web counter
 

ATM Trailer: No, Not That ATM, You Goddamn Degenerates

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (29)

ATM-movie.jpg

Jesus, you people are sick. Though that would be one seriously fucked up horror movie. It’d make Hostel look like the Teletubbies. (shudder)

But I digress, as is my wont.

Here’s the trailer for ATM, another tepid-looking thriller featuring pretty people trapped while an unknown assailant terrorizes them. In this case, in an ATM building. It stars Alice Eve (She’s Out Of My League), Josh Peck (The Wackness), and Brian Geraghty (The Hurt Locker), and is directed by David Brooks in his feature debut. It does not look particularly promising, and frankly, this tired little mini-genre wore out its welcome when Wes Bentley was abusing Rachel Nichols in a fucking parking garage. What’s next? Terror in an elevator (oh, right, that’s been done)? A phone booth (whoops, that’s taken too).

Coming soon, terror in… um… the shed in my backyard! In a Taco Bell drive-through! In one of those fucked up smoker’s airlock cells in European airports!

Whatever, just watch the goddamn trailer:










Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← Adorable Dogs in Super Bowl Teaser Ad Take a Blowtorch to Your Heart | "Put Your Bodies Upon the Gears and Upon the Wheels": Martin Luther King and SOPA/PIPA →









Comments

That's precisely the reason why I never go ATM.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 19, 2012 11:09 AM

I'm going to go ahead and preemptively call this comment thread the Trainwreck Of The Day.

Posted by: Ghisent at January 19, 2012 11:11 AM

I must not be a degenerate, because I've no clue what other "ATM" you're referring to, TK.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 19, 2012 11:11 AM

I must not be a degenerate, because I've no clue what other "ATM" you're referring to, TK.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 19, 2012 11:11 AM


Automatic Taco Makers. What are you, STUPID?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 19, 2012 11:15 AM

By the title, I thought it was another iteration of The Human Centipede.

Posted by: admin at January 19, 2012 11:16 AM

I had just blocked the memory of this trailer out of my head when from when I first saw it a few weeks ago. Problems with the concept:

1) Why are they parked nowhere near the ATM booth? Clearly, you park next to the ATM machine, hop out of your car, get the cash, and leave.

2) Why do they all go inside? Only one is getting money. You leave the car running with the other two inside and grab your cash.

3) Office workers are allowed to not have their phones on them? Bullshit. They tend to have two phones: personal and business. 6 phones were left in the car?

4) Why the hell is there an ATM booth in the middle of an empty parking lot? I've seen bankless ATM booths on a busy city block, but not in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.

5) The entire film is blue. Fuck blue horror films.

6) These people have no reason to fear the man standing outside of the ATM booth. They should have been hacked to bits immediately when they opened the door for him and said "Are you coming in?"

I just can't. Frozen is more plausible than this and it involved dumbass college kids stuck on a ski lift.

Posted by: Robert at January 19, 2012 11:17 AM

Oh for Christ's sake. How can you get a while movie out of being trapped in an ATM atrium vestibule?

Posted by: Todd at January 19, 2012 11:22 AM

I propose a game.

You are the guy in the furry-hooded parka outside.
What three people would you like to see inside just waiting for you to terrorize?

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 19, 2012 11:28 AM

To add to Robert's list:

7) Based on where they are, she lives miles away from the party so why was she hailing a cab in the beginning? Was she going to spend $300 in cab fare to get home?

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 19, 2012 11:30 AM

It's shit like this that makes me lose sleep over Alice Eve's career. And I like my sleep.

She needs to take on more non-crappy projects to stay in Hollywood and until she believes she's on the same league as Hathaway and show me her boobs.

And coming back to this cow manure, what a bunch of pussies. An average looking dude with no projectile weapon and you're scared shitless?

Posted by: haplo at January 19, 2012 11:32 AM

Paddydog:

Mr. Frothy Mixture (Santorum)
TK (because he screams like an effeminate five-year-old-girl)
Pat Sajak (because it's that fuckers time to die)

Posted by: admin at January 19, 2012 11:33 AM

I just hope that they remember the ultimate rule of ATM vestibules:

If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it!

Posted by: WestCoastPat at January 19, 2012 11:34 AM

Why don't they all just run really fast in separate directions? At least that way you have like, what, a 66.6% chance of survival?

Posted by: twig at January 19, 2012 11:39 AM

Well you know what's coming next..... Trailer Voice Over Man Hal Douglas....do your thing!

-In a city where everything has to be fast and cheap....

"Dude, I'm hungry!"

-They intended to have it their way....

"Ummm....I'll have a a large Vanilla Shake, a Chicken Choker, an Über-Sized Fries and a #2 with a Diet Coke...."
"And after we eat this, we'll ALL have a #2...*snicker*"

*HEAVY BREATHING AND AN INDISTINGUISHABLE VOICE REPLIES ON THE SPEAKER.

-But someone else decided to change the order....

"Dude, what's taking them so long, we've been stuck behind this car for 10 minutes!"
"And we can't back out either 'cause there's a car behind us now."

-This Summer, Terror is on the menu....

"No one is coming to the window!"
"I swear to Christ, we shoulda gone to Taco Bell!"
"I'm still hungry!"

-From the filmmakers who made entire movies in a parking garage, a telephone booth, an elevator, a supermarket, and an ATM... we now bring you,

DRIVE-THRU

"WE GOTTA GO BACK! THEY FORGOT TO ÜBER-SIZE THE FRIES!!!!!"

