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I Got Machine Guns in My ... Butt

Astroboy Trailer / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | August 12, 2009 | Comments (16)

Is it true that a person’s nose never stops growing? Or is that an old wive’s tale? Cause it helps explain why old people in CGI animated movie always have huge honkin’ schnozes.

(Related: My parents used to tell me I grew an inch every time I hiccuped. And I know that’s not an old wive’s tale because I’m 19 feet tall.)

Here’s the trailer for Astroboy, which is based on a video game, or a comic book, a cartoon, or a manga, or something else that’s amassed a huge cult following. Or maybe he’s a bubble gum character? Or the mascot for sex lubricant. I have no idea, but after witnessing the trailer, I can’t be bothered to look it up. All I know is that it comes out on the same weekend in October as Saw VI, and I’d have a hard time choosing which one to see.



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Comments

Why bother seeing it? I just watched the entire movie in two and a half minutes. Ha ha funny joke guns in his rear.

Next.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at August 12, 2009 9:12 AM

You've only hiccuped 19 times? Wow, you really are a freak, Dustin.

(BTW, that hiccup line is so Janitor's newsletter, if he had a newsletter. Maybe he runs a blog with his brother-dad and they sell knive-wrenches. For kids. His wife has a hard time getting online, though, seeing she only has pointer and thumb-pinkie. OK, this tangent has gone on long enough.)

Uh... and I obviously need to wash my face again.

Posted by: Sofía at August 12, 2009 9:18 AM

this makes me want to see this LESS than the teaser trailer did, which i thought wasn't possible.

and isn't shuma gorath purple? or is this some hellboy nonsense?

GRRR

Posted by: gp at August 12, 2009 9:29 AM

According to Monkey, the only thing funny about this trailer is, and I quote, "the butt joke". I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since she burst into the bathroom this morning without knocking, saw The Husband's butt, and then laughed uproariously for about five minutes. While laughing, she would screech, "Butt! I saw his butt!"
I can't wait until she can enjoy the dick and fart jokes of a Kevin Smith movie. Mother-daughter bonding indeed.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at August 12, 2009 9:47 AM

I got machine guns in my...butt?

Poor Astroboy. Robotic boys never have any time for self-exploration to discover these things. Somebody get the kid a locked bathroom, a can of WD-40, and a copy of Popular Mechanics magazine.

Posted by: branded at August 12, 2009 9:52 AM

Whoa. Was that a red cephalopod deity shooting lasers from its one eye in that trailer? Satanopus?

Posted by: jM at August 12, 2009 9:55 AM

It doesn't look so bad to me, for a kids' movie. I'm predicting a Speed Racer-esque flop at the box office, but that doesn't mean the movie will actually be terrible.

Posted by: Todd at August 12, 2009 10:03 AM

Comparing this to Speed Racer, Underdog, and Alvin and the Chipmunks, I would say it's an upgrade. I was actually sort of enjoying the trailer until he shot lasers out of his ass. Then I started loving it.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at August 12, 2009 10:15 AM

If what moms told us was true, I'd be blind and have huge thick swatches of hair on my knuckles. Hah! Mom was a liar. I can see the huge thick swatches of hair on my knuckles perfectly well.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 12, 2009 10:23 AM

Yay! Pinocchio!


Wait...what?

Posted by: FabMax at August 12, 2009 11:43 AM

Is it wrong that I keep wanting to call this kid Astroglide?

Posted by: BWeaves at August 12, 2009 11:47 AM

Meeeeeeeeeeeh....hated the cartoon, will probably hate the movie.

Posted by: figgy at August 12, 2009 12:20 PM

But do his arms get horrifically, and repeatedly, ripped off, traumatizing all children who see this movie? Because if not then I don't think it's very true to the cartoon.(Seriously, that's all I remember from the cartoon. Something would rip his arms off and I would lose my shit and then he'd get new, better arms.)

Posted by: s. pisaster at August 12, 2009 2:57 PM

That teaser does the movie no favors.

Posted by: Candy at August 12, 2009 3:15 PM

I heard Kristen Bell is in this movie.

Well played, studio.

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Posted by: k.lucy61 at August 13, 2009 4:39 AM