web counter
 

The First Trailer in the History of the World that Not Even "Under Pressure" Could Save

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (43)

jennifer-garner-in-bikini.jpg

If you had any expectations for Russell Brand’s remake of Arthur, please, sir, check them at the door and ask the coat lady to throw them in a pile with all your hopes and dreams and light a match. This is the power of Russell Brand: He can dull even the presence of Helen Mirren and Jennifer Garner in lingerie. How do you ruin Jennifer Garner in lingerie? Worse, for the first time that I can ever recall, it made me immune to Queen and David Bowe’s “Under Pressure.”

Seriously, if you can’t even make your trailer funny (save for the Darth Vader gag), give it up. Just give it up.


Here, allow me to make it up to you. Here’s Jennifer Garner in lingerie the way she’s meant to be seen: On the brink of kicking someone’s ass.










Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← All Your Favorite TV Shows Will Be Cancelled Part VIII | The Top 6 Reasons You Should Sign This Petition To Bring Back Mad Men | Give Me Some Credit, It's Not Only Hendricks & Haaaaaaammm →









Comments

I miss Alias so much.

*cue the haters hating on Jennifer Garner...

Posted by: denesteak at February 10, 2011 3:33 PM

That might be my favorite Alias scene of all time. That or any time Spy Daddy is verbally abusing someone. Which I guess was...always.

Posted by: Julie at February 10, 2011 3:33 PM

Julie, I used to get so mad at Sydney whenever she would doubt her dad and be all self-righteous about it. Never ever doubt Jack Bristow.

Posted by: denesteak at February 10, 2011 3:34 PM

NEVA! Spy Daddy knows all. Even when he's being all shady-like.

I miss that show. And my girl crush on Garner will never abate. Especially if she continues to make cute babies.

Posted by: Julie at February 10, 2011 3:36 PM

What Arthur remake?
(I refuse to acknowledge such a thing, unless Craig Ferguson is cast as the title character.)
Not even gonna click on that one.

THANK you for the Jen Garner fix, though.
VERY much appreciated.

Posted by: Rykker at February 10, 2011 3:43 PM

I have no idea why so many people seem to think Russell Brand is funny.

Posted by: Markus at February 10, 2011 3:44 PM

My favorite moment from all of Alias is when Jack is trying to scare Will off the SD-6 story and says, "So I'm going to tell you what you are apparently DYING to know."

Posted by: Todd at February 10, 2011 3:45 PM

I too adore Alias...miss it with all my heart and continue to pine for Jennifer Garner.

Posted by: Wanda at February 10, 2011 4:06 PM

why does his mom seem to have the name of his butler in the first movie?

Posted by: sean at February 10, 2011 4:16 PM

I dunno...I kind of think this could be o.k. *cringes* I've always found it tough to argue with Luis Guzman. And it looks like they might have shifted the focus from Arthur/alternate love interest to Arthur/butler, which has potential.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 10, 2011 4:20 PM

I don't get it. How do you screw that up so badly? How hard is it? Let Brand be silly. Let Mirren be Mirren. Let Jennifer Garner flash that smile. That smile has taken the wooden Garner a long damn way. If you have her in a romantic comedy, fucking use it. Don't make her a nympho. Doesn't work.

Posted by: Sean at February 10, 2011 4:23 PM

I thought you meant both Jennifer Garner and Helen Mirren would be in lingerie. Color me disappointed.

Posted by: jmag at February 10, 2011 4:26 PM

Abomination. Did he even say some of the lines or did they just dub Dudley Moore over him prancing and (apparently) not DRINKING?

Arthur not being drunk is like the Hulk not being GREEN.

Posted by: Byrd at February 10, 2011 4:26 PM

You don't understand how you can screw it up, Sean? Well, first you cast Russell Brand...there that ought to do it.

Posted by: Uncle JR at February 10, 2011 4:35 PM

Is Russell Brand the British Ashton Kutcher or the British Dane Cook.

Discuss and show all work

Posted by: Uncle JR at February 10, 2011 4:36 PM

I have fond/vivid memories of that scene from Alias. It aired after the Superbowl and the original music was "American Woman".

It was also the moment I realized I was a lesbian.

Posted by: Masey at February 10, 2011 4:40 PM

Aflac!

Posted by: Jim Doggie at February 10, 2011 4:44 PM

TH;DW*

* Too Horrible; Didn't Watch

(re: the trailer, I'll gladly watch the Alias clip tonight when I get home... lights off, candles lit, Barry White in the background, a box of Kleenex...)

Posted by: RobP at February 10, 2011 4:48 PM

Crap. I thought it looked funny.

Posted by: Rob at February 10, 2011 4:51 PM

Oh, I liked the callback to Gielgud. I don't think it's that bad. It doesn't seem that different from what I imagine a trailer of the original Arthur would have been. And nice for Garner to have a chance to be comedic.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 10, 2011 4:57 PM

Dustin, I hope the EPA reams you for posting that Arthur trailer.

Holy, jumping Jesus, what a clusterfuck.

Posted by: jthomas666 at February 10, 2011 4:58 PM

Ooooh it burns!!! IT BURNS, I SAY!!! And all the cinematic Valtrex in the world will not clear this damn rash away!

