Pajiba

I cannot begin to describe how bad this movie looks, so I won't..

BUT, NPH WTF WHY??

This? Will make beeeellions and beeellions of dollars.

Didn't this get shelved because it was supposed to open the same weekend as Charlie St. Cloud. Surely it can't be any worse than that, right? RIGHT?

Fairy tale remakes: you're doing them wrong, Hollywood.

This looks old. I remember it from ages ago.

He's a rich, powerful, intelligent, and good-looking asshole. But it's taking away the good-looking that inspires a character change, because it is targeted at an audience that can't imagine being rich and powerful as being negative influences, and can't imagine being stupid as a sacrifice.

Isn't this like a remake of some old disney movie??Or maybe even Phanthom of the opera... cause I'm having a deja-vu

Bernie Ecclestone is the president and CEO of Formula One racing. He is rich and powerful and, likely, arrogant, because those things tend to go together. (Arrogant enough to be walking around London with $300,000 in jewelry on him after complaining to the London cops about crime in the city.) Karma being what it is, he got robbed the other day, on the streets of London, of the $300,00 in jewelry.

He's also 80 years old and looks like what Andy Warhol would have looked like if he'd lived to be 80 and survived a tragically disfiguring house fire.

Bernie looks like this:

sports.yahoo.com/nascar/blog/from_the_marbles/post/F1-boss-Bernie-Ecclestone-robbed-outside-of-offi?urn=nascar-289550

Bernie has a Brazilian girlfriend 50 years younger than he is, and she is ... well, she looks like this:

www.whosdatedwho.com/celebrity/photos/fabiana-flosi.htm

Not bad, huh? And Brazilian! That's worth 100 bonus points for some reason, isn't it, Tom Brady?

I know, I know, when you're a teenager looks are everything. EVERYthing. A tiny pimple is a major disaster, a reason to consider suicide (or at least to keep the bajillion-dollar makeup industry afloat). So it's extremely easy for anyone under 18 to fall for the fiction that if you lose your looks, even ever so slightly, your life is no longer worth living. (Though I imagine goth girls would be all over a kid tattooed up like that.) Which is why this movie will make a fortune, it ties very effectively into most teens' greatest fear.

But I digress.

Point being (and I'm taking damn long enough to make it) that in the real world, if you're rich and powerful and arrogant to begin with, you can always score some primo tail, and maybe love, too, or some semblance of it. No matter what you look like.

If you're a guy.

If you're a girl, your life really IS over, and you can go ahead and take that arsenic pill now.

New content please. This trailer has already been up on this site. Has TK been replaced by cyborg TK and cyborg TK has no recollection of this shite already wiping it's ass on this website once before?

This bitch must be the laughingstock of the witching community for turning this guy into a *gasp* BUTTERFACE!!! How will he ever find a girl with all those tattoos and piercings? What woman could look past his "hideous" face to enjoy his toned body and immense bank account? Will he EVER find love???

Ridiculous. At least the original Beast was actually transformed into a giant, hairy, snarling, musky animal. This Disneyfied jerkoff can visit the nearest Goth club and he'll be covered in ripped fishnets and pasty white flesh in no time.

I hope they both die, or get the herp.

I'm I the only one who found him much more physically appealing after the ugly curse?

He looks like the guys I used to date. I'm not seeing the plot conflict.

Also, this movie looks fucking stupid.

So, I would be a terrible addition to this movie.

I'd bang him. Even if he wasn't filthy goddamn rich. But now that know he's filthy goddamn rich, I'll cut a bitch to get to him. And the skull faced Olsen twin? We'll invite that troll over to dinner, where I'll gently explain that crimping irons are for children to play with, not for grown-ups. NPH's blind ass can play darts in the corner, and no one would have to make a birdhouse on the roof or whatever, because I would have no time for horticulture/avian husbandry because I'd be constantly occupied with either banging my disfigured millionaire or slathering myself in honey and rolling around in piles of his money, then dashing thru the streets covered in honey and $20 bills to scare innocent passerby.

Credits.

i love mocking celebrities, usually pretty ruthlessly, but can we call a moratorium on making "skull-faced" jokes about a person who had to go through in-patient treatment for anorexia? can't we just make jokes about homeless chic, new york minute, dropping out of college after one semester, etc? there's plenty of other material.

From trailer: "CBS Films"

Well there's your problem.

She's really in to roses.

Whaaaaat? so stupid. That's like saying she's really in to kittens. Or she's really in to chocolate. Nobody is in to roses, they're just nice to look at.

Or, yeah, there are people who are in to roses, but they are middle-aged British dudes. Not doe-eyed brunettes.