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Happy Thanksgiving, Pajibans.

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (34)

Thanksgiving_by_AngELofREbellion.jpg

This is one of the rare times of year when I’m actually in a consistently good mood. A dirty little secret: I love the holidays. I come from a large extended family, so I grew up with huge gatherings, tons of food, copious amounts of drinking, the whole nine. And I love every fucking bit of it.

While Christmas is easily my favorite, Thanksgiving is a close second. It’s one of those days that forces families to get together, and while that can frequently be a pain in the ass, I genuinely enjoy it. Plus, who doesn’t love stuffing their face full of turkey until they want to barf? Communists and kitten-rapists, that’s who. We’re actually at a tolerable time of the season — I don’t have spend all goddamn weekend raking leaves anymore, and we still get some decent weather before New England decides to shit on its residents with below-freezing temperatures and a billion feet of snow. It’s football season, basketball season, and hockey season (for you Canadians who don’t have real sports). I don’t have to worry about friggin’ melting every time I step outside. Halloween, one of my least favorite days, is behind us.

This time of year kind of kicks ass, is what I’m saying.


I don’t have much family in this country anymore — my parents are in South Africa, and my sister is currently on the west coast, but I’ve got a bitchin’ group of friends that Mrs. TK and I get together with to celebrate. Plus, I’ve got Friday off, which means while those of you slugs who are forced to work that day are stumbling through your job in a post-Turkey Day stupor, I’ll be on day two of a four day weekend. Suck on that.

So goddamnit, I’m happy this time of year, and I don’t give a shit how cold it is.


And thus, I give you this as my gift. Don’t expect my good mood to last, but enjoy it while you can.


PS:

Fuck you and yours.









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Comments

After that zombie picture, there is naught either TK or Martin Lawrence can do to me.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 24, 2010 9:05 AM

To all of you who eat turkey, & especially those of you who eat monstrosities like "turducken": I hope your oven explodes & ruins your Thanksgiving. And that you die in the explosion. Happy Holidays!

Posted by: the new transported man at November 24, 2010 9:07 AM

So, ham, solyent green and polar bear are cool, right?

Posted by: Mrcreosote at November 24, 2010 9:17 AM

Soylent Green is definitely A-OK. You may get the shakes, but eating people is environmentally friendly, & the best Green choice you can make this holiday season.

Posted by: the new transported man at November 24, 2010 9:23 AM

And I hope you choke on your broccoli, twerp.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 24, 2010 9:26 AM

I SAW that TK was the author of the post. I THOUGHT I'd learned my lesson. But damn it if I didn't actually buy into the idea that he was generally wishing us well.

I feel like this is turning into a very abusive relationship, TK. I keep coming back to you so maybe it's mostly my fault but you really have to stop hitting me. It's the holidays. Please, for the childrens' sake.

Posted by: Paultera at November 24, 2010 9:27 AM

Your holiday sentiments warm the cold, dark places in my Wisconsin heart. Hope you and Mrs. TK have a lovely Thanksgiving.

And remember kids, the holidays are the best time to engage in heavy drinking with family / friends, followed by a heated argument about grass -vs- astroturf that ultimately turns physical and can only be broken up by members of the local law enforcement community.

Posted by: Mr. Yuck at November 24, 2010 9:41 AM

To my fellow Pajibans,

You best be thanking the baker in your family for the pies you're going to cram down your throats tomorrow. It's traditionally thankless work because as soon as the pie is seen, the brain switches to selfish bastard mode and starts shoveling delicious crust and filling coated in whipped cream down the throat until the body goes into sleep mode. A thank you is always appreciated, lest the baker start including egg shells in the filling on purpose.

Now back to my pate brisee for the lemon meringue and pumpkin pies from scratch.

Happy two days before Malling Day, everyone. Shove that idiot who won't walk fast enough so you can reach the 3DHDTV with built in Blu-ray and waffle maker before they're all gone extra hard just for me.

