking donkey fist actually team with a production company that named itself after the fictional manufacturer's of Sex Panther?!

Schnieder's films suck 60% of the time, all the time.

Man, it's just an IQ-leechin' kinda day, isn't it?

I'm waiting for the third, these things always come in threes. My money would be on Beyonce announcing she's releasing a self-financed rock opera biopic.

Randal, abandon him/her under a bridge.

DISOWN'D.

Rob Schneider is... a carrot!

Randal, abandon him/her under a bridge.

DISOWN'D.

Posted by: figgy at January 28, 2009 1:06 PM
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Figgy, you're a fucking genius. I almost broke a glass bottle because I went into a slight laughing fit over "DISOWN'D"!

(I'm a sucker for the random usage of the 'd suffix.)

Maybe if we're lucky, this thing will pull a "My Best Friends Girl" and actually be not the worst thing ever. However, Fred Willard is in this thing, and the man has been in one good film ever, "Wall-E". But so far, that's one more than Mr. Derp the Carrot Stapler has been in.

Fuck everything man.

I refuse to see a trailer of a Schneider movie. period.

One last thing though...is he the director? really? Is that the way to assure his future jobs? (well, you know, he's not going to work with mel gibson anymore)