antichristdafoe.jpg
Antichrist .... ummm ... vs. ... ummm ... Vaginal Holocaust

The Trailer Suck-Off / Dustin Rowles

Trailers | September 15, 2009 | Comments (42)

Today’s trailer suck-off is … well, it’s an interesting one. First up, is the latest trailer for Lars von Trier’s Antichrist. The hook? Willem Dafoe has sex on a pile of corpses. I have every expectation that the movie is 17 kinds of fucked up, and knowing von Trier (Dancer in the Dark), he’ll manage to shock and appall his audience, and then send it into a downward spiral of depression that they won’t recover from for weeks. Antichrist has been making the festival rounds this fall, and reviews have been decidedly mixed. Most have focused on the shocking nature of the movie. It may actually be an authentically decent movie once you get past the … well, the pile of corpses. And Willem Dafoe’s ass.

Dude gives me the heebies, y’all.

Check out the trailer:


Antichrist Trailer - Watch more Movie Trailers


The other trailer is for a horror porn movie called Vaginal Holocaust. And when I say: Horror porn, I mean it literally. It’s a horror slash porn movie. Obviously, the trailer is very R-rated (the movie will probably only be available on some dude’s website if you give them your credit card number and allow them to charge a monthly fee, which you can cancel at anytime, assuming you have six hours to spend on the phone).

It looks like a home movie edited together with a terrible thrash metal song designed to puncture your eardrums. It looks completely shittastic, but in a way that might be a lot of fun. If you’re 22. Drunk. And at a zombie bachelor party. Or it might be the perfect movie for that cute gorehound couple that wears matching black nail polish looking to spice up their sex life with a little … ummm … you know …. horror porn.

Jesus. The shit people come up with.

Anyway, as bad as it looks (and seriously, it’s beyond NSFW), I think I’d almost rather see Vaginal Holocaust than Antichrist. It certainly gets points for best and/or worst title since Lesbian Vampire Killers. Just whatever you do, for the Love of God, don’t play this at work. Or around your family. Or near your pets. And if you do decide to watch it, don’t blame me for your sticky nightmares this week. I warned you.

Peek-a-boobie!


← More Battleship News | Pajiba Love 09/15/09 →





Comments

And why, please tell me, would anyone ever want to get past Willem Dafoe's ass?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 15, 2009 12:04 PM

"And why, please tell me, would anyone ever want to get past Willem Dafoe's ass?"

Yar, I'll tell ya why - thar be a pot of gold behind his sack! GOLD!

Posted by: Skitz at September 15, 2009 12:09 PM

Willem Dafoe is a leprachaun?

Posted by: PaddyDog at September 15, 2009 12:10 PM

I saw this movie when it came out in France, and had to walk out 2/3 of the way through during a scene involving garden tools and genitalia, not sure whether to cry or throw up-- the cinematography is interesting, but in a way aimed at increasing the general level of nausea in the audience: lot's of blurred shots, fisheye, low-frequency noises, etc.

Posted by: missgina at September 15, 2009 12:12 PM

Antichrist is horribly pretentious drivel.

To anyone who's seen Mr Bean's Holiday, Antichrist is like Willem Dafoe's stupid film at the end. Only with clitoral mutilation and testicular ruptures.

So I'd recommend it.

Posted by: ingres at September 15, 2009 12:14 PM

Dunno about gold, but I've heard he's packing....

I'm wary of 'Antichrist'. Lars von Trier's movies can upset the hell outta me without adding horror to the mix.

Posted by: Tarn at September 15, 2009 12:17 PM

Vaginal Holocaust ! Yo sun that was funny! My old lady knowing how much I’m a Bruce Lee fan would sometimes call our fuckin’ sessions “Enter the Dragon.”

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 15, 2009 12:18 PM

I have never been scared to click on a link here in Pajiba, yet now I am. Seriously I'm hesitating on whether I want to view this after that explicit warning . Sticky nightmares don't sound fun.

Posted by: lillie at September 15, 2009 12:23 PM

Oh my god! Vagina holocaust looks so awesome! I'm going to rent this movie when it comes out and invite all my friends over for an orgy while watching this. Anybody want to bring the razors?

