Pajiba

..ugh

That summary looks poorly translated...

I have to confess, I read "Angels and Demons," but I honestly could not remember the story until I read this plot summary. That tells you what a limited impact I got from the book.

"Noooooo, I'm not like the rest of the boys. I'm from Decatur, Illinois. And I'm suave, debonair. I got this boss, dark black curly hair. And I want you baby."

You said it.

Well....the hair is better.

"Away from the things of man, my love. Away from the things of man."

Are we really surprised when McGregor takes crappy roles anymore?

The Da Vinci Code was so stupid it actually made me violently angry. It is an affront to the written word.

I have never thrown a book away. My parents-in-law tried to throw out a couple hundred books that they didn't want, in order to clear out room in their apartment. I took the books to my house and piled them on the floor even though I didn't want most of them, until I could find them a home. You should throw babies and puppies in the trash before you throw books in the trash.

I threw the Da Vinci Code away. In the trash. With cat litter and spoiled chinese takeout. I felt bad afterwards only because its stupidity is so toxic that the pages probably aren't biodegradable.

I'm not a literary snob. I have over a hundred Star Trek novels alongside "proper" literature. The Da Vinci Code though was an insult to the other 1500 books stacked on shelves and tables in my home.

If a mysterious stranger handed me a magic history-changing box that had a button for letting Hitler into art school and a button for making Dan Brown decide to be a war criminal instead of an author, with the caveat that I could only press one button, I don't know which I would choose.

If a publisher decided to actually publish one of my novels, but they told me it was because the manuscript reminded them in every way of Dan Brown's books, I would burn every page of my own writing and take up something more positive to society, like building nuclear weapons in my garage.

Dan Brown's writing is artistic chlamydia.

The Illuminati are overrated...I know...*shifty eyes*

...that's VON... Beaverplatz?

stipe42: that was beautiful

judging by the writing of that plot summary, I'm guessing Dan Brown came back to have another crack at prose, huh?

As awful as The Da Vinci Code was, and I mean the book here, it didn't dawn on me just how bad it was until I (to my shame) also read Angels and Demons. I suspect the same will happen here. You think you hate the Da Vinci Code film now? Wait until Angels and Demons is out!

And I don't mean A&D is better in any way. It's just that it's the exact same story. Father figure of beautiful intelligent woman dies, "symbologist" joins forces with fine lady to solve creepy over-the-top crime, mentions seemingly pointless detail he learnt in a fish-out-of-water- scenario some years earlier that miraculously saves his life/all of humanity in a crucial moment. Beautiful, intelligent woman has "promise in her eyes," sort of how when the adult Simba and Nala frolick about and then she inexplicably appears to submit to him human missionary-style. WTF?

There is a wealthy, eccentric older man who is semi-helpful but also has a convenient disability leading him to pass through metal detectors and security checks whilst carrying weapons. (Hint: if you ever find yourself magicked into a Dan Brown novel, kill the cripple. Seriously.)

The only difference between A&D and DVC is that A&D is actually less believable. Compared to A&D, DVC is gritty kitchen sink-realism. Can't wait!

I nominate stripe42 for comment of the week. If there was a human equivalent who is as stupid as The Da Vinci Code, it would be Rob Schneider.

Okay I read A&D too. Actually I've read all of Dan Brown's books. My family all LOVED DVC and A&D, and I read the all his books trying to understand what they saw in him. This is also the same family who LOVE Pillars of the Earth, and it took me a full year to get through it. I'm sorry once I start a book I have to finish it, even if I know it's horrible and I've already figured out the ending by the 10th page.

What can I say I'm a book whore, I'll read anything. I'm surprised I haven't caught anything yet.

Lesson I've learned, don't get book recommendations from my family.

Posted by: stipe42 at February 12, 2009 6:43 PM

stipe's on a roll, making EE again and adding this gem!

What if they made a crossover film that had Nic Cage's character from National Treasure team up with Tom Hanks' character from A&D and DVC?
The collective squee from the Dan Brown lovers who also dig wispy long hair would be audible from space.

Now where's the Shopaholic review???????????????

Ya'll are making me blush. I am but a mouthpiece for the hate and snark of the elder gods.

"It's a shame his prose resembles my crack."

Does that mean it's deep, dark and mysterious or just smelly?

Well, ed there's that slight matter of how wasteful it is to throw away a book. Magazines and newspapers are recyclable, books, not so much. Also newspapers and magazines are printed on a regular basis, so they are less permanent and in many ways are meant to replace the last issue. Books, even those with sequels, are not intended to be replaced with the latest installment.

Also, it takes all kinds, as they say, so even though I might think a book is total crap, that doesn't mean that someone else might not love it--or at least enjoy it. So, it makes sense that instead of chucking the thing, that I would give it to my local library, or donate it to the League of Women Voter's annual book sale, or donate it to the book program for prisoners, etc., etc.

That's why some of us can't bring ourselves to throw away a book. Far too wasteful.

As for the baker, the car manufacturer, or the shoemaker. I love me some baked goods (unless they have cream or custard--in which case those can be enjoyed by the people who like that stuff), I drive my cars into the ground, and I wear my shoes out.

I gave up on "Angels & Demons" by about page 120 when I figured out who the bad guy was and was tired of wading through exposition disguised as dialogue. Exactly like "The Da Vinci Code".

The thing is that Brown wrote a fairly good thriller called "Deception Point" that while no less preposterous at least featured some action. In fact it would make a great season of "24" with some padding and adapting because the story takes place over roughly 1 or 2 days, concerns a conspiracy to the highest levels of government, and a few good guys stuck in the middle of it all constantly dodging bullets and defying all logic by actually surviving the James Bond-ish situations.

It's a fun read.

If you think throwing books away is bad, don't ever work at a bookstore. Mass market paperbacks that don't sell? The covers are ripped off and go back to the publisher, and the books are tossed into the compactor (after the employees pick over the best ones). It always killed me to have to toss those boxes into the garbage.

So they're running around looking for clues and there's a secret brotherhood and four pillars that represent Earth, Fire, Wind and Water and then Robert tells Vittoria he loves her and a laser beam shoots out of her mouth stopping the object about to slam into the earth?! Oh wait, I just confused this plot synopsis with "The Fifth Element"...

Dan Brown has another problem besides being a unable writer: Umberto Eco.

In Focault's Pendulum, Eco took up the genre of conspiracy literature, turned it on it's head, made fun of it, and still managed to deliver a positivly riveting story.

No wonder that Brown's books are completely redundant.