This movie look very funny! *clap clap clap clap* It star Robby Schneider as man who goes to prison for prtending to be black man to fuck old white lady or something and he learns how to do karate chop and beats up big strong men and gets tattoo on his ass and David Carradine sticks finger in piece of wood and Robby Schneider make funny faces and say funny stupid things like pull down your top and I can’t wait I can’t wait I can’t wait for Big Stan *clap clap clap clap* It will be the best movie it will be so much better than Shawshank Redemption because Robby gets hit in the nuts *clap clap clap* and he throes punches like warrior! Big STAN! Also, Robby directed it himself as you can see the level of talent is so awesome.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 28, 2009 11:33 AM
I thought Rob Schnieder died.
Posted by: Marra at January 28, 2009 11:35 AM
I wasn't... offended by this. Just completely indifferent. And I suppose the plot is something different. If not for the presence of Rob Schneider I don't think anyone could really hate this movie. It'll pass by and make some ridiculous amount of money and people will become more interested in anal rape and then it will quietly disappear.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 28, 2009 11:37 AM
Women find him charming, he's rich as balls, and he's a Kung Fu master that no one wants to fuck with?
Wow.
Rob Schneider's wet dreams have finally been committed to celluloid.
Posted by: Clee Shay at January 28, 2009 11:41 AM
I had a wet dream about Rob Schneider. It involved an acid bath.
Posted by: jM at January 28, 2009 11:51 AM
that's David Carradine, not Keith
Posted by: sarah b at January 28, 2009 11:54 AM
Rob Schneider is the Pauly Shore of Comedy.
Posted by: admin at January 28, 2009 12:01 PM
Yes, please not Keith Carradine. I don't think I could forgive Wild Bill.
Posted by: Snath at January 28, 2009 12:07 PM
I thought Rob Schnieder died.
Posted by: Marra at January 28, 2009 11:35 AM
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He did. If I may explain, he died a stripper's death. This is just a trumped up way of saying the soul is dead, but the body and a bitter shell of the brain allow only the most basic and watered down versions of previous life functions. This usually occurs in three phases.
Phase 1: commonly known as "going through the motions", which is what cause Mr. Schneider to make such films as "The Animal", "The Hot Chick", and "The Stapler", though for legal and ethical reasons that last film will never see the light of day. While in this phase, the subject still carries some modicum of self respect, which limits the effects to a lower yield than future stages.
Phase 2: The subject becomes self important, the ego being swollen to irrepairable lengths. Fits are thrown, vanity projects are lines up like dominos, and ill advised ventures are pursued. It is at this time that the subject will also latch onto whatever vestiges of fame propeled them into stardom in the first place, and ride the hell out of any good will left in them. (This explains all of the Happy Madison cameos.)
Phase 3: the final and ugliest phase, is when the deadness sets into the brain, thanks to extreme repitition and bad decision making. The brain becomes unable to come up with any new ideas. Whatever "unique" ideas the subject comes up with are usually comprised of elements from successful past works and other works by more successful artists. If you look at Mr. Schneider's eyes, you can see they look particularly dead, as if he just doesn't care if his career goes into the tank and his body is violated. So long as he's paid copiously, he'll do anything you ask of him. Much like a stripper.
Vin Diesel has been rumored to be a long term Phase 1 patient, but reports are inconclusive. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have also been rumored to be afflicted by this, but doctors have ruled that possibility impossible because Phase 1 dictates that there's some sort of self respect present to destroy in the first place. Strangely enough, the only other confirmed case in Hollywood is one Gibert Mc Taintlick, who is currently writing such future January classics as Paul Blart: Zoo Cop and Deuce Bigolo: Congressional Gigalo.
Posted by: Dr. Mike R. at January 28, 2009 12:08 PM
Rob Schneider's wet dreams have finally been committed to celluloid.
Posted by: Clee Shay at January 28, 2009 11:41 AM
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My six year old can't wait to take me to see this!
Posted by: Randal Stevens at January 28, 2009 12:18 PM
Is it me, or would Rob Schnieder be a great selection to play the lead in the inevitable "Life and Times of Richard Simmons"?
Posted by: Max at January 28, 2009 12:24 PM
I am *shocked* Wil Arnett isn't in this.
Posted by: Geetch at January 28, 2009 12:35 PM
I liked "Big Stan" better when he was the fat museum security guard in Hudson Hawk.
Posted by: Sean at January 28, 2009 12:35 PM
ODEON Films? Did this walking donkey fist actually team with a production company that named itself after the fictional manufacturer's of Sex Panther?!
Schnieder's films suck 60% of the time, all the time.
Posted by: PissBoy at January 28, 2009 12:36 PM
It is my friday, please stop posting things that make me suicidal. I am going to see an great band this week and would like to not have to immolate myself before then. Thank you.
Posted by: Jadashay at January 28, 2009 12:48 PM
Man, it's just an IQ-leechin' kinda day, isn't it?
I'm waiting for the third, these things always come in threes. My money would be on Beyonce announcing she's releasing a self-financed rock opera biopic.
Posted by: Wednesday at January 28, 2009 12:54 PM
Actually, Dr. Mike, you forgot the phase where he became a waitress at IHOP. IHOP is where strippers go to die.
Posted by: Marra at January 28, 2009 12:59 PM
Randal, abandon him/her under a bridge.
DISOWN'D.
Posted by: figgy at January 28, 2009 1:06 PM
Gack!!! I heat up some soup and sit down with Pajiba to enjoy my lunch and open up the page to pix of Schneider and Piven?? Really?
Posted by: Patti at January 28, 2009 1:52 PM
Rob Schneider is... a carrot!
Posted by: Lucas at January 28, 2009 2:06 PM
Derp a derp derp tweedle dee derp
Posted by: Rubble44 at January 28, 2009 2:21 PM
Randal, abandon him/her under a bridge.
DISOWN'D.
Posted by: figgy at January 28, 2009 1:06 PM
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Figgy, you're a fucking genius. I almost broke a glass bottle because I went into a slight laughing fit over "DISOWN'D"!
(I'm a sucker for the random usage of the 'd suffix.)
Maybe if we're lucky, this thing will pull a "My Best Friends Girl" and actually be not the worst thing ever. However, Fred Willard is in this thing, and the man has been in one good film ever, "Wall-E". But so far, that's one more than Mr. Derp the Carrot Stapler has been in.
Fuck everything man.
Posted by: George at January 28, 2009 4:00 PM
The trailor made me laugh. I assume the movie will too.
Posted by: EricD at January 29, 2009 8:55 AM
I refuse to see a trailer of a Schneider movie. period.
One last thing though...is he the director? really? Is that the way to assure his future jobs? (well, you know, he's not going to work with mel gibson anymore)
Posted by: mario at January 29, 2009 11:05 AM
I have a great idea for movie! It's "Rob Schneider Must Die"! In it, someone takes a 4X4 of oak wood and beats the living shit out of him.
Then there's the next scene with a machete, then one of those huge smasher thingies to decimate all his body parts and then he is reduced to ashes which are burned in a large furnace like Freddy Kruger was. I wish I were a man or watched all of the Saw movies (either one or both) sometimes so I knew more about all the instruments of torture there exists to cause monumental pain to this kyrptonite to comedy mofo.
Posted by: ph at January 29, 2009 8:04 PM
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Rob Schnieder still gets work?