Posted by: Robert at November 24, 2010 9:43 AM

I usually hate my life starting November 1 till January 2. I don't like being sold to constantly, but it seems like 99% of "holiday cheer" is a retail scam. It's the most wonderful time of year (to mortgage your house). One of my co-workers' kid, who is 11, wants a new Macbook and an iPad, and is going to get them. Awesome.

But now that I live away from home, I'm going to try harder to get into the spirit. I plan to start by shoving extra hard as requested on Friday morning.

Merry Chrismahannakwanzikkaah bitches.

Posted by: Ian at November 24, 2010 9:48 AM

Five day weekend here. HUZZAH! I'm...not watching that video.

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2010 9:59 AM

Ummm, Thanksgiving was a month and a half ago, buttercup.

Posted by: admin at November 24, 2010 9:59 AM

Die At Christmas Dinner, you prick!


My favorite seasonal insult.

Posted by: logan at November 24, 2010 10:02 AM

Mine's off to a flying start -- I told my mom that our family is a freak show, which made her cry. Note to self: sweep obvious dysfunction under rug for day....

To all those Pajibans whose families love one another unconditionally, do not take this for granted! To everyone else -- chin up, platitudes are your friends, and I'll see you on the other side.

Posted by: sansho1 at November 24, 2010 10:05 AM

Sometimes, TK..

Sometimes it becomes too much.

One day I'll come to Amerika, find you, and face gaffer you to a chair and make you watch all those movies that ruined my childhood innocence.
Promise!

And I'll free your basement critters.

And I'll eat your turkey leftovers.

Posted by: Magiel at November 24, 2010 10:05 AM

Relax Paultera. He only hits you when he's drunk.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 24, 2010 10:16 AM

Robert - You had me at pate brisee.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 24, 2010 10:18 AM

I love Thanksgiving. The only goal is to eat. No spending trillions of dollars for gifts, no desperate searching for someone to kiss at midnight, no heat and endless traffic jams to see fireworks. Just, get together with friends and family and eat.

And that's why I didn't view that awful clip. You are NOT ruining my favorite holiday, mister.

Posted by: Wednesday at November 24, 2010 10:19 AM

I love Thanksgiving and our family prayer before dinner is "As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly," (For all you young folks that is from Arthur Carlson on WKRP)

Posted by: Lulu at November 24, 2010 10:26 AM

And it begins. The annual "why did you throw out exactly what I need" fights have officially broken out. Someone thought my stainless steel pie shield (you use it to cover the crust so it doesn't burn) was disposable. I just burned my damn finger trying to cover a pie crust with strips of tin foil as the pumpkin filling cracked and spilled all over the place.

Tomorrow's the running of the annual "Robert ruins every holiday so why do we even try?" parade. I'm still batting a thousand on that one. Since I was four years old, my father has blamed me for ruining the following every year: New Years, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, 4th of July, my birthday, his birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Of course, by the point he gets there, he's so drunk he doesn't remember saying it and swears on the Bible, regardless of witnesses saying otherwise, that he never ever accused me of anything like that. Oh, and skipping out on the celebration doesn't stop it: I ruin the holiday by not showing up and receive many phone calls explaining that.

I really should invest in a "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum" banner for all major family celebrations.

Posted by: Robert at November 24, 2010 10:30 AM

I always thought that was "non illigetimis carborundum". I've consulted my copy of Latin for the Illiterati, but it was of no help.

Thanksgiving is so classy.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 24, 2010 10:43 AM

You're unwilling to remain friends with those bastards? It took me a while to find "carborundorum", but I think that's right. I stopped taking Latin in high school, and studied German in college. Ich habe einen großen Fehler gemacht.

Posted by: RobP at November 24, 2010 11:05 AM

Can't believe they are making another Big Mama.

So how many people will get trampled at Wal-Mart on Friday? The allure of $100.00 off a TV - some would say a deal worth dying for and yet they keep coming back. You know all the Wal-Mart workers are thinking "I hate this god damn week. Stupid Ask Me bullshit."

