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Battleship Trailer: You Sank My Nostalgia (And Then Pooped On It)

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (29)

Taylor-Kitsch-Battleship-movie-image-3-600x466.jpg

KABLOOIE!

That’s basically what Peter Berg wants you to focus on with the new trailer for Battleship, which is based, unfortunately, on the Hasbro game of the same name that was popular a couple of decades ago. From what I can recall, it was basically Connect Four with a warmongering, imperialist slant — or at least that’s what my radical liberal father used to say. I dunno, I might be imagining the whole thing. Either way, it was stupid. As is the concept of aliens that inexplicably engage in naval assaults, but why should that stop anyone.

Regardless, the trailer is here and much as I’ve loved some of Berg’s prior efforts (The Rundown, Friday Night Lights), it feels entirely too much like a Transformers retread. The scope is certainly impressive, and he appears to be throwing down the gauntlet and challenging JJ Abrams to a lens flare-off. But it looks… kind of dumb. Also, I kind of feel like if you’re making a movie based on an old kids game, it should at least be kind of fun, and this looks a little too humorless. Of course, the other side of that coin is sometimes you go for humor and you get Transformers 2. So, pretty much fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t.

Battleship stars Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker, Rihanna, Josh Pence, and the ragged remains of Liam Neeson’s dignity.

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Comments

"There's been so much inherent skepticism about how you can make a film about plastic pegs and grids," Berg admits, well aware of the naysayers that made a lot of negative noise about the project."To me that was never an issue. It was all about naval warfare and about the modern navy and I've had the privilege of knowing the modern navy, being on the ships that you guys got to see and going out to sea and watching them operate and seeing what their weapons systems are, seeing how smart the men and women are that fight... Peter Berg, comingsoon.net interview

There you go - if you hate the movie, then you hate the US Navy.

Posted by: csb at December 9, 2011 2:44 PM

This looks like the shittiest FNL cast-reunion. But hey, Landry!

Posted by: marie at December 9, 2011 2:46 PM

welllllllll...........

Posted by: LordNinja at December 9, 2011 2:46 PM

All I keep hearing when I watch this is the theme to Star Blazers....only this time the Gamilons decided to take the fight to Earth's oceans and the Space Battleship Argo (Yamato to you purists) is back fighting in her original element. It even seems like Wildstar-type character is taking command after Captain Avatar has been killed and Nova is now being played by Rihanna.

Such a shame there's no way in hell it could hope to be that cool.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 9, 2011 2:51 PM

Asplodey!

Posted by: admin at December 9, 2011 2:54 PM

STAR BLAZERS!!!

{gentle waves of nostalgia, rolling over me}

Posted by: MM at December 9, 2011 2:57 PM

Everyone knows that Sub Search was a much better game. If they'd only based the movie on Sub Search, then they'd have had a winner. As it is . . . Tragic.

Posted by: jimbob at December 9, 2011 3:04 PM

I keep seeing Brooklyn Decker's name pop up around these here interwebs. Who the hell is this lady?

Posted by: Nimue at December 9, 2011 3:07 PM

I'm having a hard time getting past Taylor Kitsch's arm muscles to actually read the review....

Posted by: PerpetualIntern at December 9, 2011 3:20 PM

Transformers 4: Electric Waterloo?

Nice to see FNL alums getting work, but that's about it.

"I keep seeing Brooklyn Decker's name pop up around these here interwebs. Who the hell is this lady?"

A supermodel who's previous work includes Just Go with It with Adam Sandler.

Seriously, are we certain Peter Berg isn't an alias for Michael Bay?

Posted by: Matt at December 9, 2011 3:54 PM

P.S. Be honest, isn't Taylor Kitsch also trying to do his best imitation of Charming Potato?

Posted by: Matt at December 9, 2011 4:03 PM

P.S. Be honest, isn't Taylor Kitsch also trying to do his best imitation of Charming Potato?

Wait wait wait... you're telling me they're not the same person?

mind = blown

Posted by: Ghisent at December 9, 2011 4:05 PM

"This video contains content from NBC Universal, who has blocked it on copyright grounds."

Jesus tapdancing Christ, why would you want to block your own advertising?
Don't you dare promote our crapfest without our express permission.

Posted by: Scott at December 9, 2011 4:47 PM

/finds trailer elsewhere and watches it...

Oh.

Posted by: Scott at December 9, 2011 4:56 PM

Hmm...Live Action Starblazers. Sounds promising...oh wait. I forgot. Hollywooble would inevitibly fuck that up. Bastards.

Posted by: NateS1973 at December 9, 2011 6:14 PM

Transformers 4: Electric Waterloo?

Posted by: Matt at December 9, 2011 3:54 PM

FTW

Posted by: No Pithy Name at December 9, 2011 6:20 PM

I take exception to the comparisons between Taylor Kitsch and Charming Potato. Nobody messes with Tim Riggins on my watch!

Posted by: Phedre at December 9, 2011 6:45 PM

I used to like playing Battleship. In honor of those fond memories of taunting my little brother, then, I shall avoid this movie like I avoid toxoplasmosis.

Posted by: The Wanderer at December 9, 2011 7:42 PM

If/when it sinks at the box office, we can all go

bwuuuuuuuuuusssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhh

Posted by: , at December 9, 2011 8:12 PM

So, the crew discovers aliens In the deeps of the ocean? Aliens that have been there a long time, for eons? But, they transform.....

........
.............

Were the writers smoking meth and reading Lovecraft while watching Transformers?

Posted by: stardust at December 9, 2011 8:14 PM

Stardust-

Change the ocean to the ground under everyone's houses and you have Spielberg's version of War of the Worlds.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 9, 2011 9:41 PM

They made a live action Starblazers. look up Space Battleship Yamato. came out a christmas or two ago but i think it's out on DVD by now. Aerosmith did a song for the soundtrack, believe it or not.

It was fantastic, but also nothing like I remember from my youth. I do recommend it more highly than this, though.

Posted by: Wintermute at December 10, 2011 2:50 AM

I only clicked on this post because for a second I thought the header picture was of Christian Bale. Glad to know I'm wrong. Pretty arms tho.

Posted by: Gem at December 10, 2011 10:06 AM

I might download this shitstorm when it becomes available just for the fun of looking for historical incongruities. It is a period piece right? I mean, the U.S. Navy decommissioned their last battleship in 1992. So Roger E. Mosley in a cameo as a chopper pilot or GTFO.

Posted by: Groundloop at December 10, 2011 12:00 PM

I like the Boom! and bad dialogue. So I'll be front row...in my living room, when it gets to cable in a year.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at December 10, 2011 12:04 PM

Riggins with short army hair? I am Jack's lack of interest.

Posted by: Irina at December 10, 2011 6:41 PM

*"There you go - if you hate the movie, then you hate the US Navy.
Posted by: csb"*

Ergo, the terrorists have won. Or are we not falling for that crap again?

Posted by: Nick at December 10, 2011 8:28 PM

When I first heard that they were making a movie based on Battleship I thought it was a retarded idea, because seriously, how do you make a movie based on a board-game that has no story or characters of any kind? The trailer actually positively surprised me, because apparently it's not so much that they actually based it on Battleship but that they are just taking the name and the loose concept of "well, there are battleships involved in the story".

And it looks like a fun popcorn movie, so yeah, I'll probably be watching this.

Posted by: jcollier at December 11, 2011 4:30 PM

They did make a live action Space Battleship Yamato (Starblazers) movie. Its in Japanese but there are subtitles. Space Battleship Yamato movie Rebirth Final just google that.

Posted by: Hod at December 12, 2011 3:32 AM