SUMMER 2013

PLEASE DRIVE UP

Posted by: bleujayone at January 19, 2012 12:00 PM

Peterman: The fire will eat up this entire block!

They come upon an ATM vestibule.

Peterman: Look, there's a man in there. Get out of there, you're in danger!

Man: But my sleeve, it's stuck in the machine, it ate my card!

Peterman: George, give me your ATM card!

George: I don't have my ATM card.

Peterman: George, you're obviously lying, anyone can see that!

George pulls out his wallet, Peterman grabs the card, fits it into the slot and tries the door.

Peterman: It's jammed! I'll slide it under the door,

The man grabs the card and slams it into the machine.

Man: Now give me your code!

George: What?! Why?

Man: The machine won't open without the code!

Peterman: George, give him your code!

George: But I-I-I-

Peterman: George, there's no time! Tell him your code! Shout out your code, man!!

Man: The code!! The code!!

Posted by: RocketDonut at January 19, 2012 12:00 PM

PaddyDog-

- My boss (though perhaps his halitosis should have its own movie, a la "The Fog")
- That horrifying woman in "Jesus Camp" who guilts all those children into Christianity, and makes them sob uncontrollably. That woman is evil.
- Anton Chigurh, sans air compressor. He should see it coming, no coin flip.

Posted by: LurkeyTurkey at January 19, 2012 12:04 PM

Posted by: bleujayone at January 19, 2012 12:00 PM

Please tell me an explosion chases someone down a driveway and I'll have Miramax film that sucker.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 19, 2012 12:04 PM

Robert,

"Frozen" was hilarious! I watched it after actually being stuck on a chair lift for over an hour with the lights out in a lightning storm (true story) and it made me remember hearing about a movie about a similar experience so I watched it and it was so bad it was amusing to me.

Or maybe that was the PTSD talking.

As for this "movie" I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about the plot holes. I also wouldn't waste any of my time watching it. Unless somehow I end up getting trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre.

Posted by: Alli at January 19, 2012 12:05 PM

My three would be:

1. Michael Vick (shut up, Pookie)
2. Simon Cowell
3. Madonna

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 19, 2012 12:07 PM

Alli, you're right. Frozen is a so bad it's good horror film. It could have been a decent little thriller if they didn't include that 1950s melodrama music every time someone blinked with determination, but they did. That and the exposition that said everything they were doing while they were doing it. "OK, I'm climbing on top of the chair. I'm reaching for the cable. Ow. This hurts because the cable is sharp and my gloves fell off. Ow. I'm pulling myself up by my arms now to scurry down the line. The cable still hurts my hands. Ow."

Posted by: Robert at January 19, 2012 12:23 PM

Corey: I don't fuck around when it comes to the automated teller machine.

David: You never go to the automated teller machine!

Corey: It's never my idea!

Emily: [to David] Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's forgivable to go to the automated teller machine.

Corey: [chuckling] Heh. I knew it.

Posted by: jon29 at January 19, 2012 1:20 PM

Though this doesn't look great, what people need to know is that the film is written by Chris Sparling, who wrote Buried. Buried was fucking fantastic, and if anyone knows how to carry out a minimalist horror film, it's that guy. Still though, this looks...interesting...

Posted by: Celery Man at January 19, 2012 1:30 PM

Okay... I think I've got it:

1) Casey Anthony
2) Lea Michele
3) the Skeksi in the cubicle next to me.

Posted by: MRod at January 19, 2012 1:33 PM

I don't know about you, but a night locked in an ATM booth is as close as I am getting to vacation this year.

Posted by: danny smooth at January 19, 2012 2:07 PM

PaddyDog:

1. The utter bastard who told Newton Gingrich he'd make a great President - oh, wait, that was Newt ... okay, Newt Gingrich.

2. Celine Dion. Just because.

3. The Monument to Human Stupidity who cut me off in traffic while I was coming in to work today.

I was going to suggest Rick Perry, but I'll let him go back to Texas. He and Texas deserve each other.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 19, 2012 2:07 PM

I honestly can't imagine torturing or scaring 3 people like that because frankly, I hate being that cold. I honestly nearly left the Ravens/Texans game because it was so freaking cold (alright not true but I was miserable).

I think it would have been a better movie if the folks in the ATM room were panicking and shit, coming up with insane fears and plans to take the dude out. Then right at the end of the film, after they nearly froze to death and killed each other from paranoia, some random person walks up to the parka dude outside and asks "What's up Eh?" and the parka dude turns and says "I don't know...these three A-holes have been bogarting the ATM all night".

Posted by: Diablo at January 19, 2012 3:57 PM

My Paddydog 3:


1. Gwenyth Paltrow
2. Apple Paltrow
3. Moses Paltrow

I don't normally want to terrorize and murder children, but since GOOPy raised them, they are likely to grow into something horrible.

Posted by: John G. at January 19, 2012 5:29 PM

'NO WAY OUT'

Oh wait, they're out.

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 20, 2012 8:47 AM

This just looks like the stupidest movie ever, and I feel sorry for Josh Peck. I've seen him in "The Wackness" and he's capable of so much more than this. Ha, if this movie WAS about the other kind of ATM, I'd at least be a little intrigued about who's getting it from whom. It's so obvious that this film is the one crapping in the audience's mouth. I'm skipping it. Oh, and the people I'd terrorize if I was the sinister no-face in the parka: (1) Michelle Bachmann (2) Bill O' Reilly and (3) Rick Santorum. I guess now you know which "side" I'm on politically.

Posted by: Brian Kehinde at January 22, 2012 10:06 PM