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Because the Universe Hates You: Another Adam Sandler Trailer

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | December 18, 2013 | Comments ()


Blended.jpg

Yesterday, we had the greatest news in the history of ever. But the universe always restores balance in the end, so I’m giving you the trailer for Adam Sandler’s third fucking movie with Drew Barrymore. It was either this, or balance would be restored by giving you all ass cancer, so you should be thanking me.

Watch it. You know you’re going to watch it. We will be holding all further posts on the site until enough of you bite the bullet and watch this trailer:

Ha! I’m kidding, we totally don’t have the technical ability to do anything like that. Also, I totally didn’t watch it. Remember, it’s not a violation of journalistic integrity, if I never claimed to have watched the trailer in the first place. Please, if you both watched it, and found it entertaining, please remove yourself from the gene pool.

Read this obligatory plot summary and give me your most honest dejected moan:

After a disastrous blind date, single parents Lauren (Barrymore) and Jim (Sandler) agree on only one thing: they never want to see each other again. But when they each sign up separately for a fabulous family vacation with their kids, they are all stuck sharing a suite at a luxurious African safari resort for a week.

God I hope everyone involved in this film got eaten by a lion.







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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • e jerry powell

    Oh, Jesus.

  • el_mediocre

    Really hoping Terry got paid up front.

    Oh who am I kidding, it's not like this film is going to lose money.

    Sigh.

  • meadowdancer

    Dude after Jack and freaking Jill I am DONE with Sandler. I don't care if this movie makes a bizillion dollars.

  • Anthony Hoffman

    Grown Ups for me. I don't even know what audience he's gearing these "movies" to? His actor friends? Turkish prisoners?

  • For integrity's sake, I should "out" myself as one dearly loves The Waterboy and uses it like Prozac when the skies rain crappiness (there's just something about Kathy Bates' delivery of "Bessikly, a snake don't have PAHTS" that turns my frown upside down, and every second of Henry Winkler is wonderful). I'm also known to sing "Crazy Love" loudly and badly in the car/shower. Don't worry, Steven. A few more years and voodoo-egg-drying rituals, and I'm out of the gene pool.

    Few exceptions aside, Sandler's made a career out of hanging out with his friends, getting high (or acting it), and laughing at the kind of shit you laugh at when you're high. It's nice work if you can get it, and he seems like a nice guy, so I don't begrudge him what looks like a fun, happy life. I just wish selfishly that he hadn't gotten lazy, because he used to make ME laugh, too.

  • If he's going to insist on making the same movie every couple of years, I wish he'd find a new go-to love interest. It's great that Drew Barrymore is so happy and sweet and sunshiny and full of serenity and light now, and I wish her all the best, but I'd rather watch Poison Ivy Drew any day of the week.

  • I figure if it worked for Grant and Hepburn, I won't judge. Please note that I am in no way whatsoever saying that Sandler or Barrymore is in any way like Grant or Hepburn.

  • NateMan

    As much as I love to hate on Sandler's recent movies - and I so, so do - the 2 he's done already with Barrymore were sweet and funny. Perhaps this will be a return to that?

    Okay, and now I watched the trailer and I just can't hate on it. Maybe the Widower post just left me in too goodhearted a mood, but this looks cute. Not fine cinema by any means, but leaps and bounds above his latest crap.

  • ASFan

    The concept of Sandler and Barrymore reuniting made me cautiously optimistic... when the project was first announced. But the trailer showcases next to zero of the chemistry, charm, and dynamic they exhibited in their previous two movies together. If you want to get more people excited about this, don't you think it would be a good idea to market their chemistry? Or are they unable to because it's practically nonexistent this time around?

  • Not gonna lie, I laughed super hard at the gel insoles flying out of that girl's top. Then again, I don't usually go for physical comedy so it might just be the sleep deprivation lowering my standards.

  • Arran

    Agreed. I really enjoy the other movies he's done with Barrymore, and this looks…well, not good, but not as unbearable and lazy as his last ten or so films. (Not counting Funny People.)

  • bastich

    Why did Drew Barrymore waste her time making this movie, when she could have been making the "Poison Ivy" reborquel that I've always wanted?

  • John G.

    Why doesn't he take his pile of money and leave us alone?

  • Barry

    What is it with these guys overstaying their welcome? Sandler, Jim Carrey, and Robin Williams...not one of them could figure out when to pull back. Williams has redeemed himself a little, but I don't think Sandler ever will because these cheap turds keep making money and he adamantly refuses to stop making them. I look at his old SNL schtick now and cringe...it's just God-awful...

    The sad thing is, had they lived, I'd probably be saying the same thing about John Belushi, John Candy, Chris Farley, and Phil Hartman. But at least I can look at their old work and not throw up little.

  • Gus TT Showbiz

    I don't think that Hartman would. He was too much of a journeyman, I thought. Most likely, he'd have roles in really lame movies and you'd forgive him for it, cuz dude's gotta eat.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I'll take the ass cancer, thank you.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I think I saw Terry Crews in the trailer?!! (1:08 mark) I adore Terry Crews!

    Sandler may continue to make artistic blights, but he recruits well. Also, Drew Barrymore's skin looks amazing. I think she and Karl Urban are in on something together.

  • I know, right? It's so unfair. Still, Tiny Terry's gotta eat.

    Although, I get the feeling the entire movie will be like this...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • That's one of my favorite scenes of all time.

  • At this point, I'm convinced the only reason Sandler even bothers to make movies anymore is so he can shoot in beautiful locations and hang out with his friends.

    He should just release his home movies theatrically and be done with it.

  • BlackRabbit

    Lions? Nooooo. Go crazy...cape buffalo.

  • "...but another guest is staying at the resort. A guest with exquisite tastes, a refine palette...and an industrial size smoothy maker. Blended...Your Family Is On the Menu."

    There. Fixed it.

  • Afferbeck

    It would be awesome if Sandler was playing the blender killer, but he just acts like he does normally, thinking he's hilarious with his same old retard/baby talk schtick, and his victims are just horrified and confused as he's cramming them into the blender with a broom handle.

  • Ian Fay

    I suppose it's too much to hope this movie is just 90 minutes of Sandler being killed by shoving his extremities into a blender?

  • Joe Grunenwald

    For some reason I decided I was going to watch this trailer, but when I clicked on it I got an error message. This is the first proof that I have experienced of a benevolent God.

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