Posted by: TVConnoisseur at November 24, 2010 11:28 AM

Call me a communist: I'm not a fan of Thanksgiving food. Not a fan of big slabs of turkey (I'll eat it sliced thin on a sammich, and smoked turkey is OK), don't really like pumpkin pie, pecan pie or cranberries, not crazy about brown gravy. I do like sweet potatoes and stuffing. I will eat whatever people cook for Thanksgiving and be grateful for it, I'm not one of those assholes who expects a special menu just for me, but pretty much any other holiday's food is better than Thanksgiving. I can't be the only one who feels this way.

Posted by: Slash at November 24, 2010 11:45 AM

You're a communist.

Commie!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 24, 2010 12:11 PM

I will be over here weeping for the turkeys with TK's parents in SA.
Where we don't celebrate Thanksgiving.
AND cheering for North Korea.
HAH.

Posted by: Val at November 24, 2010 12:48 PM

Happy Turkey day, you crazy Americans.

Posted by: Jadine at November 24, 2010 12:49 PM

Wow, someone else who hates Halloween and reveres Thanksgiving. I always knew TK was good people. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for all the reasons stated, family, friends, food, booze, baking, pies, four day weekends (paid, none the less), but without the relentless pressure to give everyone a bunch of useless gifts they didn't want in the first place. The push to take the emphasis off traditional Thanksgiving celebrations and make the day a retail holiday makes me nervous and really pisses me off. Like makes me stabby and ragey, heart rate and blood pressure rising, etc. Stay away from Thanksgiving soulless America!

Posted by: katy at November 24, 2010 1:37 PM

Turkey, ham, corn casserole, at least two varieties of stuffing, green beans, cornbread, winter veggie medley, and an entire table of desserts.

I have that to look forward to tomorrow. I'm contributing the winter veggie medley and one dessert (apple-blackberry upside down cake).

Posted by: The Wanderer at November 24, 2010 3:27 PM

apple-blackberry upside down cake

(squirms in seat)

(fans self)

... keep talking...

Posted by: Perfect Tommy at November 24, 2010 3:30 PM

Gotta work Thursday.

And Friday.

And Saturday.

Nights.

Fuck y'all.

Posted by: , at November 24, 2010 6:54 PM

Wait wait wait wait wait... TK's favorite holiday is Christmas......? ..?

Posted by: Sarah Barkai at November 25, 2010 7:06 AM

My contributions to this year's Thanksgiving dinner, celebrated with friends instead of family, are ham, cinnamon bun pie, and beans (frijoles puercos--it's a Mexican thing), plus the obligatory pumpkin pie, this year showing up as maple walnut pumpkin pie. Had it been a family Thanksgiving, I would be making a number of cheesecakes along with the pumpkin pie.

Slash, I'm not a huge fan of turkey either, but when I have Thanksgiving with my family, my mother browns her Turkey by covering it in many strips of bacon. So, in my family, Thanksgiving = bacon + cheesecake. It works for us.

My mother, however, makes two full meals for Thanksgiving whenever we celebrate it as an extended family: the whole traditional Turkey-stuffing-gravy-potatoes-pumpkin pie-etc., and an additional complete Mexican meal including the aforementioned beans, golden rice and pork in green chile, because my father's family are suspicious Mexicans who wouldn't eat Turkey until after seeing it on the table for the first few years. Now she's screwed though, because they now won't have Thanksgiving without BOTH meals. Except nowadays they'll help by bringing over a dish or two.

I don't know how the cheesecakes got thrown into the mix.

Posted by: leuce7 at November 25, 2010 9:12 AM

I love Thanksgiving and our family prayer before dinner is "As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly,"

Posted by: Lulu at November 24, 2010 10:26 AM
---
I taught ,daughter this one:

Good bread, good meat, good God, let's eat.

Posted by: , at November 26, 2010 10:36 AM

I was always a fan of

"Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yaaaaay God!"

Posted by: The Other Agent Johnson at November 26, 2010 10:42 AM