Posted by: Fishboy at September 15, 2009 12:26 PM

I'm going to have to vote for Hoo-ha Holocaust for the sheer fucktardery. I mean, come on, Rob Zombie's doing porn now.

Posted by: admin at September 15, 2009 12:29 PM

I used to love Von Trier prior to Dancer in the Dark. I still hold out hope for this and have downloaded a copy (it's a recession, leave me alone). I just don't feel that compelled to watch it any time soon.

Posted by: TSF at September 15, 2009 12:38 PM

I can appreciate the second trailer just because it's a send-up of Cannibal Holocaust...a truly unappreciated gem.

Posted by: PissBoy at September 15, 2009 12:39 PM

And I'm totally running up to WM as soon as I get home and yanking down her top and screaming "Peek-a-boobie!"

Posted by: PissBoy at September 15, 2009 12:42 PM

The Vaginal Holocaust trailer made me dumber. What a massively stupid pile of shit. I'd rather watch Antichrist, clitoral mutilation, nausea-inducing cinematography, and all.

Posted by: stardust savant at September 15, 2009 12:44 PM

as bad as it looks (and seriously, it’s beyond NSFW), I think I’d almost rather see Vaginal Holocaust than Antichrist. It certainly gets points for best and/or worst title since Lesbian Vampire Killers

[Ooh! Ooh! Let me get my "I-didn't-get-the-memo-30-years-ago," pinchy fart-smell face on.]

What!? I'm Jewish.

See you next Tuesday.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at September 15, 2009 12:52 PM

Uh yeah, the Bajingo Holocaust trailer wins, er, loses, um, sucks worse. Antichrist has some sort of plot from what I gather. It doesn't matter to me either way. I'm not watching that shite.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at September 15, 2009 12:52 PM

For the first time, I'm glad my work blocks most video/movie trailers.

Green Goblin gettin' it on and rippin' up ladyparts is NOT my idea of a fun waste of time on a Tuesday afternoon.

But, to be honest, if I could watch Vagocaust here, it would sure make this day go faster!

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 15, 2009 12:57 PM

Why would you post this when I'm at work?! You know I can't watch it until I get home! Dammit! You couldn't have waited 'til a little later in the day? Now I'm going to be doing the anticipation dance for like 5 hours! DAMN YOU ROWLES!!

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 15, 2009 1:04 PM

How can we look forward to one of Drew's insightful essays into Vajayjay Holocaust's use of light and shadow to define character motivations and how strange jump cuts and camera angles totally owe a debt to the French New Wave Movement?
Just asking.

Posted by: Spender at September 15, 2009 1:06 PM

By which I meant "How SOON can we..."

Posted by: Spender at September 15, 2009 1:08 PM

How is no one else noting that this film is directed by Creep Creepersin?

I don't even have a joke for it.

Posted by: buttercup at September 15, 2009 1:23 PM

I didn't think the Antichrist trailer was bad - the trailer wouldn't have scared me off at all. But having read about the film, I know I'll never see it since the descriptions were enough to make me feel ill.

As for the other trailer, I'm going the same route I take when Stacy posts those "don't blame me" links that make people wish they'd been blind. Not clicking.

Posted by: Cindy at September 15, 2009 1:37 PM

As far trailers go, Vaginal Monologues Holocaust made me want to kill myself more. At least the Antichrist trailer was decently put together.

Posted by: commanderfunky at September 15, 2009 1:38 PM

* ... still not clicking ... still not clicking ... still not clicking ...*

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 15, 2009 1:39 PM

My life is scary enough without watching crap like this. Porn is supposed to be cheesy and make me horny. Not scary and make me want to crawl under the bed and tremble like a dog in a thunderstorm.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at September 15, 2009 2:21 PM

buttercup,

I was just about to mention that. Gee, do you think that's his real name? Creep Creepersin?

Yeah, all you people thinking about not clicking - you probably shouldn't click. Not for the faint of heart, and certainly will not improve your day or raise your IQ points. However, if, like me, you are amused by ridiculous gore (with or without naked boobies), it might entertain you for a few moments.

Posted by: MM at September 15, 2009 2:33 PM

Don't do it bucdaddy! It's like Pajiba's er...box.