And why oh why did they have to take three good songs and Helen Mirren and bugger them up too? Helen sweetheart, we love you to pieces, but I assure you while I might forgive you for doing this project, it still doesn't motivate me to pay money to watch it.

And fuck me it really takes something bad to take Joel fucking Schumacher's version of Batman and make it seem like it's far cooler and dare I say untouchable compared to this shitstain of a trailer.

Posted by: bleujayone at February 10, 2011 5:01 PM

Man, I'm usually the first to hate annoying and useless people, but for some reason I can't help but enjoy Russell Brand. This isn't the ideal forum in which to bellow his virtues, I suppose, considering 9 out of 10 commenters seem to despise him. Nevertheless, I think the man is pretty funny. I offer as evidence the following quiz show clip in which he asks Noel Fielding if he's "ever done a rape?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PmzDWgLNMk

And while we're on the subject, Jennifer Garner has a man's body.

Posted by: Daventhal at February 10, 2011 5:31 PM

I love that Alias scene but I thought the original music was AC/DC's Back in Black.

Whatever. Spy Daddy rules!

Posted by: Abby at February 10, 2011 6:31 PM

Daventhal Brand plus Fielding equals me giggling.

Posted by: coveredinbees at February 10, 2011 6:38 PM

(Especially when they build battlements out of bananas and call them banattlements. I may have snorted.)

Posted by: coveredinbees at February 10, 2011 6:39 PM

I came for the header pic, I stayed for the clip from Alias.

Don't care for Russell Brand. :)

Posted by: Sage at February 10, 2011 6:42 PM

She looks like a dude in drag. I don't see why anyone thinks she's attractive.

If Sara Jessica Parker's face = a foot,
Jennifer Garner's face = the ankle.

Posted by: Tim at February 10, 2011 6:45 PM

"Is Russell Brand the British Ashton Kutcher or the British Dane Cook.

Discuss and show all work"

- Posted by: Uncle JR

I think Russell Brand is the British Boil On My Ass.

Photographic evidence (may) be available on request.

Posted by: Groundloop at February 10, 2011 7:39 PM

That... make me snicker a few times.
I'm clearly high after my chocolate binge.

Posted by: squeeziee at February 10, 2011 8:25 PM

I think Brand is one of those people who might be better in supporting roles. He can be just exhausting after extended periods of time.

Anyway, this just isn't something I'm even remotely interested in. I liked the German kiss line. I also love Luis Guzman.

We need to do a list of overused songs in trailers, because "Under Pressure" needs to be retired already.

Posted by: Figgy at February 10, 2011 8:35 PM

It will make a zillion dollars.

Posted by: Max at February 10, 2011 8:35 PM

I completely love Russell Brand, watch Ponderland or his stand up, listen to his radio shows. The man's about a million times smarter and funnier than either Dane Cook or Ashton Kutcher. I just don't think he translates well for Americans - which is fine, we'll keep him!

Also, his cat is called Morrissey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBaruoVpu1k

Posted by: Katie at February 10, 2011 8:47 PM

I miss Alias too! Spydaddy, Vaughn and the most adorable sidekick ever, Eric Weiss.

Posted by: Even Stevens at February 10, 2011 8:49 PM

Yes! That is how you follow the Super Bowl!!!
(i'm looking at you, Glee.)

i miss Alias too. (group hug)
Well, i should clarify. i miss the first 2 and a half seasons.
4 and 5 never happened.

Posted by: Scott at February 10, 2011 9:33 PM

"Arthur not being drunk is like the Hulk not being GREEN."

You know the Hulk also came in Grey and Red, right?

And despite her killer body, Garner's forehead looks like you could land a personal aircraft on it...

Posted by: Some Guy at February 10, 2011 9:35 PM

Scott, seasons 4 and 5? Do you have a fever, dear? That show only lasted 3 seasons. THREE SEASONS I SAY!

Posted by: Even Stevens at February 10, 2011 10:31 PM

Ok, that French kiss being "decidedly German" got a chuckle out of me.

I prefer the black one...

Also, I still get the delicious thrill after hearing the words, "...Irina Derevko" said in a Russian accent.

There were no seasons after the 3rd - she says emphatically.

Posted by: denesteak at February 11, 2011 4:10 AM

Bowie. It's David Bowie, not Bowe. Sigh.

Posted by: Darlene at February 11, 2011 8:41 AM

I was very upset when I found out they were remaking one of the best comedies of all time. Fortunately, it appears that like the misguided Americanized Godzilla in the 1990s, this is Arthur in name only. I am both relieved and disappointed.

It also looks like a hit to me.

Thank you for a memorable afternoon, usually one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 11, 2011 9:57 AM

Which one is Liza Minnelli?

I thought the whole point of Arthur was that he was a cute old drunk.

Brand just looks like an unwashed young douchebag.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 11, 2011 10:22 AM

WOW. I love me some R. Brand, but I'm passing. Well, til cable.

Posted by: Chickaboom at February 11, 2011 10:49 AM

Looks good to me! And I for one can totally see why Arthur would skip out on all that money, because Jennifer Garner looks, as several have pointed out, like a man in drag. Just look at that picture: square jaw, push-up bra pushing up not very much, flat ass and no hips. But that face! As a cop, I've unfortunately seen far too many men in drag, and she would fit right in with that duckface. She's about as sexy as a nursing home fire.

Posted by: EJ at February 11, 2011 2:51 PM