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And Then They Were All Disemboweled By Ninjas: Monte Carlo Trailer

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (26)

-Monte-Carlo-Movie-Still-selena-gomez-20435554-490-368.jpg

How is it possible that Amanda Bynes isn’t in this? Or is she? After a time, all of these movies with blandly pretty young girls getting whisked away into some fancypants adventure start to bleed together. I swear this plot has been done before, that this movie has been made before, but were I to bother looking it up, or thinking about it too hard, my brain would surely rebel and punch my eyes out from the inside.

Whatever. Here’s the trailer for Monte Carlo. It’s about three girls who go to… oh, fuck it. SYNOPSIS!

Three young women vacationing in Paris find themselves whisked away to Monte Carlo after one of the girls is mistaken for a British heiress. And then they were all disemboweled by ninjas.

I’ve decided if I keep adding that final sentence to the descriptions of these insipid buckets of simpering swill, eventually it’ll come true. I mean, that’s not a movie they’ve made yet, right?









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Comments

"I’ve decided if I keep adding that final sentence to the descriptions of these insipid buckets of simpering swill, eventually it’ll come true."

-Just Ask a Ninja.

Posted by: bleujayone at April 27, 2011 11:40 AM

This here hillbilly pea-picker likes the sound of that there swill--thanks for the heads up!

Posted by: DenG at April 27, 2011 12:02 PM

So that's what "living the dream" means! My expectations have been so lowered that living the dream to me means being able to do all of my grocery shopping at Whole Foods.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 27, 2011 12:18 PM

And just when you think a movie couldn't get any worse, Catherine Tate appears on screen. Blech!

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 27, 2011 12:22 PM

Hey look! They've already cloned Boobs Legsly! At least, I spent the whole trailer (I KNOW) thinking it was her.

Posted by: Rebecca at April 27, 2011 12:41 PM

Train of thought, by AvB:

Oh, mistaken identity, without whom we would have so few movies about.... wait, is Donna Noble in this?! What?! Oh, no. Now there's cute boys, and romance, and sparkly dresses and jewels and oh geezis on a popsicle stick, I'm going to wind up watching this on Netflix, aren't I? GOD I loathe myself. LOATHE.

The End.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 27, 2011 12:45 PM

I heartily endorse this trend.

Posted by: Zombie Amanda Bynes at April 27, 2011 12:52 PM

May I just say that it's a sign of how far our civilization has come that a feature line in a trailer is an EIGHTEEN year old girl saying "I've finally found the right guy".

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 27, 2011 12:55 PM

When I was 18, I was looking of Mr. RightNow. Amirite ladies?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 27, 2011 1:06 PM

This WAS made before. Only it was in Italy instead of France and it was Hilary Duff who was mistaken for an Italian singer instead of Selena Gomez who is mistaken for a British heiress and WHY DO I KNOW THIS. I'll go shoot myself now.

Posted by: Thijs at April 27, 2011 1:16 PM

Eww what happened to Leighton Master. She is usually pretty but here ?

Posted by: Yesplease at April 27, 2011 1:22 PM

The worst part wasn't that this film had been made a dozen times before, or that the girls are mall-generic, or that they're 17 and have all found "true love", or that they're lying, or that there appears to be no adult supervision while they're in a foreign country, or that they're able to actually enjoy themselves now that they're able to have lavish goods, or that completely illogical line about finally finding "someone who loves me for who I really am"...
...the worst part was Andie MacDowell is still allowed to work.

Posted by: penelope at April 27, 2011 1:38 PM

Is Catherine Tate the Ninja?

Posted by: Uncle JR at April 27, 2011 1:44 PM

I would actually watch this because I saw Catherine Tate. . . but mostly I'm just worried that a generation of young girls will think it's ok to go off with strange people in a foreign country just because they have money.

It would be awesome if this movie ended with a human centipede.

Posted by: beletseri at April 27, 2011 2:25 PM

Oh wait! This is "The Devil's Double" only without the bulge, right?

Posted by: BWeaves at April 27, 2011 2:30 PM

Amanda Bynes is over, TK.

Posted by: Jay at April 27, 2011 2:33 PM

I had to make a Monte Carlo simulation for my Capital Budgeting class.

Posted by: logan at April 27, 2011 3:26 PM

Penelope, thank you for summing up everything I was thinking more eloquently. Somehow a vacation in Paris isn't good enough for these brats, they need expensive shoes to find the meaning of life? They'll find out how "true love" it really is when their dealing with the difficulties of a transatlantic relationship where you only get to make out with your hot European boyfriend every 3 months. (One of my friends has been stuck doing this for years.)

Also, why is Leighton Meester still doing these films? Isn't she like 5 years older than Selena Gomez? For a minute I thought Leighton was Lindsay Lohan in that photo.

Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at April 27, 2011 3:30 PM

Is it just me, or does the little lead girl look like she is 12? I feel old saying that, but that just made the whole thing more disturbing for me. Sketchy older men hitting on you because they think you're somebody rich and famous who still happens to look 12? Creepy.

I think I need to go Netflix The Princess Diaries or something. There is lazy Saturday afternoon TV, and then there is this. It's too much.

Posted by: Anne (no longer in Reno) at April 27, 2011 3:47 PM

Seriously, TK, dude, you're watching so many trailers anyway - there's got to be better songs popping in your head by now. Comedy Choose-Your-Own-Soundtrack?

Posted by: Leroy Grey at April 27, 2011 4:09 PM

Not that I'm in the targeted age group of this flick, but the girl in the middle (I know she's a big name among the kids, but I can't remember her name) looks to be about 13, but wearing a necklace which should be worn by the likes of Liz Taylor. As in, totally incongruous. But she's got nice hair, I'll give you that.

Posted by: True_Blue at April 27, 2011 4:14 PM

Why couldn't they go to Aruba and meet some Vander Sloots instead? That, I'd watch.

Posted by: , at April 27, 2011 7:57 PM

Unless there IS ninja disemboweling, why the frak are you, of all people (using the term loosely), dealing with this shit?

Posted by: Uriah Creep at April 27, 2011 9:36 PM

@Thijs there was some pretty awesome singing in that version

Posted by: Other Julie at April 27, 2011 11:09 PM

How can you people not know Selena Gomez's name? She's what every girl on the planet who isn't into sparkly vampires dreams to become: Justin Bieber's girlfriend! (yes that was sarcasm, doesn't translate well on page).

Posted by: Me at April 28, 2011 12:39 AM

I missed the nija's in the trailer?
Is that a shmayamagalian twist at the end?

Posted by: Magiel at April 28, 2011 5:21 AM