Posted by: Cindy at September 15, 2009 2:56 PM

What was going on with the banana? Was she feeding it to . . . yep. She was---oh man---that's what happened there. Then she fed it some hillbilly face and groin. Then she let it get into some sort of back alley kumite. It's only a matter of time before it goes for those big fake boobies, lady. Is this a documentary? Very grainy footage. I better watch it again . . .

Posted by: Kballs at September 15, 2009 3:00 PM

i was already about ten times ready to see antichrist.
hooray for living in the damned bible belt and having to wait til it comes out on dvd. if it shows here, it will be for one night only. which means if i'm lucky enough, i may catch it in theaters (i mean, jesus, cecil b. demented got a one night only, ooo john waters will subvert us.)

the other was obnoxious.
so i'll probably buy it.

Posted by: gp at September 15, 2009 6:25 PM

Vaginal Holocaust looks like it might have a few non-sucky seconds in it here and there; whereas Antichrist...um...doesn't.

P.S. "Nathaniel Branch" doesn't seem like a great porn actor name until you think about it for a second.

Posted by: Jerce at September 15, 2009 6:57 PM

I would expect this would be an open and shut case: Antichrist has artistic merit, Vaginal Holocaust is...actual torture porn.

Then I remember that I'm in Pajiba-land, where up is offensive and "no thank you" is "I'm going to cram a three headed dildo down your throat and sacrifice your soul to Godtopus. No ammount of arguments pointing out the mythological basis for and symbolic production of Antichrist will convince most of you that a Lars von Trier (strike one: depressing; strike two: "misogynist") horror (strike three: you guys hate horror) film could possibly have merit.

Do I go with the popular vote of Vaginal Holocaust being the better, more enjoyable film (ironically or in sincerity, as there is a blend of both already)? Or do I stick with my guns and support an artistic horror film that tries to blend graphic sexual assault with ancient mythological conventions and psychological horror to produce a new breed of cinema?

Antichrist will be powerful. Vaginal Holocaust will be forgetable. Antichrist will have great performances and a sense of artistry. I assume Vaginal Holocaust will have...a vaginal holocaust.

Antichrist is the clear choice, but my Pajiba-tinted glasses tell me otherwise.

Posted by: Robert at September 15, 2009 7:26 PM

Spender: HAAA! we're like mind-twins sometimes.

Posted by: figgy at September 15, 2009 7:36 PM

My internet keeps disconnecting when I play the Vaginal Holocaust trailer. Must be a sign...

Posted by: Meg at September 15, 2009 8:29 PM

Robert, go for Antichrist. You can never go wrong with Willem Dafoe.

Posted by: stardust savant at September 15, 2009 8:38 PM

It's said more and more celebrities have their profiles on a great millionaire dating site____W e a l t h y S o c i a l . C O M_______ . The best club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs...You should check it out!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Posted by: Casper at September 15, 2009 9:32 PM

I don't know what this says about me but, man, do I find that header picture hot. I still won't see either movie, though.

Posted by: elsie at September 15, 2009 10:58 PM

I've actually seen Antichrist.

That movie makes you think of William Dafoe's genitals far more than any movie has the right.

Posted by: Schlegel at September 16, 2009 12:45 AM

Is Vagocaust in fact a lost Grindhouse trailer?

Either way, I'll probably give both a miss. Artfully staged genital mutilation isn't any more my thing than homemade Troma porn.

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at September 16, 2009 6:21 AM

* ... still not clicking ... I am the master of my domain ... still not clicking ...*

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 16, 2009 11:00 AM

ha ha, another shit-for-film from a shit-for-brains filmmaker. ha ha mental masturbation at its best.

Posted by: waicool at October 7, 2009 5:33 PM

Godtopus...what a great name for a heavy metal band. Thanx Robert!

Posted by: Jeff at October 18, 2009 1:37 AM

I Strongly recommend seeing Antichrist, It is a bit tough to watch in parts, but it will stick with you. You will be thinking about this film for days afterwards. brilliant
Joe

Posted by: joe at October 23, 2009 7:49 AM





Post a comment

 (required)

 (required)


Preview of your comment:



Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.